A slighty psychotic self

Hi

Does anyone else experience an alter that has a kind of slightly dangerous/psychotic edge to their personality?

We had a memory of an angry one in childhood who injured two boys trying to attack a sibling, they 'came out' attacked the attacker then went back in, no-one ever believed the self they saw was capable of such of an act and so we never got in trouble for it.

As we grew that self seemed to vanish and the social front alters helped us to achieve a relatively 'normal existence'.

Since the menopause symptoms kicked in though and we've struggled to control our temper sometimes we find ourselves been sent really wild bizarre thoughts!

Does anyone else have a 'dark self' or dark alter who you're never quite sure what they're capable of? .. and you start wondering if they've ever made you do anything bad then blocked your memory of it?

Again these thoughts only tend to come to the surface when the bodies monthly cycle is due (which it is so probably why we find ourself thinking of it this morning).

I really hope our menopause ends quite quickly, but have no idea how much longer we have yet to go!

Sioux

Hi,

We can't speak to having a "dark self," although we do think that it's normal to have some degree of a dark side.

We can speak to menopause, though. We finished going through it in 2015. It messed horribly with our emotions to have hormones in flux. Combined with other difficult life events....we're still recovering.

Good luck.

MDs

MakersDozn wrote:Hi,

We can't speak to having a "dark self," although we do think that it's normal to have some degree of a dark side.

We can speak to menopause, though. We finished going through it in 2015. It messed horribly with our emotions to have hormones in flux. Combined with other difficult life events....we're still recovering.

Good luck.

MDs

Thanks for answering. Can we ask how long the perimenopause phase went on for you?

We had a few months with no cycle that month and seemed alot more settled then they started coming back hit and miss.It seems to make the alters switch more and with the bad stomach cramps and back pain on top of all that it's absolutely exhausting for about 2 days we do nothing other than lie on the bed with hot water bottles.

I'll be so glad when they stop!

Hi,

Standard disclaimer that this is our experience and that other people's experience may be different.

As we recall, from the first recognizable sign (irregular periods) to the absolute last period was about three years. That doesn't count earlier signs that were less noticeable. Also, the general rule is that menopause is considered complete one year after the last period. And lastly, hot flashes don't stop after menopause is done; the only become less frequent.

Hope this helps.

MDs

MakersDozn wrote:Hi,

Standard disclaimer that this is our experience and that other people's experience may be different.

As we recall, from the first recognizable sign (irregular periods) to the absolute last period was about three years. That doesn't count earlier signs that were less noticeable. Also, the general rule is that menopause is considered complete one year after the last period. And lastly, hot flashes don't stop after menopause is done; the only become less frequent.

Hope this helps.

MDs

Ok Thanks for your help!

Kit & gang

Yes. I have 3. Paul, No-one and Batcho. Fortune is an unknown, I'd list her as one but so far she's just watched Disney so I don't think she is one.

They all have done things.

At school I apparently told a girl I was going to throw her in the lake. She was bullying my sister. She locked herself in a toilet. I forgot all about her till somebody came and told me this girl locked herself in a toilet and I was in trouble. I still don't know if I said I was going to throw her in the lake or if she was exaggerating.

Other bully girls would just run away and I still don't know why. If there was an argument it'd stop if I said something and a guy actually said "uh oh Sarah's getting involved“ one time but I don't know how or why any of this is.

Then when I was about 15 I had a bf who had a hand gun. He left me with the hand gun. I ran away that night for what seemed like half an hour but I was gone for two. Apparently people got robbed that night and it still frightens me if it was me but I never had any extra money so I don't think it was.

What I remember of that night is I left the house. I walked over to the field. A fox jumped out of a bush, I nearly shot it out of fright and I felt bad. I sat down under a tree. I decided I should just go home and sit in the garage (where I was always sent when in trouble). Shortly after sitting in the garage I was found. They said they first looked in the garage but I wasn't there. They then went out looking for me, my bf at the time panicked because he knew I had his gun. He got a train to me which takes about 1.45 hours, he found me in the garage. So I either sat around spaced out for an hour and a half or I did something else. I remember thinking about "I could Rob people and run away with the money" but as far as I know I just went home.

At one point I thought, years later, if I did do that I would Bury the money by this old iron sign by a stream so I went there but the sign had been removed - it was a 1908 sign, heavy and made of iron so somebody probably took it for scrap. Anyway without the sign being there I wouldn't know where exactly to dig so I didn't.

A time I know they did something I woke up in a police cell. It was Sunday. I thought "thank god I haven't got to go on holiday with my mother" Then I thought wtf happened. I saw the whole thing. I smashed a pub, bit a police officer, moved someone out the way by their throat, punched a bar maid. I'd already done the interview, annoyed them so much they threw me into the cell. I thought sh#t I better get a lawyer. The lawyer managed to get me just a fine because I'd already been in jail for three days and I had no other criminal record.

There's another incident that I won't bore you with but yes I have alters who have done that. Pat was involved in the incident I'm not writing but Paul apparently did the bit I nobody remembered for days so I don't count Pat as an alter that goes off, he more tries to clean up the mess.

Sarah

MakersDozn wrote:We can't speak to having a "dark self," although we do think that it's normal to have some degree of a dark side.

We have a part known only as "Shadow", or "A Shadow" - both are used. IDK if shadow is a name, a title, or a description... but it is what it is. It is the part cutting us over the last several months. Scared of the trauma coming to light, it being known and "shared" among us. It's been a reaction to the nightmares and the uncovering what hurt us.

I suspect it's a general persecutor sort of thing... a misguided means of protecting us, the hand-slap to keep us from touching the hot stove top sort of mentality.

But that's the closest to a "dark version" of any of us that we've got. As far as I know, it's not a version or anything like that of any of us.

Thanks for answering. As I said previously for us it only seems to trigger at 'that TOTM' and the rest of time we seem to very calm and dare i say it ...almost verging on normal some days!..particuarly where one TOTM has missed and we've had a break and we've had a break from it for at least2 months!

There definitely seems to be a connection between the two events!

Psychosis isn't a dark self or a psycho psychopath.

Psychosis is a break from reality. It can mean hallucinations or it can mean you believe things that are not reality like when I believed I was in the enchanted forest for example.

Psychosis isn't when I smashed up a pub. That was Paul drunk because he wanted to get jail so we avoided holiday with the mother. Paul I think has ASPD - anti social personality disorder which is more what people call psycho.

Psychosis or being psychotic is something completely different.

Sarah

Hi Sioux,

Firstly, we agree with Sarah on the fact that psychosis, from what we intend it, corresponds to a break from reality, which doesn't go hand in hand with being dangerous!

I'm going to assume that with "psychotic" you mean someone that is violent though because of how you described it.

We have the entirety of JR's system that has possibly shown some signs of ASPD or violent thoughts or actions, but we have no idea why all these impulses seem to be so bound to them. JR is destructive with mostly himself (self-harm, smoking, drugs), and despises the great majority of people. Nathan had the potential, years ago, to be physically and verbally violent (apart from being self-destructive too), but that came out mostly with our best friend at the time (the verbal part). The physical part came out just once, with our mother, when defending ourselves. Zero is a different story. He's a powerful protector, but he used to hide behind this black, grim-reaper type of robe and say awful things to some of us (probably reenacting some sort of abuse). From when we started listening to him and treating him like a person and not like a demon, he changed a great deal and doesn't repeat those awfult things anymore. A thing that stayed with him, though, are extremely violent thoughts towards others (never himself). We guess that it's a way to cope with his feelings of anger and rage, and a way to express himself, as weird as it sounds... he needs to feel powerful and strong to be able to protect the mind, so I guess that's why he indulges in those images and feelings.

Ironically, though, out of all of us, the person who did the most damage in the outside world has been Nico, and not any one of them. Of course, JR didn't treat the body well at all, but Nico has done many things that he regrets (always when trying to protect us) and that the rest of us has completely removed from our mind. So, it is not always the overtly "dark" ones who have to be the "bad" ones, if you want to go as far as saying that an alter can be bad.

It is often, in our experience with ourselves, a matter of how one copes with situations. There are no bad, dark, or dangerous alters, but there are situations in which any person can become a danger to oneself or others. There are bad actions that don't necessarily come from bad people.

I hope this helps somehow!

P.S. in regards to the time in which these thoughts emerge, for us at least, knowing all the hormones and bodily changes involved in the process, it seems like something that really makes sense! At least in our very young minds, lol