something scary bad happen last night

They are getting into your body to say you’re delusional—why do THEY get to tell you what’s going on inside you?

I was explaining structural dissociation, which is the commonly accepted current view of how DID forms and persists. Within that theory, all the parts are alters, and one part isn’t more important than another. Research on identity formation in babies and young children SHOWS that they don’t start to have a unified identity or concept of “me” until age 2, and it’s still quite fluid after that.

You asked what a host was, and I told you. According to that theory, and the accepted treatment approach based on it, everyone in a DID system is an alter. It’s not a scary, bad, delusional thing. It’s just a way of looking at oneself that has proven to be useful in treating DID.

Maybe you have parts inside who disagree with your way of looking at things. I don’t know—of course I’m not in your body. The point is to not let anyone TELL you what’s going on inside you, but to listen carefully inside to all the points of view and start to accept the feelings and thoughts of all the parts.

here maybe you not understand what I mean. goes back to you posts to me and you will see these words to me -


So YOU are an alter just like all the rest of them,

I copy that from one of you posts to me. there be many more to me that you gangs say to me I be an alter w hen I not be an alter

When there is a current psychological theory about something, nobody can blame the people, who try to explain it.

Of course it is not nice, when you, andiKirkwood, interpreted what the members of this board tried to tell you, in a negative way.
But it is still your interpretation of their words, and not their responsibility.
They can't see or guess, what you are associating with the word "alter".

If you have DID you are a alter because you were split from trauma. You never developed the full identity you were supposed to because of the trauma. So instead you have parts (alters). Each carrying their own memories, feelings, etc.

andiKirkwood wrote:here maybe you not understand what I mean. goes back to you posts to me and you will see these words to me -


So YOU are an alter just like all the rest of them,

I copy that from one of you posts to me. there be many more to me that you gangs say to me I be an alter w hen I not be an alter

The context is that according to the theory of structural dissociation you are an alter like all the others.

If you’re so sure you’re not an alter, why did you tell your sister you were? I’m not responsible for what you tell other people.

This has been a big issue for you from the beginning. You came on this forum saying that you didn’t want us to tell you that you were an alter, or to tell you that you had to be an alter to write here. so clearly this forum is not the first place you’ve come across people trying to explain current DID theory to you.

I still don’t understand the huge overreaction of everyone around you. Exploring different ideas about your system shouldn’t cause people to say you’re delusional and urgently ship you off to an inpatient program. If you’re not considered delusional for HAVING alters (many people are misdiagnosed this way), it doesn’t make sense to consider you delusional for wondering if you are an alter like the rest of your system.

Every theory that explain DID says everyone in the system is an alter, even the "original personality" (or core alter).

Structural dissociation says that, neurological studies about DID say that, even when you apply the psychoanalysis theory to DID, it's the same. And the psychoanalysis theory isn't really made to explain DID in the first place...

I get that people and studies can make mistakes, but when everyone, every specialist agree on that, when it's coherent with every theory about how the mind and the identity grow and evolve, about how the brain and the memory work, even most of the ones which are too old to recognize DID... I just don't understand why everyone freaked out around you, andi.

Everyone in a system is an alter, even the original, because the personality of a child, or the way their brain works, or their sense of identity, or whatever the theory you want to use, isn't fully integrated, it happens slowly through the childhood, so everyone starts with "parts" at first.

So you can have a part that was more functional than others very early and be seen as the original, or a part that looks like what the person would be without trauma, or be an "image" of the child before the trauma, but that will still be an alter...

The more you talk about your treatment, the more it makes me uncomfortable and raise red flags, that why I've never commented before, but here you can't blame anyone on this forum for just telling you what is seen as basic knowledge of DID. There's no one to blame if your doctors/therapists freaked out for not knowing the basics of DID.

Now, if you feel like you're not an alter, okay. You're the only one who knows what is happening inside you, you're right.
But then, why telling others you're an alter if you don't think it's true ? I can get why people around you could have been surprised if you are usually adamant about not being an alter, then suddenly saying you are one, just "to try"... Not being coherent enough can be a sign of delusion.
I don't say it justify what happened, but it can be an explanation. The issue may not be the information (being or not being an alter), but the whole context around the information...

Sounds like AndiKirkwood's community looked after her/him very well.

The concept of being "an alter" was scary, it felt wrong, they went above and beyond to check it out. It's much more than many people who are struggling get.

Andi, do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.

What everyone is saying here is that according to the vast majority -- virtually all really -- writing on DID, those based on specific theories or not, parts of someone with DID that are dissociated from other parts are referred to using a term like alter (short for alternate identity), part, personality, part of the self, member, disaggregated self state, etc. These are just terms but if anyone comes on this board and states they have alters but aren't one themselves, they're not going to get agreement.

Some new posters -- and this sounds different from what you're describing -- start with the point of view that they, the poster, are somehow the person (or worse, the "real" person) and everyone else is "just" an alter who is somehow not part of them (or worse, "not real"). This runs completely counter to current understanding of DID. It's a line of thinking that is specifically recommended against for treatment. There are studies on treatment that back up this approach.

I'm sorry you've run into problems when what you need is support and understanding. You're facing a unique situation and it sounds like some ignorance but I'm only basing that on what you've written.

andiKirkwood wrote:the white man hospital specialist gots the timberlawn specialist to sees me.

he tells me I be right that I not alter cause I be the one that be borned to my momma and alters came 3 years after I bed born from mamma when white man hurts me...

...I jest wahts you to know whats a danger situation you alls put me in by telling me i be alter when I not be an alter. not even by white mans diagnosis rules.

please stop hurting other people by trying to force you thinking everyone be alters when they not alters an say they not alters. timberlawn specialist tells me many come to them saying they suicidal cause they be told this trash and it not true.

peoples who say everyone is alter jest cause they have parts is spreading danger, putting people in danger. it be true that everyone that born from the momma have parts but alters life inside the one born to momma and the one born to momma aint an alter by any diagnosis rules.

I know that everyone who responded to andi on this thread reiterated the theory of structural dissociation, and the disruption of identity formation by early childhood trauma. But I was disturbed enough by all of this to double-check with my T about whether any knowledgeable, reputable "DID specialist" would call it "trash" and "dangerous" to tell someone that a system consists of alters who are all equally important.

I was wondering if there was a known group of experts with a different point of view from that--perhaps a competing theory that is debated about or something. My T said that anyone knowledgeable in the field knows that the self is not formed and complete at the start, but takes several years to develop, and formation of that single identity is disrupted by trauma. He started to say that in some cases, say if there's no trauma before age 4, things might be a little different--but I interrupted him to say that in this case, we've heard that the trauma started at least by age 3, so I'm not sure what he was going to say. But he said that in any case, all the parts are always equally important.

I guess I'm not saying anything more or different than Johnny-Jack and others said, but it did trouble me that there was a supposed DID specialist "trash-talking" the commonly accepted view of DID, according to andi. And the hospital that andi said she's going to is one of the three that Colin Ross established his Institute at after it moved from Timberlawn in Texas in 2007, so it's a reputable place.

Anyway, I hope things work out for the best for you, andi.