How to deal with denial?

Hello guys and girls,

A few days ago I started to realize, that the second person/part inside myselve is real.

But even now, after it/he proved it to me in an extremely clear way, I still search for other answers, and ignore the facts. Maybe some of you can give you some tips, how to handle this denial-automatism.

To show you what I am talking about:
1
Every day I have mini-Amnesia, where I am missing the complete memory of several seconds or minutes. For example people talk about agreements/discussions with me, of which I am sure, that I never was part of that. Sometimes I am missing single sentences, sometimes whole conversations.
-how I denial here: "I just have a bad memory".
2
I have found articles in my appartment, which the day before weren't there, although I am sure, that I was the whole time at home during that time, and didn't buy anything.
-how I denial here: "you can't always explain everything, things happen.."
3
Sometimes, when I am looking into the mirror, I have the feeling, that the person who stares back, is kind of not myselve, but still a person which I know. The movements of the head are different, the face expression is different, the complete appearance is different.
-how I denial here: "must be a light/shadow effect".
4
Last week I told my girlfriend, that IF I have a second personality, then there is some evidence, that it likes to write with a small font size. This is, how my brain tried to use this, as a message to me:

A few days ago, I was writing down into a word document, how sometimes I love something, and after that I suddenly detest it completely.
After reading it again, I noticed, that the second part of the sentence, the one about the detesting thing, had a different font size than the first part of the sentence.
-first denial: "ah ok must a be a formation error"
proving it wrong: I noticed, that it can't be true. The sentence was completely inside one
row/line, and furthermore, in the lines above and below, there was everywhere
the normal font size activated. Microsoft Word doesn't change half of one row
by itselve.
-second denial: "nah that still must be a mistake, I didn't change it, must be word".
proving it wrong: In the moment I denied again, suddenly a memory came into my head,
how I used a keyboard-combination, to change the font size,
during the writing.
the key point here: I don't know a combination to do this, the only
combinations I know, are STRG-S and STRG-Z
-third denial: "yeah kind of.. makes sense.. don't know... let's forget about that"

I decided to NOT forget about it, and to write it down here.
I hope that I will still remember it in a few days, it's very possible that it won't be the case.


It's very hard to accept/realize something, where every hard evidence I find, gets denied or forgotten by myselve.

I hope, that maybe some of you can give me tips how to fight the "it's not real"-mechanism.

Sincerely,
Henrik

Personally I think the only way is to have internal dialogue or outside dialogue in a journal. This makes you feel more crazy at first but eventually it starts to make you realise that it's not crazy, you simply have another part to yourself that you didn't know was there.

First, thank you alot for your advice.

If I may ask a second question;
How would you try to get every part involved in a dialogue,
how would you "sent" an invitation that actually reaches them?

I am having a hard time seperating my own thoughts,
and the "other" thoughts.

More than one or two parts at once is very difficult. Try to just talk with one or two.

There's only been a couple of times when there has been multiple parts able to talk. That's been in crisis times when I've been ill in hospital or just before or after. So I don't know if it's a good aim.

Also it was in extreme circumstances. One time because I thought the twins April Games (an internal world games) were contributing to the upset I was experiencing. I was in a board room and so were many other parts and then I got thrown out. And the other was when the Overlord was sharing his trauma but that was him talking and many others listening, not dialogue.

Communication with one or two at the most at once is probably better.

I don't have any advice to give because I doubt a lot too. Just know you are not alone when you say that you have trouble knowing who the thoughts come from. Me or them. I can relate.

@Sarandipity
That makes totally sense, and actually kind of worked already,
although there will have to be much more inner communication,
before the very rational personality, which handles everyday life (me), completely believes it.

Btw that must have been a strange feeling for you, when you got thrown out.

I saw some of your posts in this forum btw, and I like it very much how you try to help others, even during own struggles.

@Rive
That is actually already helpful, because I thought that most people having DID are sure about that, after noticing it.
Hope that we both, each in his own way of course, get more clarity over the time.

I second the journal suggestion.

Mostly I wanted to say that it is super normal to experience denial like this, especially in the " rational, everyday life" parts. I was diagnosed three years ago and the denial is something I still deal with every single day. The denial is an integral part of the disorder, I think, a sort of built-in protective mechanism.

So it will probably help to get better communication internally, but just know that it is not unusual to still feel all the doubts.

@vortexvoid
Also thanks to you,
the "The denial is an integral part of the disorder" and "protection mechanism"- part somehow got me.
Sounds true, cause denying memories to protect the stability is by definition the start of DID, so you should be right, that it's still a main point lateron.

Btw.. just a little thought:
somehow I don't even want my parts to reconnect completely.. it feels alright, that they are seperated.. and in everyday life it works fine most of the time.

Only the bad-communication-thing feels unhealthy, but working on that