Question about stuff.

I don't know if this is a silly question or not but can you just decide all stuff is everyone's?

I'm thinking about it, not sure it's a good idea but I'm thinking about it.

For example the cooker is really Roses. She'll use it most and care about it enough to clean it. Getting a new cooker helped her to come back in the body and we're hoping it helps that to happen more often.

"No-one" has jewelry. Mandy has a necklace and teddies and toys and colour books etc. The Overlord has a book he's reading. Beth has a laptop. Karen enjoys beauty treatments so can't really declare those everyone's because they hate them. Paul doesn't have anything, he said he has swagger lol he's joking. He did have some stuff but Paul's stuff was illegal so we had to get rid of it, an illegally imported gun, a samari sword and a hatchet he found so you can see why they had to go. I feel a bit bad he doesn't have anything, he doesn't care because he said he can't have anything he wants and he's accepted it but there must be something he wants that isn't illegal... Can't afford a Ford Mustang lol.

Anyway is it possible or a good idea to declare all stuff everyone's?

I can see possible problems like nobody looking after the cooker if it's not Roses or the teddies being argued over. But I see it could be useful in creating a more unified sense of self.

But then nobody else is gonna read the overlords book and I don't think anyone will be playing with Mandy's music box. Maybe it's a silly idea. I don't know. Have any of you tried this?

You've only outlined problems that would happen if you "declare all stuff everyone's," and no benefits except a vague idea that would somehow create "a more unified sense of self."

How well would it fly to declare all of your outside children's stuff to belong to all of them in order to create a "more unified sense of" family?

I know that for us, we don't want each other's stuff, and also a lot of stuff is already shared. So all the littles hug the stuffies we sleep with that belong to Little and Claire, but no one else is interested in "owning" them. The puzzle book is Bobby's--no one else likes to do puzzles. The rock and shell collection is his also, but he shares it with Oliver, and no one else is really interested in it. The make-up is Sasha's I guess, although Meredith likes it, too. It wouldn't make sense to "declare" that it also belongs to Bobby and Oliver--they don't want it.

Anyway, I don't know if that's helpful. And sorry if we were snarky.

This was actually my strategy at Hannukah / Christmas. I didn't want anyone to feel excluded or overlooked. I couldn't think where to draw the line between kids I know well enough to give gifts to and those I don't. And a gift for each person I've met would mean A LOT of gifts!
So I made it clear that, while some people may enjoy particular gifts more than others, all gifts are for all people.
When opening the gifts, I would hand each gift to my kids/friends and say "This is for everyone, but maybe 'G' (or 'M' or 'Z' or 'L' etc) would like to open it."
This seemed to please everyone

Hey Sarandipity,

I kinda agree with Gang on this?

Like, ok yeah you could probably 'decide' that, but would anyone else go along with it? And like, what's the point? Where's the benefit? You already said what the drawbacks could be.

FWIW there's lots of stuff that we consider 'ours' as a group, but that's like, our bed, our toothbrush, our desk, whatever. Stuff we all use all the time, that's not like special to anyone.

The stuff that people really care about tho, is way more specific. Like the legos are Charlies, and noone else's. Not that nobody's allowed to touch them, but nobody else is interested, so why would they? The old cameras are Arin's, nobody else is interested in them so nobody else does anything with them.

So even if one of us up front here did say 'everything is everybodys' it wouldn't actually change anything. Noone else would care, and noone else would do anything different.

Those of us who front a lot, and maybe others too, we do recognize that collectively as a system we're all just one body and from that PoV all the stuff belongs to all of us. But it's like, the distinction doesn't matter?

Viola

I think it depends on why everyone wants their own stuff.

We just have the issue right now about a sweatshirt. It was too expensive to buy two of them, but Nathan wanted it in green as a gift for Ethan, and Claude wanted it in yellow.
After talking with everyone, Nathan agreed to let Claude pick the color. First because Nathan and Ethan already have stuff that belong to them outside, while Claude doesn't have anything yet ; and second because Nathan and Ethan feel safe about their place in the system, while Claude is still trying to find his and he still fears rejection from us. For him, it's not just about "owning" something outside, it's also about being accepted by the others.

In our system, we share pretty much everything. Most of the time, when we say "this belongs to X", it's just because X is the only alter who use that thing.
But there's still few "special things" that really belong to one of us and no one else would touch it without asking for permission first. Not because the owner of the thing would be upset, most of the time the answer is positive, but because we know this thing is really important to them, we respect that, and having the option of saying "no" and be listened is reassuring for them.

This is important to us because when we were a child, my father liked to threaten us to put our belongings to trash if we didn't behave, and also went into our room while we were at school more than once to hide or broke our stuff.

So yep, we're quite protective of our belongings, and for us it wouldn't be a good idea to say "it's everyone's now". It would create tension and insecurity about the things important to some of us.

Yeah, you're all right it was a silly idea. We did it with clothes, created a uniform type thing, because it was easier but it doesn't really work with personal items. Nobody wants eachother stuff anyway. I can't force others to read the overlords book he's reading or to color so it was a silly idea. It seemed like maybe a unifying thing but in reality it wouldn't happen anyway, as you say, even if I just declared everything everyones because it's not really that simple.

with me everybody have everthing. one body. so's if everbodies have differnet things too confusing. ever body gots their own styles but material things same. we aint gots millions of money to buys everone ther be own things like foods clothes toys, books. one body sos every one has everthing then they be the one doing things. it be my body, my clothes my books, my sheets my blankets my food up there in pantry and my pots and pans and plates and forks and spoons. it all be mine and I use um, then when someone else be doing things the same body same clothes same books same sheets same blankets plats pots pans spoons and fork and pantry get used. then someone else does things they be calling same things theres they be in the same body and they calls it their own cause they in it, they call the same books plates, spoons pots pans food clothes theirs. it take too much money to buy different for ever ones. one body so one ever thing. just different ways do things likes when I use the clothes I combine different colors then some one else, I combs hair different and when I cook with same pots and pans as ever one else I make cookies. when I reads the books on the same book shelf I likes the ones with making fun things. when someone else using same things they cook something different, combs hair different like reading different book subjects. but wes all have the same things cause its one house, one body and we dont be going around spending lots of money and filling house with things that onlys one uses. dont make sense when you be living in small place to have a bunch of clutter sides landlords dont take kindly to hording and having too much thjings that can be blocking all their codes an rules. sides that we be raised that material objects not so important. whats important is what wes believe in ourselves and other stuffs to be good people that respects the land, animals and people. I not be materialistic and neither be anyone else use body. objects comes and goes but what matters is hows we think and behave and have respect for peoples and animals better, respecting me no one can ever take away, being a good person no ones can take away. hows I decide to dos things no one be taking away. morals manners and not material things dont clutter, and makes for a nice life. material things usually cause people problems. peoples get so upset when their computers and cell phones and cable and tvs and clothes aint right. they dont takes the time to see they just be things what matter is inside and how you show self to others not objects that gets lost, breaks, dont work cost lots just to have around for that ones time someone else may use it. I be taught not be materialistic.

andiKirkwood wrote:with me everybody have everthing. one body. so's if everbodies have differnet things too confusing. ever body gots their own styles but material things same. we aint gots millions of money to buys everone ther be own things like foods clothes toys, books. one body sos every one has everthing then they be the one doing things. it be my body, my clothes my books, my sheets my blankets my food up there in pantry and my pots and pans and plates and forks and spoons. it all be mine and I use um, then when someone else be doing things the same body same clothes same books same sheets same blankets plats pots pans spoons and fork and pantry get used. then someone else does things they be calling same things theres they be in the same body and they calls it their own cause they in it, they call the same books plates, spoons pots pans food clothes theirs. it take too much money to buy different for ever ones. one body so one ever thing. just different ways do things likes when I use the clothes I combine different colors then some one else, I combs hair different and when I cook with same pots and pans as ever one else I make cookies. when I reads the books on the same book shelf I likes the ones with making fun things. when someone else using same things they cook something different, combs hair different like reading different book subjects. but wes all have the same things cause its one house, one body and we dont be going around spending lots of money and filling house with things that onlys one uses. dont make sense when you be living in small place to have a bunch of clutter sides landlords dont take kindly to hording and having too much thjings that can be blocking all their codes an rules. sides that we be raised that material objects not so important. whats important is what wes believe in ourselves and other stuffs to be good people that respects the land, animals and people. I not be materialistic and neither be anyone else use body. objects comes and goes but what matters is hows we think and behave and have respect for peoples and animals better, respecting me no one can ever take away, being a good person no ones can take away. hows I decide to dos things no one be taking away. morals manners and not material things dont clutter, and makes for a nice life. material things usually cause people problems. peoples get so upset when their computers and cell phones and cable and tvs and clothes aint right. they dont takes the time to see they just be things what matter is inside and how you show self to others not objects that gets lost, breaks, dont work cost lots just to have around for that ones time someone else may use it. I be taught not be materialistic.

Sorry my brain can't read one massive block of text but the gist I got was that everyone reads the same books and likes the same stuff.

It doesn't work like that for me. The overlord is reading a paranormal book which would give others nightmares or not be interesting to them and some of my alters can't read at all. Which I often think they're probably better off not reading lol. So I can't say the book is everyone's because another down side to saying that is that someone might then move it or throw it out. The Overlord isn't out much. He was out the whole day and read one book, he then took it back to the second hand shop he likes which is an animal activist charity shop (he's a vegan animal activist) and gave it back and bought the next one in the series because the shop had it and he knew. Now he's taking his time with this one book. He takes over occasionally to read a few pages, he's savouring it.

When we did the clothes it was a joint decision due to people in our group psychotherapy noticing how we dressed different and that we had memory issues and seemed like a different person each time. This freaked us out. We made a clothes uniform because then visually we'd be the same. We have relaxed the uniform. Rose and Karen have a few dresses. But we don't have such overt change in style now.

I think certain things we have are unavoidable at being particular people's stuff. Nobody else is ever going to pick up Patricks tools either. They're just not going to, won't care to or have anything to do with them. So till he's back they're left alone. It's just how it is. It's doesn't cost anymore money than it would if I was a singleton. The cooker is Roses, she loves it. Tell anyone else it's theirs or expect them to care about a cooker is a waste of time. So I agree with others here I was clasping at straws to think declaring everything everyones would make any difference, it wouldn't.

But if you feel better how you are, however that is, then great.

You're the one person the twins told me to block and I didn't when they were blocking people and getting us restricted, or whatever, for being too loosely worded with their opinions on others. Regardless, posts are easier to read if you use paragraphs and some punctuation even if it's incorrect so if I got the gist of what you was saying wrong then my apologies.

andiKirkwood wrote:with me everybody have everthing. one body. so's if everbodies have differnet things too confusing. ever body gots their own styles but material things same. we aint gots millions of money to buys everone ther be own things like foods clothes toys, books. one body sos every one has everthing then they be the one doing things. it be my body, my clothes my books, my sheets my blankets my food up there in pantry and my pots and pans and plates and forks and spoons. it all be mine and I use um, then when someone else be doing things the same body same clothes same books same sheets same blankets plats pots pans spoons and fork and pantry get used. then someone else does things they be calling same things theres they be in the same body and they calls it their own cause they in it, they call the same books plates, spoons pots pans food clothes theirs. it take too much money to buy different for ever ones. one body so one ever thing. just different ways do things likes when I use the clothes I combine different colors then some one else, I combs hair different and when I cook with same pots and pans as ever one else I make cookies. when I reads the books on the same book shelf I likes the ones with making fun things. when someone else using same things they cook something different, combs hair different like reading different book subjects. but wes all have the same things cause its one house, one body and we dont be going around spending lots of money and filling house with things that onlys one uses. dont make sense when you be living in small place to have a bunch of clutter sides landlords dont take kindly to hording and having too much thjings that can be blocking all their codes an rules. sides that we be raised that material objects not so important. whats important is what wes believe in ourselves and other stuffs to be good people that respects the land, animals and people. I not be materialistic and neither be anyone else use body. objects comes and goes but what matters is hows we think and behave and have respect for peoples and animals better, respecting me no one can ever take away, being a good person no ones can take away. hows I decide to dos things no one be taking away. morals manners and not material things dont clutter, and makes for a nice life. material things usually cause people problems. peoples get so upset when their computers and cell phones and cable and tvs and clothes aint right. they dont takes the time to see they just be things what matter is inside and how you show self to others not objects that gets lost, breaks, dont work cost lots just to have around for that ones time someone else may use it. I be taught not be materialistic.

andiKirkwood wrote:with me everybody have everthing. one body. so's if everbodies have differnet things too confusing. ever body gots their own styles but material things same. we aint gots millions of money to buys everone ther be own things like foods clothes toys, books. one body sos every one has everthing then they be the one doing things. it be my body, my clothes my books, my sheets my blankets my food up there in pantry and my pots and pans and plates and forks and spoons. it all be mine and I use um, then when someone else be doing things the same body same clothes same books same sheets same blankets plats pots pans spoons and fork and pantry get used. then someone else does things they be calling same things theres they be in the same body and they calls it their own cause they in it, they call the same books plates, spoons pots pans food clothes theirs. it take too much money to buy different for ever ones. one body so one ever thing. just different ways do things likes when I use the clothes I combine different colors then some one else, I combs hair different and when I cook with same pots and pans as ever one else I make cookies. when I reads the books on the same book shelf I likes the ones with making fun things. when someone else using same things they cook something different, combs hair different like reading different book subjects. but wes all have the same things cause its one house, one body and we dont be going around spending lots of money and filling house with things that onlys one uses. dont make sense when you be living in small place to have a bunch of clutter sides landlords dont take kindly to hording and having too much thjings that can be blocking all their codes an rules. sides that we be raised that material objects not so important. whats important is what wes believe in ourselves and other stuffs to be good people that respects the land, animals and people. I not be materialistic and neither be anyone else use body. objects comes and goes but what matters is hows we think and behave and have respect for peoples and animals better, respecting me no one can ever take away, being a good person no ones can take away. hows I decide to dos things no one be taking away. morals manners and not material things dont clutter, and makes for a nice life. material things usually cause people problems. peoples get so upset when their computers and cell phones and cable and tvs and clothes aint right. they dont takes the time to see they just be things what matter is inside and how you show self to others not objects that gets lost, breaks, dont work cost lots just to have around for that ones time someone else may use it. I be taught not be materialistic.

Hi I read your one block of text. You're saying you see this as an issue of materialism.

Your saying that you were raised to respect yourself and to have manners and morals.

Are you therefore implying that a child alter having a toy is being disrespectful immoral and without manners?

Are you saying Patrick having tools to fix things is because he's immoral and has no manners and has no respect for himself? He said he doesn't have any respect for himself, he'd like to go get drunk and cock block men - which is either moral because they're players or amoral I'm not sure but it isn't immoral. And his lack of respect for himself I could of probably left out.

Anyway... Are you saying that Rose can't love the cooker and bake in it and feel it's hers because other people use it? That she's rude and immoral for feeling happy to have a lovely cooker or are you saying Paul should love the cooker the same as Rose because he might cook sausages in it sometimes?

Maybe you're going by the Bible and not to covet and worship false idols? I don't know.

My parents taught me I'm nothing, that nobody cares about me and anything I have can be taken away. Does that mean that I therefore have to live not wanting or enjoying anything and letting people walk on me?

If we all went by what our parents taught us this would be an even more terrible world than it already is.

I'm happy for you that you feel you had a great upbringing.

However I find it rude, presumptive and disrespectful for you to imply that people who enjoy everyday things in life are materialistic, rude, immoral and don't respect themselves, if that is indeed what you are implying. Therefore please clarify if that is what you are implying.

Many Thanks,

Karen

andiKirkwood wrote:when I reads the books on the same book shelf I likes the ones with making fun things. when someone else using same things they cook something different, combs hair different like reading different book subjects.

So you have different parts who like different books. And sometimes when you buy a book, it's because a certain part likes it, and other parts don't. So they probably think of it as their book, since they're the one who reads it, even though it's owned by all of you.

And what about toys and art materials for the littles? What activities do they do? Do you have books for them with pictures?