Singing Part

Do you think it's possible to have a part that just sings?

I sing out loud and in my head. The singing in my head is pretty much constant. It used to bug me but now the singer will sing different songs if one is annoying me. If I sing out loud then the internal singing stops. If I stop singing out loud then the internal singing starts up again.

I have read or heard, someone has, that singing is helpful for anxiety. I was thinking about how I remember words to songs I haven't heard for years. It like I have a MP3 player in my head with a massive song list of all different genres. I thought what if the singing part stopped singing and learnt something else but then I thought if it does help anxiety then the singing part is really useful. I don't know if it's possible to talk to the singing part. Maybe it's not got a personality or anything and is just there for singing but it does usually pick songs that suit the mood of how feelings are and also if wanting something more cheerful for example it can pick a different song - which was not possible as a child. As a child songs would get stuck in my head for days and it was impossible to stop it. As a teen I learnt a trick that if I sung a nursery rhyme over and over it would stop the song and another song would start. Now I can just say "please, something more cheerful" or "that's getting annoying" and it will change. So I does seem like that singing part can understand whereas it couldn't before and was literally just stuck with the same song over and over. So maybe it's possible to talk to it.

Anyone else have a singing part?

Not a singing part, but a musician, who produces an almost constant stream of music in our head and also sometimes sneaks out in the body and uses outside instruments to do so. He translates emotions into music and sometimes creates soundtracks to stories we are writing.
Unfortunately he hates most outside music, because it interrupts his own music and can get angry, if we are exposed to sound he doesn't like

-Autumn

Yes, we have a part who repeats song lyrics over and over and over. Usually they contain a message he wants us to know.

I have read that the different types of brain like logic vs. emotion are physically made up of different types of tissue, which makes it hard for them to communicate even for normal people. The creative mind (such as the mind that creates music) is like a bridge between the logical and emotional aspects of the mind/brain. I don't have any musical parts but I think the creative parts generally act as internal self helpers.

In the document about a system with 2 500+ part, there was a little in that system called Melody. She sang to who ever was in the body suffering abuse, when they were abused, to comfort.

That document was talked in here too when it was new, I don't know if you've seen it. It's about a system finally getting their abuser in prison after years of work. Court heard them as a system, who ever knew something about questions asked testified, and they were taken seriously. It's in here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsXFcbPbvI4

They don't share abuse details, just that it was torturelike and that hearing details about it had a deep impact to people working on that case. They do mention physical damage it caused, so trigger warning for that. But the doc itself is not social porn for people to get to hear about horrendous abuse, but more of a survival story. DID is presented well, I think that document was done with good judgement about what to share and how. It lets people close enough to understand the trauma and what it causes to someone, but it doesn't exploit them more.

Thanks Floralie. I watched most of it. It's very tough to watch and it set me off crying immediately. I felt like I'd watched it before at first but then I switched a couple of times and I don't think those parts felt like that and then when I was back I stopped watching it.

There was a couple of things she said that struck a chord with me. That the splitting protected her soul - I've felt like that, that I'd be a monster if I didn't split and that I still have a soul because of it and that the splitting was an act of love, I've felt that too that it happens out of love.

She's very brave. I don't think I could do it even though other parts of me would love to do what she did. Also I felt as I watched it that I wouldn't want to upset other people how the police officer was upset, I know it's unavoidable to upset someone with stuff like this and he did his job and did it well and it was Obviously for the best but I felt like I wouldn't want to upset other people with my stuff. When Paul started to document fragments he that came forward from my system he couldn't cope with it so if a part of myself can't cope with it then it'd be worse for other people. Those fragments are sort of incorporated into general memory now, or the memory is but not the fragments, which makes it easier to know I'm not crazy but makes it harder to live.

The smell thing she said. I have that too. I can block smells and when I asked internally "what does dad smell like" I could smell the smell in my mind, not outside, it was odd. So probably there are parts for smells in my system too. But that'd be alot of fragments, same as the actual trauma memory fragments. When they initially asked how many times I'd been r***** apparently I said 170 something but then when I went for some kind of initial interview apparently I said nothing happened. Personally I don't remember saying either so it's difficult but I am slowly getting to realise that when I add it all up - having different personalities plus fragments of abuse, plus apparently when I speak about past events it's like they happened yesterday so when I access memory recall it is actually good memory I think I have to believe myself that isn't in doubt not any parts that are left that are in doubt. Which since Rose went depressed etc because she tried to look after some fragments and realised how awful it all was and I haven't heard or seen her since, I think, I don't know that their are doubting parts left now.

Also I knew what was wrong with me psychologically (I have parts) but didn't have a word until psychotherapy therapy 10 years ago and wouldn't let her delve so can't blame it on therapy.

That is why one should never try trauma work without a T. And in therapy you do years of grounding and stability first. DID is there for a reason, if you get exposed to all of those memories, you will break the ways that DID saved you from originally by separating the memories.

That's also the reason to still do it, in therapy. Because it's not right those parts are suffering. But bringing them in here before there is anyone who can take care of them is wrong too, against everyone in the system. It's WAY too early for your system, you don't work as a team that well at all, there's a lot of dismissing other parts. DID is an act of love, although it's not conscious choice to get it. When you can feel that love towards each other in the system and work together, then you're strong enough to deal with memories, because all of you have support both inside, and outside from your T.

Hearing about something can not be worse than experiencing it. If hearing upsets professionals, it's not your fault, it's abusers fault and your right to get to tell about it if it helps you any way. They decided their professions themselves and they need to be able to take care of it or do something else instead. They're responsible of having their support systems well enough for them to be able to work and have support from other professionals too. Non of that is your responsibility, you're the victim. Not them.

Floralie wrote:That is why one should never try trauma work without a T. And in therapy you do years of grounding and stability first. DID is there for a reason, if you get exposed to all of those memories, you will break the ways that DID saved you from originally by separating the memories.

That's also the reason to still do it, in therapy. Because it's not right those parts are suffering. But bringing them in here before there is anyone who can take care of them is wrong too, against everyone in the system. It's WAY too early for your system, you don't work as a team that well at all, there's a lot of dismissing other parts. DID is an act of love, although it's not conscious choice to get it. When you can feel that love towards each other in the system and work together, then you're strong enough to deal with memories, because all of you have support both inside, and outside from your T.

Hearing about something can not be worse than experiencing it. If hearing upsets professionals, it's not your fault, it's abusers fault and your right to get to tell about it if it helps you any way. They decided their professions themselves and they need to be able to take care of it or do something else instead. They're responsible of having their support systems well enough for them to be able to work and have support from other professionals too. Non of that is your responsibility, you're the victim. Not them.

It's only the last few days I've been getting my head around "I am a victim" I've never seen my self that way before and hated any connotation towards that even though I had adult trauma too. I realised it a couple of days ago and managed to intellectually embrace it as not being a slight on my character. But yeah, your right. I studied counseling and psychotherapy and realised I couldn't do it as a job because I wouldn't cope with hearing alot of other people's trauma so people in those jobs logically must be able to.

At the time of accessing fragments it was due to fear over my daughter and needing to know and wanting to report. It wasn't a cold choice, it was a choice out of pure desperation. So yes I agree it should be in therapy but I can't turn back that clock. I did actually try because we can do that, go back to physical place that is like a marker and it will undo anything in the main memory and we can start from that point, like a partial reset. But because the marker we had for that particular reset was not a place we knew well, had only been to once and was driven there by an outside person we were relying on them to drive us there but because they couldn't remember the exact spot or even which county we were in at the time the reset didn't happen. Which I am pleased about because really even though it was a dangerous way to bring trauma forward, we went to hospital and it was very emotionally distressing as we sifted through fragments after hospital alone I'd rather know something than nothing. And I've survived and I'm living with it. It has given me better understanding. Like for example I used to think that when I was awake but couldn't move it was because I was "half awake, half asleep" but now I know it's somebody being stuck in "freeze" (out of fight, flight or freeze) and they have control of the body at that time not me. Which now makes sense as to why I don't seem to have a natural freeze response - I have fight or flight but mostly I think really fast and then take some sort of action. So it makes sense that the reason for that is because one part has freeze or possibly just is freeze and it only seems to happen if I feel safe or a specific guided meditation that my mother used to do is heard - we went to a mental health relaxation group and they used the guided meditation that my mother used to and I froze and it was terrible and it took so much strength to move my body that my whole body was in agony so I didn't go to that meditation again. The people there just thought I was still "relaxing" because I was just laying there. But in my head I was thinking how embarrassing, I must look like a freak and was struggling to move. I'd been frozen since about a minute after she started talking. I wanted to get up and leave but couldn't. I remembered how sometimes when my mother would recite that meditation I'd change it in my brain so I tried that but that didn't help but that's where the waterfall in the central castle come from. The waterfall in the forest in the meditation speak goes to the waterfall in the internal world castle and nobody usually gets into that castle only the internal me that wears all white and the three servants that look after her - Obsidian she called herself when she was thrown out here I think. So that's how I escaped the meditation as a child - went through the waterfall and the body froze. And then thats where fragment memories come in I guess or mouse - Mandy said could be mouse but mouse doesn't freeze. I don't know if the fragments are off shoots of alters or if they're seperate and just fragments.

I am aiming at therapy but it is taking time.

I hope this isn't too creepy. Our mother had an alter who sang. We know this because our littles, mostly Little John, shared their names for the different people and one of them was Singing Mommy. Several of us recall the mother signing throughout our life and she always seemed happy. Littles knew she was the safest alter because unlike the others she wouldn't switch directly into a scary or dangerous alter. We knew we were completely safe as long as she was singing and then for a while after she stopped.

Johnny-Jack wrote:I hope this isn't too creepy. Our mother had an alter who sang. We know this because our littles, mostly Little John, shared their names for the different people and one of them was Singing Mommy. Several of us recall the mother signing throughout our life and she always seemed happy. Littles knew she was the safest alter because unlike the others she wouldn't switch directly into a scary or dangerous alter. We knew we were completely safe as long as she was singing and then for a while after she stopped.

That makes sense. Thinking about it the singing is calming so it'd be difficult to sing and then switch to a defender etc.

Do you think you have DID as a learned thing? Or a response to your mother? I wondered for a while if my mother had DID and that I had emotionally absorbed her trauma and developed my own DID as a reaction. I think it's possible.

But when I look at my children, my eldest I feel could have DID but the teenagers definitely not. I know he had childhood abuse from my extended family, stayed with my mother every other weekend and also as a new parent I didn't know what I was doing and used to take him to my father to discipline him. The others had none of that so I wonder if it's more that then learned. He told me his abuse at age 4 and I reported it, stopped contact with my extended family and minimised contact with my parents, learnt to parenting skills myself. But he only disclosed one incident and he did spend alot of time with them so I think there was probably more but I don't discuss it with him. I want him to have therapy but he won't go till I go. I have considered is it in reaction to me but the others aren't like it which makes me think probably not.

Do you think for you it's a reaction to your mother either to compliment her alters or reflect them? Or as a defence mechanism? Or as seeing this as "normal" to have more than one personality so you didn't integrate?