Dissociated knowledge / lost skills?

Hey, so thinking right now about when like actual knowledge and skills and stuff like that are disconnected or whatever?

Like, there's a kinda example we've read about where like an alter might be a 'doctor' or whatever in the inner world, but if the body never went to med school then the alter isn't really a doctor when fronting right? The actual knowledge can't come outta nowhere.

What about when that happens in reverse? Like say the body did go to med school and became a doctor, but then the alter with that knowledge wasn't available and someone else is fronting, so now they're not a doctor?

What if the alter who went to med-school & became a doctor, disappeared completely and was gone from the system? Then body wouldn't be able to do doctoring any more.

I'm thinking about this cos I'm feeling like, extra stupid today cos this sort of thing has been going on for us for like 2 years now and sometimes it feels bad?

Like, I'm trying to work and had to do some data-entry, billing. Had to do like 6 simple invoices. And I kept making mistakes and screwing it up, had to quit & start over like at least 10 times. Just to get 6 stupid little invoices done. Stuff I couldn't remember how to do, or had to stop and look stuff up, lots of stupid little mistakes and didn't know how to fix so had to scrap it all & start over.

Thing is, we're *supposed* to know this stuff inside out? Cos previous host like single-handedly designed & created the billing system, and wrote the users manual for it. So like, ok its not medschool, but like, she was a computer whiz and a genius and I'm like, fumbling around at like highschool dropout levels of functioning. And I feel wierd and bad about it.

I know we've said before too, like since previous host went away, we don't know any more how to do programming and stuff. we fake our way through work alot. But its like, that stuff's not coming back I think. Its nearly 2 years and its still gone, not getting any better or whatever.

I know our T would be all like, Well the knowledge is not gone, its still in there, because you all did those things, not just her. And like, ok maybe its in there somewhere, but I don't got it, and I don't know how to get it. And this stuff's been gone since previous host disappeared. Its not like we have good days & bad days. We're just like, lost when it comes to some of this stuff now.

Sorry maybe I'm just venting a bit. But like, does anyone else have experience like this? Stuff you can't do if the right alter isn't around? And if the right alter is just, gone? Then the skills are gone too?

Viola

Yes. I don't feel comfortable to go back to fixing cars at the moment so I took a shop job.

I haven't tried but I'm not going to. It doesn't appeal at present and it's too risky to try.

Yes, I totally understand what you are saying. I had a very good job but cant do it anymore because the ones who did it just arent there anymore. Sometimes they pop up for a few minutes or hours but thats it.
I have it with a lot more things though, also raising the children or doing groceries, cooking.. Its not that I cant do it now but om not doing very well, feels like im not aquiped enough, not connecties or its not "me". Dont know how else to say it.
Im still hoping some of the things will come back and get better again.

There are definitely emotions that SF can not feel unless others are around. Driving is the other thing I notice. If SF is gone, Meg is the only other one who can drive. (They’ve been teaching AJ, but that's another story...) When she had her amnesia thing, SF reverted to about 15 y/o for 3 days and Meg couldn’t get out other than to text. So, she could play violin just fine, but couldn’t drive as hadn’t learned how at that age…

I’ll also say that when I get a 4 day weekend or vacation, when I come back, I sit at my desk and think, “Okay, how does this type-y thing work again?” The fingers just seem to have forgotten… 5-10 minutes later though I’m fine…

Hey thanks Sarandipity, Allcoulors, SOHank.

Sarandipity & Allcoulors, sorry you both had to give up jobs cos of this stuff.

That's been one of our big fears but we've been able to fake through it so far I guess. But its not... like we all kinda hate our work? Like its not rewarding, its not fun, its not *us*. But we've been lucky tho cos we've been able to keep faking it and stuff.

We're afraid tho to look into other things. Like, fear of the unknown is bigger than hating what we do now I guess. We also know sooner or later its gonna fall apart. We're gonna make some mistake that blows it all apart, or slip up and customers find out about our DID and just start leaving.

Allcoulors, I didn't even think of other stuff like you mentioned. But now I see it. Like, stuff like cooking? Some of us are good at it and enjoy it, and some of us (like me...) rather just warm up some frozen instant food. And thats been our whole life too, previous host noticed it and wrote on her blog about it. Like she'd just forget how to cook and forget she ever knew, and then remember again and didn't understand how she'd ever forgot it. DID is ######6 wierd.

I thought more about how to talk to our T about this too, cos like I said she'd be all like, well all of you do know how to do that cos all of you did it. But no we ######6 didn't. We might have been in the same brain when previous host was doing this stuff, but we weren't doing it. We were asleep or whatever.

Like, if you drive your kid to school every day they're there with you while you're driving but that doesn't mean they know how to drive right? Maybe they know how to turn the car on and what pedals to push, but they can't drive. That's how I feel with the work stuff. Like a little kid who's seen mom drive, so I 'know' how to make the car go.

Viola

Amythyst wrote:Hey thanks Sarandipity, Allcoulors, SOHank.

Sarandipity & Allcoulors, sorry you both had to give up jobs cos of this stuff.

That's been one of our big fears but we've been able to fake through it so far I guess. But its not... like we all kinda hate our work? Like its not rewarding, its not fun, its not *us*. But we've been lucky tho cos we've been able to keep faking it and stuff.

We're afraid tho to look into other things. Like, fear of the unknown is bigger than hating what we do now I guess. We also know sooner or later its gonna fall apart. We're gonna make some mistake that blows it all apart, or slip up and customers find out about our DID and just start leaving.

Allcoulors, I didn't even think of other stuff like you mentioned. But now I see it. Like, stuff like cooking? Some of us are good at it and enjoy it, and some of us (like me...) rather just warm up some frozen instant food. And thats been our whole life too, previous host noticed it and wrote on her blog about it. Like she'd just forget how to cook and forget she ever knew, and then remember again and didn't understand how she'd ever forgot it. DID is ######6 wierd.

I thought more about how to talk to our T about this too, cos like I said she'd be all like, well all of you do know how to do that cos all of you did it. But no we ######6 didn't. We might have been in the same brain when previous host was doing this stuff, but we weren't doing it. We were asleep or whatever.

Like, if you drive your kid to school every day they're there with you while you're driving but that doesn't mean they know how to drive right? Maybe they know how to turn the car on and what pedals to push, but they can't drive. That's how I feel with the work stuff. Like a little kid who's seen mom drive, so I 'know' how to make the car go.

Viola

Yes, have the same thing here. Some of us have no problem cooking properly and doing chores but others do. I feel like "me" at the moment, that's the only way I can describe it but I don't do the washing or clean out the fish. Someone else does that. Paul is my guess and No-one. Most stuff is variable. From capability to wanting to do it to actually doing it. Didn't drive for a couple of months because of this.

Some stuff seems to be like body reflex stuff. Driving can be like that but I don't think Mandy or Karen would be able to drive. Karen maybe if she isn't regresses but she's mostly regressed lately.

It's easy to think "it's all in the same brain" but it doesn't work like that. If something comes up that a part can't do sometimes another part will come through but sometimes not, mostly not for me at the moment so I except the limitations. If I get too stressed I have completely non-functioning parts and then I'm useless so it's best to not force the limitations.

It's difficult.

We have the same problem, with work skills and home skills.

One thing we try to keep in mind is that the skills exist somewhere in the brain, and if we keep trying to practice them, we might be able to regain access by building towards them. At some point we are hoping that "muscle memory" kicks in, so to speak. That if we keep sitting down to try to do the thing, and not just trying to go through the motions but also re-studying subjects, that it might come back that way.

The areas we've purposefully studied or tried actively more have seen more success. Lack of interest or having too many trauma barriers around a given area are what give us the most trouble. These are likely both obvious statements, but they're worth acknowledging.

Amythyst wrote:We're afraid tho to look into other things. Like, fear of the unknown is bigger than hating what we do now I guess. We also know sooner or later its gonna fall apart. We're gonna make some mistake that blows it all apart, or slip up and customers find out about our DID and just start leaving.

Viola

The way I've always coped with the fear of jumping into something new is to keep hanging on to the past thing while I start the new thing. So since your current work doesn't take up your whole life, 24/7, you could venture into something else, at least a little bit while you still have your business going. Whether it's taking a class in something you want to learn how to do, that could turn into a job, or actually trying working part time at something you're even a little bit interested in, that might give you more confidence to start to move away from your current life.

People who grow up with secure attachments find it much easier to make big changes because they have internal or external anchors--people who love and support them (or the internalization of that). I think that makes it easier to make changes in their outside life, because there's internal security and consistency.

Hey thanks Crows, Gang.

With the work / programming stuff, there's just enough left that we've been able to muddle through stuff. Like a month or 2 back a customer needed something fixed and we managed to do it, but it was like, I dunno a 2 hour process for what was probably like a 10 minute thing?

And the most embarassing part was we needed the customer to like, walk us through it just to get to where the problem was cos we couldn't remember how anything worked and where to find the thing they described.

We're sure tho that the reason those skills are 'gone' is cos our family basically like exploited us, took advantage of us, for that stuff. Like as soon as our dad realized we had computer talent he put us to work, while paying us a fraction what we'd have made anywhere else. (Didn't find that out tho till like, years later. )

We like the idea of trying something part-time, or even taking classes or something. We don't really have anything we're interested in tho lol. Well, V2 really wants to learn how to do body piercing, and there's a place near us that teaches a course, but it's expensive. And its really only her that would wanna do it.

So we gotta really think on that, figure out if there's anything that a few of us are interested in or whatever, so it's not all on just one of us.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:People who grow up with secure attachments find it much easier to make big changes because they have internal or external anchors--people who love and support them (or the internalization of that). I think that makes it easier to make changes in their outside life, because there's internal security and consistency.

Gang this really hit hard for us. Like, I can't remember a single thing we've done, or even just talked about wanting to do, where our mum showed us anything other than pessimism, dissapointment, or like low-key hostility.

So yeah, we've never really had that external stuff, so I guess we've never learned to internalize it or whatever.

Viola

Situation normal. There was a long period when I could not manage to do some complex tasks I had often done. Now I'm pretty much back to normal.