Outer controlling inner 'alter' **TRIGGER WARNING**

I am a single personality.
My SO is a system (5 adults, 4 littles). We've been together for five and a half months. I talk to them a lot online, messaging in a roleplay style. This is set in their inner world.
I am in there. I have no clue how I am, but I am. I don't mean that there is an introject of me. I control a 'person' in there. When I am online, she is in the house. When I leave, she freezes, like an avatar when the video game freezes. She can leave the inner if I say so. She doesn't operate independent of me in any way. Any changes I make to the inner world stay there. If I say, "I cook a chicken," then they have chicken for dinner. To them, it is almost as if I was an alter.
...?
How does this work? Does anyone know anything about this?

My initial gut reaction is wtf.

But to go along with what you're saying. The DID person is forming you as an introject. You so far freeze for them internally when not directing the introject. After a certain period of time when the DID person knows your patterns, how you respond to thing, the way you speak they will then be able to "have you" internally as part of them. This introject you're helping them to create will move and speak and do things without you being involved because enough pattern will have been created in their mind to know your reactions to various things.

Introjects can be good or bad.


It's a dangerous thing to deliberately do imo. And what is the purpose of this?

There is a witches saying I like "the cat that leaps is not the cat that lands" and it applies to this. How this effects the overall personage of the DID person is unpredictable. If your introject takes on a life of its own and effectively becomes an alter then this DID person will be overall effected by your input.

Which creates a whole other piece of mess that'd need to be addressed if or when the DID person wants to "heal" or come to some resolve with their DID.

What is the purpose of this activity?

Parafoxical wrote:I am a single personality.
My SO is a system (5 adults, 4 littles). We've been together for five and a half months. I talk to them a lot online, messaging in a roleplay style. This is set in their inner world.
I am in there. I have no clue how I am, but I am. I don't mean that there is an introject of me. I control a 'person' in there. When I am online, she is in the house. When I leave, she freezes, like an avatar when the video game freezes. She can leave the inner if I say so. She doesn't operate independent of me in any way. Any changes I make to the inner world stay there. If I say, "I cook a chicken," then they have chicken for dinner. To them, it is almost as if I was an alter.
...?
How does this work? Does anyone know anything about this?

I, too, have to wonder about this. You DO realize alters are core essential parts of the whole person your SO is, right?

"Adding" yourself, a part of your SO that is actually YOU and YOUR CONTROL is putting yourself basically inside the SO's mind with control of that part... that, imho, is dangerous and deeply troubling. You wouldn't want another person inside YOUR brain, controlling you and part of your mind, would you?! Why would ever want to do that in another person, especially one you love and care for?!

And, as stated by Sarandipity, what happens when this introject is "complete" (in a sense) and gains its own awareness and acts on its own? What if it decides to NOT obey your control?! Worse, if it is much like you, what if it resents that control, or that it was "created" for that purpose/reason or with that history even?!

There seems a lot of risk and frankly a bit of violation of trust and respect for your SO and their own mind and the sanctity of being safe within it just to themselves. I'd be very very cautious about being involved in this sort of thing- EVEN IF it was the SO's idea... I just don't see this as a good thing at all.

-- Sat Oct 26, 2019 10:28 am --

Parafoxical wrote:I am a single personality.
My SO is a system (5 adults, 4 littles). We've been together for five and a half months. I talk to them a lot online, messaging in a roleplay style. This is set in their inner world.
I am in there. I have no clue how I am, but I am. I don't mean that there is an introject of me. I control a 'person' in there. When I am online, she is in the house. When I leave, she freezes, like an avatar when the video game freezes. She can leave the inner if I say so. She doesn't operate independent of me in any way. Any changes I make to the inner world stay there. If I say, "I cook a chicken," then they have chicken for dinner. To them, it is almost as if I was an alter.
...?
How does this work? Does anyone know anything about this?

I usually don't come out so quick like this to post IMMEDIATELY behind Zor... but this kinda freaked me out and I like need to ask something(s)...

So like my BIG question is about this:
When I am online, she is in the house. When I leave, she freezes, like an avatar when the video game freezes. She can leave the inner if I say so. She doesn't operate independent of me in any way.

So like if this part is out, and you're around... you basically control your SO?! You tell that part what to do, how to act, what to say?! How is that good for your relationship?!


I talk to them a lot online, messaging in a roleplay style. This is set in their inner world.

This is how we let Zor "meet" us. We had our own online presence and met him and let him start seeing our inner world, little by little (not quite realizing it was formed from our OUTSIDE life experiences or fully understanding US - most of us had no idea we were any diff than any "singleton" outside actually- had no idea the inner world was "inner"... but I digress)...
So the idea of talking to them, as their own person, via the internet while they're "inside" (the internet is the same inside and out, right?) is ok... that's good, IMHO... it's GOOD to have contact and relationship with all of your SO... It is something I wish Zor's wife would be open and willing to doing with US...

BUT you being put in there, in that introject sorta way (and IDK like what else it COULD be called, honestly)... that's some scary stuff, like Zor said.

{\Pixie/}

I echo what has been said, why? Why are you doing this? This is something that was hidden from Purple Haze for a long time. I am going to tell this story, because it is triggering for her. This happened before she got her first dx, but her ex had noticed differences. One of her exes did this. Without her knowledge, this alien part was controlled by her ex and influenced her, when the ex was not around. Over a very short space of time, this alien part, started to become an alter in their own right. They started to ignore what her ex was saying, started to do their own thing. They even asked her to give him permission to remove a part of her. We sent a lot of warning bells to her and she refused. It was his intent, we believe to make this alien part permanent. We managed to get rid of the alien part before they took hold. But it was a lot of work. Shortly after we did this, Purple Haze and this man broke up. As this has already been said, this is really dangerous.

- Autumn J

yea me too this post is scary, strange and how this happen. think Im going to talk to my psychiatrist about this, it dont sound like DID to me.

Parafoxical wrote:I talk to them a lot online, messaging in a roleplay style. This is set in their inner world.
I am in there. I have no clue how I am, but I am. I don't mean that there is an introject of me. I control a 'person' in there. When I am online, she is in the house. When I leave, she freezes, like an avatar when the video game freezes. She can leave the inner if I say so. She doesn't operate independent of me in any way. Any changes I make to the inner world stay there. If I say, "I cook a chicken," then they have chicken for dinner. To them, it is almost as if I was an alter.
...?
How does this work? Does anyone know anything about this?

This sounds like an elaborate game to me, and I don't know who is pretending what. I don't know what you mean by "she's in the house." Do you mean a house in the inner world? Your SO tells you that "you" are in his inner world and when you resume the game you're in the same place you were when you signed off? How does your avatar "leave the inner" world?? Where is she if she leaves? Nowhere??

Is this all happening in this so-called inner world, so that when you "cook a chicken," this is a pretend thing, and your SO says that her alters and littles are sitting down to have chicken in the inner world? Or you say "I cook a chicken" and your SO actually cooks a chicken for dinner in the real world? (Or tells you that, I mean, since you have no way of knowing what's real and what isn't.)

There is nothing about this that sounds like DID to me at all. It just sounds like a game you're both playing.

In real DID, a person in the outside world, with their own body and brain, cannot actually come into another person's inner world, which is based in their body and brain.

Maybe you can clarify, because what you've described sounds bizarre and unhealthy for both of you, as well as scary and triggering for people on here who are reading about it.

How about asking if something is safe before doing it?

Your place is never inside anyone's mind, that is mind control. You place is never even between two parts in here, outside, either. They operate as a system, they make system decisions without you, and you are just a person who hears what they together have decided. You never talk any part of the system things about another part, that could damage their relationship, you never use the fact someone from the system may say yes to something you suggest when another one would say no, but wait until they together make their mind about it. You should help them, do all you can to help them work together, as a one unit, co-operatively within themself. Never enter anything or make yourself part of them.

Stop your game, it's not your place to be inside there, it's not healthy, you have no business inside their inner world which is their subconscious mind, I don't know where you got such a stupid idea to do that, but there's a reason why inner things are inside. They are not meant to be reached from outside like that, they are deep in to be safe in there.

They together are a system, you talk with them when they come in here to talk with you. That's it. No mind games for fun, no entering someone subconscious mind. Don't you have any understanding how dangerous that is? They are not your videogame, they are a person. Now they are more fractured because of you, and have a system member no-one knows anything about, because she wasn't created normally, but as a reaction to you entering their mind the way no one should. That part is still part of them, it's part of their mind, that you can control. But parts are not made out of air, she's made of their mind. Nobody in this world can predict to you what will happen to her or because of her, will she stay the way she is or will she get conscious mind of her own.

Why in the ###$ did you think it's your business what they have for dinner inside? That is THEIRS, it's sacred, everything in there represents something. Why did you start that? Just to find out how much power you have over someone's mind? So, now you know you can alter their subconscious, change symbols to something they weren't originally. Are you happy now, or gonna try something bit further? Like how to get your part from inside to front, and how can you control their mind then, when she's in control of the body?

Did it even come to your mind not start playing with someone's mental health and safety without any clue what it means?

I have no clue what it means, or how to repair what you did. She's part of their mind now, and parts can't be canceled, they can't die, you should never treat them bad ways like lock them somewhere or bury them. You altered their mind now, I hope you're happy with what you did, and really hope you understand for them it's there forever. Little reminder of why not trust to people.

Personally we hope you leave that system, and every system you ever meet, be. Go away from their life, you are a danger to people around you. They either didn't have proper defenders/protectors, or you made your way thru them some weird way, because they trusted you. We've seen systems in here before, who are clearly controlled from outside, and they thought and probably still believe it's fine if the one doing that doesn't do anything mean to them. But NO, it is never normal, healthy or safe. This is the first time when someone just casually decided to started play their partner like they're a game you can participate.

I don't think this woman has done it on purpose or with malice. It didn't read like that to me. It read like her partner has encouraged it for some reason.

That doesn't make it healthy.

My own mind and alters have done this to themselves. They created a kind of construct of the bf for Mandy. But Mandy found it very confusing so the construct was dissolved at her insistence. It was done with best intent but not experienced well by Mandy. It wasn't done in a way of the bf having any input into it, that would of been worse and not so easily disolved potentially. The point of that was to try to put Mandy in a secure controllable environment with a bf (she wanted a bf) but it was too confusing for her. Her inner world, like Floralie is saying, was symbolic and sacred. She lived as a child in the inner world, completely childlike in our childhood home having a happy childhood. Outside she sort of played at being a grown up to learn at times where it was possible. Putting a piece of the outside world inside wasn't helpful at all and caused alot of confusion. That was our own doing but even in that scenario it was a bad idea.

But again I don't think this lady has malicious intent, but it's why I asked why, what's the purpose of it... Maybe her partner has reasons.

Sarandipity wrote:I don't think this woman has done it on purpose or with malice. It didn't read like that to me. It read like her partner has encouraged it for some reason.

That doesn't make it healthy.

I didn't think it was necessarily malicious intent, and didn't mean for it to be taken that specifically or only. Hope it wasn't.

I was just alarmed at how dangerous it was- especially since it seemed somewhat intentional or willingly taking part in it.

And if not malicious, that's a HUGE step in a less dangerous direction... but this just seems very "iffy" kind of thing to be involved in. It creates, even if not dangerous, a very dependent position within the system on an external person by empowering them to such a massive degree.

Sounds like something, honestly, that a professional should be advising on and sorting out - if that's possible.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:
This sounds like an elaborate game to me, and I don't know who is pretending what. I don't know what you mean by "she's in the house." Do you mean a house in the inner world? Your SO tells you that "you" are in his inner world and when you resume the game you're in the same place you were when you signed off? How does your avatar "leave the inner" world?? Where is she if she leaves? Nowhere??

Is this all happening in this so-called inner world, so that when you "cook a chicken," this is a pretend thing, and your SO says that her alters and littles are sitting down to have chicken in the inner world? Or you say "I cook a chicken" and your SO actually cooks a chicken for dinner in the real world? (Or tells you that, I mean, since you have no way of knowing what's real and what isn't.)

There is nothing about this that sounds like DID to me at all. It just sounds like a game you're both playing.

In real DID, a person in the outside world, with their own body and brain, cannot actually come into another person's inner world, which is based in their body and brain.

Maybe you can clarify, because what you've described sounds bizarre and unhealthy for both of you, as well as scary and triggering for people on here who are reading about it.

I don't think it's that simple, just a game to the one with DID. One of our tweens had a good friend once, online friend, alter girl same age he is. They shared same type of trauma and knowing there's an another one like him helped him a lot. The girl gave him a gift. Just wrote it to a message to him, I give you thing X. All parts living in the inner world have a way to change it. If there's main front who doesn't enter inner world, they may still have ability to change the inner world. It's not real, it's subconscious, things that aren't possible in here, are possible in there. You don't have to build a house to have a house inside, you can just make one exist. The gift our tween had, has been in our inner world since he got it. Or actually Jules' inner world, but what ever, he has it, just because someone said she gives it to him.

You know how it works. If you can see to your inner world, you an find children in there in awful condition, and help them by making the world around them safe. Giving them blankets and toys and a warm bath inside, if you know how to do it. It's not that different from controlling dreams.

T can help you and suggest how to alter your inner world to make it better, there are people in here on the forum asking how could they help things to a better in their inner worlds. But it's not totally controlled, because it's symbolic and it is subconscious, and things that happen there have a meaning.

You can say there's a cooked dinner on the table for littles inside, and if they believe that, they can have it inside, just like our tween has his gift. I don't think there's anything bad with offering a gift, and then part himself kind of makes it real for himself. But there certainly are boundaries not to cross, because inner worlds are not meant to be controlled from outside like that.

Brains wanna make sense. If there's dinners appearing and everyone knows who made it, I think it's very logical from them to make something inside that explains where that stuff is coming from, if it's not coming from themselves and it happens a lot. Hopefully it's not any kind of part, but more like a robot. But it still doesn't have any business being in there,or changing things inside someone else to the point they need to alter their subconscious to able to take the controlling from outside.

I don't think it's pretend thing. What it actually is, I have no clue, but I do know you can give gift to a part and they take it with them inside.

When Leon got his first gift, lion plushie, he was so happy about having something that's only his, he copied it inside too. Inner version of it wasn't exactly like outside one, it was way bigger and it has different kind of legs, softer ones with less filling in them. I think that's how he likes it better, and that's why it's different inside. But he copied it, because I gave him the toy. If it would've been from someone else, he 'd have done the same, and in those kind of things there's not harm in it, because it was him who decided he has it in too, it was important to him then. But that's how inner world lives naturally.

Someone from outside pushing too much stuff into someone else's mind, or pretending they are in there, and others picture her in there with them.. no. That's something you just don't do.

They pictured her inside, and she can move and do stuff in there when she tells what she does, her image moves like she says it does, because they believe in it. That's enough, to believe in something and it can alter subconscious, because it is free from outside rules. You can change anything else in there . if you know how - but the parts with their own will. When she doesn't tell what she does the image just is there, like an empty avatar.

The purpose of all treatment is to make outside life, real life safe and good and happy one. Why do people instead of creating safety in here where they should be, try to start living in subconscious reality of one person's mind and change it just for fun, I have no clue or understanding over. It can not lead into anything good.

The other person of course can not access someone else's mind and see what's in there and feel herself being in there, the experience is theirs whose inner world that happens in. Healthy people don't even have inner worlds. So from her part, that must be just a pretend game she decided to play inside his mind.

It's not that hard to know what's fine and what's not. Just ask yourself is this something therapists do? Try to enter someone else's system any way, in or out? NEVER. "Self" is way more complex thing to a person with DID, and outside should support them in understanding how united self works as a one, not tear it more apart.

Hopefully they can just decide the avatar doesn't exist in there anymore, and it didn't do any damage. If that doesn't work, what to do is certainly out of the knowledge of people in here. That's something for DID specialist to deal with.