We feel like quitting.

"How does that help the system?"

This is something our T asks, a lot. Like when we're describing some problem or symptom or behavior or whatever. Whether we're talking about another alter, or we don't know who's doing it, or whatever.

Sooner or later she'll ask how whatever it is, helps the system?

And like, a lot of times we'll know, or we'll have a good guess. And a lot of times, it'll be past behavior or whatever? Like, its not helping the system right now but we can see how that started because in the past it did help.

I realize it's one of the things that bothers us though. Because it makes us feel like we suddenly have to think up justifications for everything. It reminds us of our father, he was always asking us to justify things. Hobbies or interests or fun. Tell him the latest thing we're into and he'd ask "Ok but how can you use that to earn money?"

Anyways.

Thing with this new headmate... it's like what she's doing isn't hurting the system. Not intentionaly. But it's not helping either. If she's going to lock herself away in her own private world, literally my 1st concern is that she's happy and if so, then yay she's found a happy life.

But does that help the rest of us? I guess as long as it doesn't hurt too bad, I don't care. Does it matter? Is it ok if one alter seals themself away? Maybe she'll be back, maybe not.

In the shortterm its hurting the rest of us, but its not intentional. She's not doing this out of malice, I'm sure. So I think we can suck it up and deal till things settle down, and again, if she's happy, then great.

But I don't want ot have to justify this to the T. Like, does everything have to benefit the system? Can't alters do anything just for themselves? Obviously it'd be different if she was actively intentionally hurting us or putting us at risk of other stuff, but that's not what's happening here.

Sorry I'm really uptight about a lot of stuff and this T stuff is still eating at me and my head's all over the place bouncing one thing to the next.

V1

I can how that's unhelpful, feeling you need to justify everything to the T so that it has to in some way "suit the system"

Can an alter do something just because, for no reason? - I like to think so.

You need to tell your T about it, don't you? They probably don't know it is a triggering thing to you because of the past, and it can even be triggering to other clients as well if it's repeated too much. We pay for them to gain something as a plural being, but that doesn't mean every move we make needs to be there just to gain something organized way. People aren't machines, surely you have a right to do stuff because you just happen to do it. I don't even see reasons why everything that has a reason in the past should be changed if it's not useful anymore, unless it's harmful. Normal healthy people have their history behind the normal things they do, and no one tells them to change that just if it's coming from something they learned as kids to be a good thing. Do you think it's not good enough answer for your T to say you do it because it makes someone happy? Oh well, yes you do, because otherwise it wouldn't be a problem.. but like really, do you think it's meant in the same manner than your dad meant it?

Not all goals are cold and calculated, it's a goal to feel relaxed and without pressure too. Maybe it can help if she changes the way she talks, so it doesn't feel so calculated and demanding.

There are lot of things that were "created" for good purposes, like intentional positive thinking. But there's always people who start accomplishing being happy, instead of understanding what it was supposed to be about. Or doing relaxation as a daily task they need to do before they can relax. If you feel you are in a paradox like that with healing the system, say it out and loud.

Parts are much more than just labor for the system.

Thanks Sarandipity, thanks Floralie.

Yeah we gotta talk to T about this stuff. We're trying to make a list of things she does that bother/upset us.

V1 is kinda all over the place and she couldn't stop freaking out so she came inside and woke me up and sent me out front. So instead of her having an anxiety attack or meltdown or something, now its me yawning nonstop & dizzy af.

Anyways I think V1 was asking about that stuff cos like, if its not causing us harm and whatever, why not just leave Kate in her own private world? Like, if she's happy, and not hurting anyone, why not just leave her there? She's not locked in or anything, she can come out if she wants.

And that's where the question was like, well how do we explain that to the T who's going to be all about it doesn't help the system or something. I think. Maybe, I dunno.

Viola

Just stopped by to say HEY! I'm bored, we're watching videos I'm not into.

I dont get why cant we just live inside and be happy if we're all good. Any T is gonna force me, I'm .. I'm gonna, gonna .. I'm going to .. be unhappy.

Man, I'm sucha gangsta.

LUCAS

My opinion is if it's going ok then leave well alone. Appreciate the stability where you can get it.

Before they met the bf and this rollercoaster started I get the impression they were relatively stable other than the occasional day where Beth stayed indoors in her PJ's (because she doesn't go outside anyway) and was depressed. One depressed day every couple of weeks does not a crisis make. But this bf set of destabilising the system, they got flooded with trauma memory and I'm here now.

Paul is saying take the system as my own and sort of integrate them but I'm not big on that idea, sounds messy and unpredictable plus I kind of think f em.

So if somebody, don't have a specialist therapist yet, said to me "how is this beneficial to the system" (I imagine that in a condecending tone) I'd have to say "it isn't. But it's beneficial to me and to the body and to life stability" so sometimes the system isn't the most important thing. Sometimes the system is the last priority but then maybe I'm selfish, I apparently have the mind of a 15 year old but I would like to dispute that if the psychiatrist who said it wasn't retired and probably dead.

So sometimes things aren't beneficial to the system but they are beneficial in other ways.

No-one

Amythyst wrote:
And that's where the question was like, well how do we explain that to the T
Viola

The only reason to explain something to your T is for her to get to know and understand you all better. That should be her priority. So you need to let her know that you feel like she only cares about stuff if she understands how it "helps the system," and that approach is not helpful to you. That you don't want to feel like you have to justify how your system works to her.

It's not her job to get you to understand your system--it's the process of her understanding and accepting it that will be helpful to you guys.

Hey thanks Lucas & No-one & Gang.

This is what we think. That if she's happy in there & not hurting anything, then why not just let her say. IIRC the thing with T last week is she had this hang-up about it 'not being real'. Like if T can't see and touch it, its not real? But its still real to Kate. Even if its less real to me, its still real to Kate.

V1 had the same argument with our best friend. I think its like, singletons just can't get their head around it? Like to them I guess its just daydreams and stuff, cos they've never actually experienced an inner world?

Gang you have alot of insight into like how stuff with Ts should go. Its really good. We have trouble talking with Ts about this sort of stuff tho, but we're gonna try somehow.

I feel like i've already said some of this stuff. Sorry if I'm like repeating things. It feels sometimes like we keep going in circles. I'm tired, been fronting way too much for a few days or whaveer & its hard to remember stuff sometimes.

Since the other day when Kate fronted and stuff, it feels like our consious connection to her is weaker. Its harder to get a feel for her. But subconsious seems strong still. We dreampt last night that we were her again. Just like, a typical kinda dream, except we were her. It was nice tbh. Like the dream itself sucked, they almost always do, but it was nice being her.

Viola