Feral

***TRIGGER WARNING*** psychological

Went off on a stranger today. Stupid. Crazy. This hate has a signature I recognize. This is New System trauma, which is quarantine. Makes my head hurt. Feels like screaming and writhing, demonic, feral child. Bound.

The rage is bad and punished. The rage is bound. The rage is bound and tormented and it grows and grows. Feral child, demonic. The mouth says "help me" and I recognize.

I'm scared of them, that's the one I'm scared of, the ones who say "help me" and that's why I've not tried to help.

They will not be comforted and comfort makes them mad. They want everything die. They die, but they undead and they lash out.

Nothing really bad ever happen to me but the bully man attack me inside my brain and make it hurt.

Some of us haven't wanted comfort either. It's smothering, it's a lie. Reasons like that.

We have thanked some of our alters for what they did for us, for being there. We've been able to say things like "I wish that had never happened to you, it wasn't fair" or even "I'm really mad that happened" because it's how we feel and it's okay to say how we feel.

But none of us really like anything that sounds like heavy sympathy or, god forbid, pity. "I'm so, so, so sorry that happened to you!" Aaaagh, no. To us, it feels patronizing though logically we know it's not always. Over time, we've gotten a little better at hearing people express how they're affected by things that happened to us.

Rage is valid, it's real. Maybe you can hold out a hand inside, just that, a simple act. Our little feral alter didn't understand words anyway.

Thank you Johnny-Jack. I don't have anything to add now.