Just wanted to say

I just wanted to say I am sorry if my posts seem insenstive to DID. When I say I am tired of this disorder. I am just having a hard time accepting this is what I have. I have always been a 100 proof kind of person. Then I went to school and got a Criminal Justice degree that just made my need to look for concrete proof all the more. Part of me says me knows this has to be the only disorder where actual names are mentioned in chatter. Then part of me doesnt accept even that as proof. So I dont know how to move forward. Sorry if I offended anyone.

Dnester wrote:I just wanted to say I am sorry if my posts seem insenstive to DID. When I say I am tired of this disorder. I am just having a hard time accepting this is what I have. I have always been a 100 proof kind of person. Then I went to school and got a Criminal Justice degree that just made my need to look for concrete proof all the more. Part of me says me knows this has to be the only disorder where actual names are mentioned in chatter. Then part of me doesnt accept even that as proof. So I dont know how to move forward. Sorry if I offended anyone.

Means, motive, opportunity.

There has to be those three things to make a criminal case? The brain is an incredible organ, pretty much like a computer so it has the means to create alters. Motive, you've had a trauma or moved countries where you can't speak the language and don't know anyone, you've grown up emotionally and/or physically neglected then you have a motive. And opportunity, well in this scenario with the means and the motive you make the opportunity.

So you have good reason to take your DID case to court. What evidence do you have? 1. Chatter in the mind 2. You have named alters. 3. You tuck them into bed at night?
(unless that was someone else and I'm remembering wrong, sorry if that's someone else) 4. You feel heavy eyes but not tired? 5. You feel detached from the world occasionally? Etc etc What evidence have you got?

In a court you could argue it's hearsay, it's circumstantial evidence but we're not in a court so you can accept your own hearsay and circumstantial evidence because otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy.

Thank you. Some of those things you mentioned arent me though.

Dnester wrote:Thank you. Some of those things you mentioned arent me though.

Apologies. What is your evidence so far?

Well like I said I am concrete evidence kind of person. My old Psychologist told me the chatter is alters and when the chatter starts at night because that is usually when it happens to read them a bedtime story. So I have made it a habit of reading a bedtime story everynight. Then on my own I was like well i will tuck them in too. So the chatter was really my only evidence but it doesnt dound like different people just me thinking. One time it was kind of like a debate going on in my head but I dont count once as evidence. Its just random phrases, nonsense really. Names mentioned like its time to go to bed Timmy, or its alright Clarissa or shhh Pippa. All names of no one I know. The only thing is my mind gets to thinking that could be some other disorder and it was the only thing I felt was concrete proof. As far as my alters themselves like Tessa and Luna I kind of went in and asked what there names were afyer my T suggested I had low spectrum DID. A lot of names flooded in but Tessa and Luna stuck. So I feel I just made them up. I knew about Thorne first. I noticed her in my twenties or early thirties. She thinks really bad things are funny. I think she might just be part of BPD or something else though. I named her Thorne because it represents Thorne in my side. Little Shroomy, Pippa, Timmy, Little bird, Pumpkin and Clarissa were all mentioned in the chatter. I go in and ask ages, characteristics, etc but it just whatever comes to my mind really. It doesnt feel like its coming from them. Thats what makes me feel it is all fake. Maybe I am expecting to have DID symptoms like everyone else but in reality in have DDNOS. Most of all I dont feel like I have this disorder though. Someone else I know had my symptoms and she was found to be psychotic. I am in anti psychotic meds. It could be those. Thats when I noticed the chatter when they lowered my anti psychotics.

When it comes to psychology there is no such thing as 100% hard concrete evidence. There just isn't.

Some therapists might act like there is, but it's bunk. All they can do is observe and evaluate and make a judgement. Tests and questionaires and structured interviews always have some degree of error or leeway. It's not like they can do an x-ray or a bloodtest or an MRI. There's nothing quantifiable.

If you demand hard concrete evidence then you are always going to doubt or deny you have DID, whether you actually have it or not.

How about, you forget about evidence and just try and live your life according to what works best? If living as if you have DID (seeking treatment for it, communicating with alters, etc) helps make your life better, then do that. If it makes your life worse, then stop doing it.

Or try it the other way - live as if you don't have DID, ignore any symptoms and alters, and if life improves, then keep going. If life doesn't get better (or gets worse) then maybe try dealing with the DID-like symptoms and see if that helps?

Arin

I don't think my wife fully believed until I showed her a video of Lou being out and playing with gummy bears. That was... around 10-11 months after we found out.

Denial is so common, that it's really an indicator in itself. DID is all about keeping things hidden from the host so the body/system can function in the world.

Are you aware of your littles posting on the forum?

My littles never post on the forum. That is always me. I am always aware of everything. You have to dissociate to be DID and I dont do that I am always aware.
Yes I have talked about playing with toys etc. I like to watch Seasame Street but I have always watched it. I watched it as a child, a teen and now as an adult. I do like toys but I think some adults just do.

I agree with Arin on both counts. There's no concrete evidence with psychology. I asked the doctor to do blood tests and brain scans to prove I had to take meds "like a diabetic" because that was their weak argument "if you had diabetes you'd have to take meds" and the doctor said "we're not at that point where that's possible" so I said "if you can't prove I need meds like you can with diabetes then why should I take them like a diabetic" and he let me stop taking them. So they're guessing. Medication disagreed with me so I avoid it, if it agrees with you then keep taking it.

Also with the mindset of it I agree with Arin also. When "the twins" woke up they were what I would call delusional. Before we went to a doctor for medication to stop the delusions we tried talking to them. Every time they were delusional we explained how unhelpful it was and also grounded ourselves in the real world. They stopped having the delusions and stayed in reality. Except for when sometimes they accidently end up out front and they're "on illicit drugs" which is obviously also some kind of delusion on their part and they make the body "feel high" but they don't have actual delusions or make up stories so we allow them the occasionally feeling high for now and sometimes we let them make up stories for Mandy (who is age 4-5) under the strict rule they clearly state it's a story. That worked for me. Talking to them, telling them delusions were unhelpful, setting up rules because they need some outlet. If I hadn't done that, denied them and ignored them then I would probably have ended up in hospital labeled psychotic and be back on meds - which has happened to me in the past. So talking to my alters definitely works better for me than ignoring or taking meds but I do feel I need to properly address route cause, suppressed memory etc in therapy properly. But it could be that for you something else works better. We're all individuals and different. Some people with DID may feel better with meds, some may feel better living completely in denial. So Arin is right, try things and see what makes your overall life happier and healthier.

And most importantly I believe people know their own minds best the majority of the time. Before I knew about "the twins" I knew I needed the Anti-psychotics so I took them. Talking to the psychiatrist who pointed out schizophrenia is hearing outside voices and I hear inside voices made me know I needed to find out what was actually going on not just their label.

DID is a label like any other label. If it doesn't feel right to you then it isn't right.