Getting to know him

Hello. I asked the dangerous part of myself why he behaves like that (ready to kill himself or telling my other parts to kill me). He gave me an answer, but the fact he mentioned seems to be unrealistic. Nothing has happened to me. Should I believe what my parts say? Or they can lie or even make up stories?

i think trying to figure out whether something you're told is true or not takes away from the fact that regardless of all of that, this particular part is suffering. anyone wishing to die is suffering. whatever reason that part has, whether it's factually true or not, is making them suffer and act out in this way. in time, when things are more stable, you could try and figure out more, but for now you don't really need to believe anything, you just need to show compassion and understanding. something like "i don't know enough about what you said, and for now i want to leave that be, but i can tell you're really suffering, and i want to help you so you feel better".

for me, personally, i need that middle ground where i have the choice to decide later what i believe but i can still react in the present with compassion. if i try and immediately figure out whether something is true or not, i end up freaking myself out and often end up experiencing a lot of denial, which hurts the others a lot. equally if i feel like i have to instantly believe whatever i'm told, that freaks me out too, because it's hard not to think about the connotations.

as for whether it's an outright lie or an attempt to manipulate you, i couldn't say. i think, more often than not, parts that react violently don't expect compassion. they're suffering and lashing out in the only way they know how, and at least in my experience they just need someone to listen to them and show them compassion.

- alice

I expect that whether or not it makes sense to you, it is real to him.

I've encountered many things with DID that don't make logical sense, but keep in mind, much of this started young and is often the logic of a small child. Roll with it and provide/encourage some positive experiences if you can appropriate to his age. I try to do something nice for each insider I meet. A compliment, gift, listening, just being there, etc. It helps. Some really wanted hugs but were afraid. Many told me it was the first compliment/gift/etc. they had ever got and though it was hard to accept initially, they greatly appreciated it.

Im sure they can. I have a 13 year old boy part. He sometimes wants to SH even though alot is at stake foe the body if he does. He doesnt seem to care. So not the same exact situation but I believe they can fo whatever they want.

DID is complex. I think it's often better to not focus on these things. I think hmm it's hard to word - you asked a question and it was answered. Reality is often confusing in DID.

Can alters lie? Technically yes - that would be an intentional changing of the truth.
But if what they are saying is based on their own preconceived viewpoint of the world and events that wouldn't be classed as a lie.

I think the first step in this situation would be to try and show that you are accepting what has been said and maybe then you can take another step forward together

Good luck

J

donna1995 wrote:Hello. I asked the dangerous part of myself why he behaves like that (ready to kill himself or telling my other parts to kill me). He gave me an answer, but the fact he mentioned seems to be unrealistic. Nothing has happened to me. Should I believe what my parts say? Or they can lie or even make up stories?

As SOHank said, it's likely real to this part... BUT even if it's not literally real in the "this didn't happen to me (outside)" sense, it's not impossible, too, that this is a metaphoric or allegorical interpretation of something outside that DID happen that seems less severe to you than it was to this part.

Point in case, during a period of my childhood my mother was exceptionally interested in having me IQ tested, pushed towards special schools for "genius kids", pushing me to be an Ivy League (or similarly esteemed) college graduate, and eventually a psychiatrist. The pressure was a lot, but not overwhelming too much for me... At least not most of the time, but it did make me unhappy and feeling too pushed... BUT, Satin's internal story was a lot stricter... a mom that DEMANDED PERFECTION in everything and to be the absolute best or she was punished as worthless..

This is NOT a 1:1 comparison to outside... but internally it was handled and received a LOT WORSE than I was aware of- which makes perfect sense with dissociation. This part of us came about to handle that overwhelming pressure (as a result it didn't seem so bad to me looking back at it), and to that part, to Satin... She suffered a TON b/c of it, and did for years after unable to live up to those absurd standards- even long after Mom had given up on the ideas of "tests" and "special schools"... Satin continued to hold that pain and pressure and it caused problems with other parts inside that she had to be superior to... An internal conflict that caused ALL OF US to suffer from self-esteem issues and be more timid and reserved, never confident much at all, much less enough to be "outwardly successfully confident".

So while it may not be something that happened to you... Satin, for example, failing to do a ballet thing perfect was punished by being forced to do it all the time until she could be perfect... never reaching that goal.
Mom never forced me to study like that... Not once... She pushed hard made me do more reading or studying than my brother, but not to the cruel level Satin recalls from her inside life...
She isn't "making up stories", it's just how the mind interpreted it through a subconscious filter and through the filter of pain and suffering that the part was consumed by and struggling with. It amplified the bad and made a reason for it being so awful... it was all she knew...

Maybe that helps a little?

This is not, however, to say that a negative part CAN'T lie... can't make up a story- but MAYBE there's something to it, some cause or instance that you're not aware of, or don't see as severe b/c that part took the pain and pressure of it away from you all this time.