For the cores, when an alter fronts where do you go?

Recently had my main alter Nick (30+ M) front the other day, it felt as if i didnt exist for a while and nick had to call me back. Is this feeling universal or do any of you go someplace else when they arent fronting? I've never met another person with DID in real life so i've never gotten the chance to ask

Internal world.

You may not remember being there or yours may be blank. That's our guess. Much luck, The twins

Hi icecreamvi,

We don't have a 'core' or an 'original' and we are sorta arguing if we even have a 'host' lol. But having said that, we do have an 'outside team' and when members of the 'outside team' are not hosting, we are either coconsious to some degree, or we 'do not exist'.

So the coconsiousness thing can be fully consious, all the way to 'asleep but dreaming'. Like when you front again, memories of the other person fronting are like remembering a dream - bits and pieces, maybe it fades quickly, etc.

But the 'we do not exist' thing can happen too. When it does, we are deep in what we call the void or the in-between. It is an endless black empty space which separates the outside world from the inside world. When we go in there, if you go in deep, time stops and you sorta cease to exist. That's how we get lost time, amnesia, etc.

Our 'outside team' does not have access to our inner world, so we can't go in there when someone else is fronting.

V2

I was told.... I do one of these three things:

Go into a sleep-like state (makes sense when I feel like I just woke-up sometimes upon returning....either lose time.... or it's foggy/feels like a dream)

Am with someone in the inner world (sometimes I remember.....other times I don't. The others do though.)

Or am in my room (inner world) (Have no memory of that.....but tend to lose time)

I go inside, sometimes I am close and I am aware of what is going on. Other times I am fully inside, sometimes I remember, other times I don't. I think if I am in my own room inside, I don't remember. Hence the memory loss.

- Purple Haze

Hi,

We don't have a core because we're all parts of the system - even Host.

Host does two things when he's not front. He gets really dreamy so he doesn't know if things are really happening or if he's just thinking about it. Or he's completely gone. That means he doesn't go anywhere just stops being for a while. It's like the app that makes him is still around but it's not running so he isn't operating. Kind of a virtual thing.

I pretty much confused myself with this one.

Iain

There is no core, but I am the main front. Others come to be co-conscious, sometimes I fell in sleep, sometimes it's just black for what feels like a second and like I was just blinking my eyes, but things have happened meanwhile, most often I don't notice anything, but things have still happened meanwhile. I don't lose time a lot, most typical thing that happens, is when I'm writing in here and go back to read what I wrote, and parts of the writing is missing. It happens very fast and I don't know who removes writings or why. Usually it's like couple of sentences missing.

Few times I have found evidence we've done something I know I'd have never recalled doing if the evidence wouldn't be there, but when I see it, I can remember very foggy feeling of myself doing it. So I can be somewhat co-conscious traveler without memories about it.

We don't have a core, but I as the "host" my internal appearance is of a mask - we think it's so that no matter who fronts we will appear normal to the outside world. So when someone fronts they usually "put the mask on" so they front through me. I will be slightly dissociated and don't remember anything about what happened afterwards, but I don't lose time usually. I understand this is not a common experience so I wanted to share it.

The only few times I lost time(completely switched out) it felt as if I suddenly fell asleep and suddenly woke up with no recollection of anything in the inner world or any time passed. Except for one time where it lasted for about three months as I'm told, it's usually just for several minutes.

- Mia

icecreamvi wrote:Recently had my main alter Nick (30+ M) front the other day, it felt as if i didnt exist for a while and nick had to call me back. Is this feeling universal or do any of you go someplace else when they arent fronting? I've never met another person with DID in real life so i've never gotten the chance to ask

For me, most times I just lose time. No awareness at all.
However, a FEW times I've had a long "outage" time... where one of them was out for a long period of time, generally b/c _I_ go somewhere and they have to cover... It's been a sort of "nowhere" place... somewhere that's not non-existent, but also not like a real place is either. It's very... surreal. It is generally peaceful, serene, and calming... and I can't really describe it.

Pixie calls it "the between" where they used to go until they had the inner world to retreat into- which was more necessary for them since they lived there most of the time, in a real sense... It is only recent that they have had more of a real life presence outside, for years in a "blended" way and lately (nearly a year) with awareness (me, and some others, knowing about them and us being DID) and being more out... and trying to be more functional outside...

So it's complicated, the answer to your question. I think it may vary for each and every person.

We don't have a core--every part is an alter (and the current theory of structural dissociation doesn't support the idea of a core, but every system is different, so if that concept works for you, that's great). For us it's like the front is like a mesh screen or something that different parts can come through--we always look like the same person, and there's a lot of co-consciousness, so the main fronters don't lose time when someone else is in front. We can always remember what we did, or at least very easily reconstruct it. I'm not sure when regular "absent-mindedness" turns into lost time. If I go to do something, and it's already done, and then I remember, "oh, right I already did that" and vaguely remember doing it, why isn't that just being absent-minded?

I think we're closer to OSDD than DID because there's hardly any amnesia. We never "come to" and find that things have happened while we were "gone." We would have those memories filled in so quickly by whoever was there that we would have the "movie" right away of what happened. (Did I just contradict myself there? I can't even tell.)