Worries

So anyway I'm writing because I have a serious problem bothering me. I keep worrying about what people think of me or something. Our host has a similar problem, but it's not nearly as bad as mine. It is possible others inside may feel the same way as me. My problem is on a much larger scale however. It is driving me insane. So anyway some guy talked to me in person today. I'm not used to talking to outside people so I tried to get our host to handle it. Well she has a horrible social phobia so that didn't go well at all. Well long story short, I felt like an idiot. I'm still beating myself up in my mind over it. It wasn't just with that guy either. Anytime someone talks to me, or even writes, I feel like I always say something stupid. I feel like I should've never said anything at all in the first place. Yes I'll more than likely worry about posting this. I don't know what my problem is or what it is called, but I can't stand it.

How do you stop going over and over in your mind about what you did and didn't say? So like Weirdo doesn't think I sounded stupid, but still it doesn't help how I feel. In my mind I sounded that way. In my mind I feel like whoever tells me otherwise is just lying to make me feel better. I feel trapped in an endless cycle. Maybe I have the same phobia as our host. I think it is a worse problem however. I just don't know how to handle this. Maybe I shouldn't post this, others inside have problems too. I don't feel important. I should've let them post first. Oh well. Just another thing that's going to bother me. If I don't post this I'll worry I didn't. If I do I'll worry I did. Either way I'm a mess.

Ponyta wrote:...I keep worrying about what people think of me or something. Our host has a similar problem, but it's not nearly as bad as mine...

...Anytime someone talks to me, or even writes, I feel like I always say something stupid. I feel like I should've never said anything at all in the first place...

...How do you stop going over and over in your mind about what you did and didn't say? So like Weirdo doesn't think I sounded stupid, but still it doesn't help how I feel. In my mind I sounded that way. In my mind I feel like whoever tells me otherwise is just lying to make me feel better...

Hi, whoever you are. I'm like this also. And it doesn't matter what the others tell me.

I worry a lot, about every bad thing that could possibly happen, and it feels like lots of things are my fault. Especially when I say something stupid.

The others don't let me take over as much or for as long now, so that helps. I sort of have a job on the inside now also, instead of being out so much, but anytime I'm worried about what we're doing on the outside, I can't help getting involved, but then it makes things worse.

My T helps me a lot, because I always feel bad when outside people are mean about me worrying and being anxious all the time. He is never mean and never feels like I'm bothering him, and he cares about my feelings. The only reason he would want me to worry less is because it's hard to be so worried all the time, not because it bothers him. He still likes me even if I worry a lot, and he thinks I'm a good person even if I think I'm bad.

That probably didn't help you at all. Sorry. --Nadia

yeah. i think that's the stuff we are supposed to work out in therapy but I don't really know cuz I don't do that $#%^ -- it's hard.

but you know. because of trauma histories we think we are bad or unlovable or something. so we beat ourselves up whenever we aren't perfect.

maybe the trick is to care more about your wonderful, loveable, beautiful self. and less about all the other assholes running around in this world.

dil. you could try meds that hit the 5-HTP......

Thank you Nadia and BeccaBee!

The personality who originally wrote this post....her name is Gloom. She's sorry that she's not writing right now herself.....she feels bad that she's not....but at the same time she keeps worrying that she will say something "wrong". I can feel she hopes no one is upset that she's not responding herself. I can feel like she wants to write.....but at the same time she asked me to. She hopes that's alright. She says she's sorry. She worried so much after posting......I believe she is deeply hurting (that's why she is the way she is). I hope we'll be able to help her.

We greatly appreciate your support! Thank you for that! Any and all kind words help. She is happy you took the time to write.

She just wishes she didn't have this issue of being scared to communicate. She hates that she always fears saying something wrong. She wishes things were different for her. She's both relieved that she's not the only one who feels that way.....but yet she is sad that there are others who feel the same way as her. She told me to say..... she hopes things improve for you too.

Ponyta wrote:She just wishes she didn't have this issue of being scared to communicate. She hates that she always fears saying something wrong. She wishes things were different for her. She's both relieved that she's not the only one who feels that way.....but yet she is sad that there are others who feel the same way as her. She told me to say..... she hopes things improve for you too.

Hi Gloom. I always feel like I say the wrong thing and that people don't like me. But it helps me a lot to post here, so maybe it will help you, too. But it's also fine to have someone else write for you. You don't have to write back yourself.

People here are really nice, and I don't think anyone will think that you're saying something wrong. Especially if you're talking about how you feel. My T says that can never be wrong.

Nadia

Thanks Nadia! I also want to thank Beccabee. It means a lot to me for someone to understand. Sorry about the other day. I feel better knowing it's alright to have someone else write for me however. I just don't know what's up with me at times. It's like I panic. I become too scared to write/talk. Then that doesn't help my problem any. It just makes me far worse feeling. I can't stand it.