Need help- past behavior coming back-used to be troublemaker

Just don't know- I'm tearing myself apart over this. I feel like maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. Feel like I can't think straight right now- a lot of us are sick. I hate that. At least I think I'm making some progress again. Don't see our T for awhile yet.

Hey so here I am again. I saw what our host wrote in our journey thread. Okay- I'll admit- my name is Bandit. I can't believe I just did that. Now everyone will know. Whatever I guess. For all I know- Logan probably already spread it around. I'm glad he's not being mean right now. Still that doesn't change the fact he wounded me. His words seared into my heart. I can't forget what he said- no matter how hard I try. I believe that is why I'm having problems again. Although it's all my fault from the start.

I did have our host bring it up to our T (this week). I felt that didn't go so well however. It threw me into a panic attack. Our T didn't take it as good as I hoped- at least that's how I felt. She was happy I changed- now she was shocked to hear I'm having issues again. I don't want that brought up to her again right now. I can't handle it.

I guess I'm just looking for some generic advice on how to change, please. Thanks in advance!