"liar"

Didn't really know what to call this thread so I called it liar.

You know how we all doubt ourselves in this disorder and call it denial...

Well I got thinking because of writing something I thought to be true here and then remembered a different truth

I added that into how I can easily be convinced I believe or feel something by an outside person

Today at work I didn't remember a job and then remembered it and I realised the people present would think I just wasn't involved in that job, even though I was, and probably think I'm then lieing about remembering anything about it because they didn't witness me being part of it.

I put that with the "denial" that is often part of this disorder

And I got to wondering

I have been called a liar in my life quite alot. I believe something and then find upon remembering something else the first thing was incorrect.

So I think this is what causes alot of our self doubt about having this disorder or not. If you say one thing believing it to be true and then remember your first thought was incorrect and then get told your a liar - an outside person is calling you a liar, you must be a liar right because with this disorder you have to rely alot on current outside stimulus to make current sense of the world and your possibly not 100% sure on whether the inside info is fully accurate because you're internally missing stuff you probably ought not to miss. So therefore the outside person must be more accurate and you must indeed be a liar.

Then it turns out you have DID. You tell yourself, other parts, hey we have DID. Other parts think, I have no outside stimulus telling me this enough, plus I'm a liar and denial is much easier with this disorder than facing it so we tell ourselves we must be making it up, lieing to ourselves. We've been told so much we lie or get stuff wrong, because the inevitable guessing to get by that goes with this disorder inevitably leads to incorrect guesses. So we must be wrong, lieing or incorrectly guessing we have DID.

That was my latest observations of myself and my psyche. I wanted to share it with you guys.

My solution to this dilemma is twofold:

1. Say little.

2. Document all work as it happens, with emails, logs, photos, scans, calendar entries, etc.

My experience has been that I cannot afford to allow others to define my reality for me. That is an invitation to being taken advantage of.

Una+ wrote:My experience has been that I cannot afford to allow others to define my reality for me. That is an invitation to being taken advantage of.

Bc other realities aren't any better, they keep changing too. And they only say they believe you to make fun of you later on anyway. #fourteen

And we often believe the outside person's "truth" is more valid because our self-esteem has been damaged so badly by our abusers, that we can never be right.

MDs

When I am told I said something or discussed something or something happened and I don't recall it, I avoid being told I am a liar by believing them.
There are times when I know absolutely the other person has got the wrong end of the stick. Usually its because I recall the event and can discuss it with them.
However, there are many many times when I have no clue - and this I always assume is the DID. On these occasions I ask 'and how did the conversation end' with a big smile on my face. At work, people don't lie to me and I have no option but to ask them for their version - I don't have my own.
God, its frustrating but its a fact of life. I make lists, take notes, send back up emails etc but you can't document absolutely everything.

What all of you have said is exactly what I was talking about. Even when I read my original post it's like someone else wrote it. I thought "oh that's well written" like I'm complimenting someone else lol.
Anyway yes, thanks for responding and "getting" what I meant.

The self esteem part mentioned is definitely true also although I spend most of my time telling myself there's nothing wrong with my self esteem because I see that as weakness and I was brought up not allowed weakness. I'm starting to look more at how low self esteem governs my life choices. I have to view this disorder as some kind of strength also or I'd slip into complete denial again.

Hi,

We grew up being really good liars. We told the dangerous people what they wanted to hear. We told teachers nothing was wrong. We told everybody we remembered stuff we didn't. We're SO good at lying we don't even know we're doing it sometimes. We had to then but now it's kind of habit. It doesn't feel safe to tell the truth. Actually it doesn't feel safe to even KNOW the truth. We just don't believe things will be alright if we tell the truth.

Iain

Like tell our friends about being DID and see how many stick around - Colin.

IainEtc wrote:Hi,

We grew up being really good liars. We told the dangerous people what they wanted to hear. We told teachers nothing was wrong. We told everybody we remembered stuff we didn't. We're SO good at lying we don't even know we're doing it sometimes. We had to then but now it's kind of habit. It doesn't feel safe to tell the truth. Actually it doesn't feel safe to even KNOW the truth. We just don't believe things will be alright if we tell the truth.

Iain

Like tell our friends about being DID and see how many stick around - Colin.

My problem is sort of the opposite, sort of the same. "I never lie" ie I never knowingly tell a lie. I lie to myself, sure, I don't say stuff to people, definitely, but outright lie - I can't. I can't "know" something and not say it.

Dissociate trauma means I can't remember it, like it didn't happen. Which is basically lieing to myself but it's not lieing to others. I can't be honest about something I have no recollection of happening because it "didn't happen"

This is at the extremist point of for example: I know my ex did something, I don't know what it was, but it was considered "really bad" Therefore we hated him. We told him stay away from us. Whatever had happened had been blocked out. Another part had them allowed him back into the house. We had no recollection from what happened from the day he upset us to - next moment he's in the house eating dinner. It would of been ok but he brought up whatever happened the week before. Which woke up someone else and lead to me trying to retrace steps of that week that led to him now being in the house again. He didn't understand what was happening, said we were retracing each day to tell him our whereabouts but we were literally trying to work out why this guy was back in the house, he didn't know we had DID. We threw him out. We work harder at internal communication.

My bf now knows. I told him who likes him and who doesn't. It kind of works ok because the ones who don't like him are happy when he's not around and the ones who like him are happy when he is. The ones who don't like him do have some level of respect for him because I think that's been a problem in past relationships. If the guy isn't abusive and generally ok but not considered worthy of at least some level of respect then it doesn't work.

I don't like it if he points out switching or who's who but it's better than him not knowing. The thing I really don't like is he seems to think it's "ok" to mention things to other people. Which I keep telling him. That's the only downside to him being aware other than at first I felt like he was trying to "fix me" into one person but he seems to have more accepted it now and that I don't like it. Other than that it's better he knows but I don't tell others. I find in embarrassing. I'll tell people I had therapy, let them assume bipolar or whatever they like but I don't tell them.

@Sarandipity, very thoughtful, very insightful. We've been called a liar for most of our life and it has had the effect of making us doubt ourselves very much. we've even been told that we do not know the difference between reality and fantasy, i'm pretty sure we do but there is room for self doubt. When we are told something long enough, often enough, we begin to believe it to be true even when we doubt it is true. For me, this just adds to the confusion.
-Me