Described as "figments" or "not real" :/

Dwelt wrote:My mom told me that more than once. Not to be mean, but it was hard to hear. We though a lot about how to respond to that. Then, one day, I told her "you see me as real, right ? But you know, I'm an alter too. Tomorrow, I can disappear, be remplaced by one of the other and never come back. I'm just a part of the whole, not more or less real than another".

This happened in our system - the host that everyone knew, up and vanished, never to return. That's how we learned about DID, when she disappeared last November.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, it's caused a huge amount of problems for us and our family, and strained some of our friendships cos everyone knew her and not us.

But it does help us keep it in perspective - hosts are 'just another alter', and can come and go.

For what it's worth, our mother told us (well, V1) twice that she wished we'd all go away and disappear, and have Stephanie come back. I don't think she's ever understood how hurtful that was. After the 2nd time, V1 stopped visiting and didn't even speak with her on the phone for about 6 months.

Good luck with the out of town trip, Pixie & Zor.

VioletFlux wrote:

Dwelt wrote:My mom told me that more than once. Not to be mean, but it was hard to hear. We though a lot about how to respond to that. Then, one day, I told her "you see me as real, right ? But you know, I'm an alter too. Tomorrow, I can disappear, be remplaced by one of the other and never come back. I'm just a part of the whole, not more or less real than another".

This happened in our system - the host that everyone knew, up and vanished, never to return. That's how we learned about DID, when she disappeared last November.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, it's caused a huge amount of problems for us and our family, and strained some of our friendships cos everyone knew her and not us.

But it does help us keep it in perspective - hosts are 'just another alter', and can come and go.

For what it's worth, our mother told us (well, V1) twice that she wished we'd all go away and disappear, and have Stephanie come back. I don't think she's ever understood how hurtful that was. After the 2nd time, V1 stopped visiting and didn't even speak with her on the phone for about 6 months.

Good luck with the out of town trip, Pixie & Zor.

I will have to remember that and maybe try and explain things that way- that I'm part of the system, the whole, not the "main part" that others are broken off from. Thanks.

We just got home from the trip... it was mostly good. About 2hrs a day that _I_ noticed of "not me" time, but no comments from other people, so I'm guessing whomever was out was covering well enough people didn't notice too much.

So like side note to that- I made a system map thingy and shared it with the doctor last week. It had a heart in the middle with all of us like lines off from it, including Zor. He was like "shouldn't Zor be the heart?" and I was like "well he's like us, we're all here and all part of each other. We see him just like one of us." The doc was like "that's interesting. Never considered that before."

{\Pixie/}

Looks like your T is trying to make it all about the host. That's a problem. Guys that know DID know the host is just another alter. Kind of a specialist at day to day stuff. Trying to save the host from the system is just a bad move.

Colin

IainEtc wrote:Looks like your T is trying to make it all about the host. That's a problem. Guys that know DID know the host is just another alter. Kind of a specialist at day to day stuff. Trying to save the host from the system is just a bad move.

Colin

He is learning. Cuz like when we first saw him he was all "don't talk about them (us) as people" and "don't say 'he', 'she', or 'they/them'" like... but he admitted it was the first time he'd seen and worked with ppl like us before, and he's been doing good at like reading and learning and has totally changed his view of that- and I hope that maybe like seeing how WE see things will help get him more aware of the rest of us being valuable and like fully US and part of whole-us too.

{\Pixie/}

That the host is an alter too is another one of those basic DID 101 things. If he's "never considered that," it's a little concerning. I know he's got a good learning curve, and is open-minded, but it's not fair to your treatment if he is only relying on you to teach him.

Have you pointed him toward the training courses offered by the ISSTD? If he has taken you on, he really needs training in how to treat DID.

I read the ISSTD treatment guidelines. I was surprised by what I found.

They say that the DID patient is "a single human being with subjectively divided self-aspects." The guidelines discourage using terminology that would reinforce a belief that the alternate identities are separate people or persons.

The following are a couple of quotes.
____________

Guidelines for Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder in Adults, Third Revision INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY FOR THE STUDY OF TRAUMA AND DISSOCIATION

"The DID patient is a single person who experiences himself or herself as having separate alternate identities that have relative psychological autonomy from one another. At various times, these subjective identities may take executive control of the person’s body and behavior and/or influence his or her experience and behavior from “within.” Taken together, all of the alternate identities make up the identity or personality of the human being with DID"

"It can be helpful to use the terms that patients use to refer to their identities unless the use of these terms is not in line with therapeutic recommendations and/or, in the clinician’s judgment, certain terms would reinforce a belief that the alternate identities are separate people or persons rather than a single human being with subjectively divided self-aspects."
___________

Some therapists need to realize it is not up to them to try to break down our dissociative barriers by refusing to acknowledge our subjective reality. We put up those barriers for a reason.

Edit: Albeit, I agree it is important to develop a sense of inner unity.

I realized I was triggered when I wrote the above. I agree with the ISSTD guideline in general. (Sorry, I'm confused. Going somewhere to do something with it.)

So our doc is learning and isn't like hardcore "you're all not real" but leans towards "you're all part of Zor" more than not - but the map thingy surprised him and made him think, so I am hoping it'll help us a lot. He's been super cool about learning and being open to all of us.

{\Pixie/}