Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Wolverine told me, that he was told, it would be a good idea to make a post like this.......So I guess I'll try it. Hopefully it will help us in some way or other. Not really sure what to write though......I guess I'll just talk about how I feel right now........(No one has to reply, but if you would like to, that is fine. It might help me feel somewhat better if you do.....) My first entry is very long though.....Sorry.



Well.......I feel beyond terrible right now. I feel like I need someone to talk to, very lonely feeling. BUT yet I have how many "inner" friends, I shouldn't feel lonely. It's almost like it isn't my feeling, but coming from one of the others. Blue perhaps? I don't know. She's talking more to us though, which is good. I feel extremely depressed. Last week was a horrible one, a lot of bad stuff happened. They say when it rains it pours.

Plus to add onto the fact that I'm already depressed.......one of the really bad ones is messing with me. I call them bad because this one I believe is the destroyer. He shows me horrible images in my mind and/or mocks me. He wants me out of the way. I think he might be working with yet another one though (Scar, who is the leader of the ones that "hate" me said that there is). He didn't want to tell me his name......but....I think he was telling the truth about that. I know Scar isn't the one messing with me, Surprisingly......I think we're getting closer. So that could be an advantage there.

From what I heard, Weirdo had to initiate a system-wide lock down on the 7th to prevent the really bad one from taking over. It drained Weirdo really bad. When he finally decided to take a break and let Wolverine and Blaze handle it, the really bad one was messing with me again, but Blaze managed to chase him off luckily. Even today that one was messing with me. I heard their mocking comments. But like scar said, it seemed like there was another one as well. That other one got into a struggle with me and he managed to take over for about a minute before Weirdo shoved him away.

It sounded like there was a fight......I couldn't see it, but it sure sounded like it. I did however catch a glimpse of Wolverine in his dragon-form. I believe the other one can shape-shift as well. It sure sounded like it was a battle like that..........or something. Wolverine kept growling "BACK OFF!" Wolverine eventually managed to get him to leave. I did hear Blaze say something about the "bad" one attacking Wolverine first.......so I don't know what happened exactly that he attacked Wolverine.

I don't know why these ones hate me so much......maybe I should visit Scar and ask him. He says he won't hurt me now (He used to bully me terribly bad and terrorize me in my dreams). BUT yet......I don't know. He is still the leader of the ones that hate me and David lied to me before.......so Scar could be lying to me too. I don't know. Although I've allowed Scar to come out a few times (with all of my protectors keeping an eye on him). He doesn't seem that bad. He answered my questions that I asked the others to get to know them better(questions like what is your favorite animal, color, etc) He did write on the paper a question of his own. He's demanding to know why I'm being so nice to him.

I like him despite how he treated me. Maybe I'm too kind like Wolverine and Blaze say, but I would like to get to know all of my personalities better. Hopefully one day we all can be friends.


Plus on top of everything else going on............David is bothering me again. He lied to me. He told me he was sorry and he was going to change. He said he didn't want to upset me. He seemed to be getting better.....................So maybe he was trying............but then he started to hang out with the ones that hate me. NOW he's worse than ever. I don't know what he told them or they told him, but like I said, he is 100x worse now. It's horrible the way inappropriate stuff he says to me.

I don't want him to get hurt again. My protectors already had to beat him up once because he wouldn't leave me alone and he grabbed me. I don't know what to do. I got to be very careful with what I say to him too. I said something today in response to what he said, and he twisted my words. He responded with something way...........way inappropriate. Weirdo and a few of the guys (my inner friends) heard what he said to me. They were all appalled. They told him to stop talking to me like that. David didn't listen though. I don't remember what finally got him to leave, but he did then.

I just don't know how to handle all of this. My first appointment with our new T was on the 4th. It seemed to go pretty good.........but I don't feel like it is safe to mention the problems I'm having right now to them. You can't talk to David at all.....I tried how many times.....he just twists what I say to that inappropriate stuff. I feel like I need earplugs for inside my head because when he starts saying that stuff he won't cut it out. The more I show I don't like what he is saying.......the more he does it. He does act like a bully........Plus the ones that hate me travel in a group (that includes the bad ones I mentioned earlier).....So yeah.....That's not good.

Scar seems to want to help me though............so as long as it's not a lie........that's good. Maybe with his help we can solve the problems with the others. Not sure though......

Hi Ponyta, Wolverine, Blue, Scar, Weirdo, Blaze, David and others,

Great that you have a new T, I hope that will help you sort everything out, like writing it all down will probable do too:)

Bejer wrote:Hi Ponyta, Wolverine, Blue, Scar, Weirdo, Blaze, David and others,

Great that you have a new T, I hope that will help you sort everything out, like writing it all down will probable do too:)

Hello, and Thank you!
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How I'm Feeling Right Now:

I'm feeling a little better today............Not as depressed as yesterday............but I'm still being messed with terribly. Two of the ones that "hate" me showed up in my dream to mess with me last night. Not sure why they like to torment me so much. I would like to work the issues out that they have against me, but apparently they're not willing to work with me. I could feel one or more of them struggling for control today again. Wolverine blocked them, luckily.


I did let Scar come out a little today though with Wolverine watching him. I saw Scar said something to one of them that was bothering me...........I don't know what he said.....He whispered it to the other one. The one bothering me laughed and then left. I don't know what Scar told him............But it was good the one bothering me left. It's just suspicious............Why did he laugh? That kinda concerns me somewhat.............probably because I don't trust him 100% yet.

Scar still is the leader of the ones that hate me......So I don't know what to think. I think he kinda is starting to like me though.............but we're still far from friends.

How I'm Feeling Right Now:

(Venting)

Very Angry, Agitated, and Upset.........David will not leave me alone. He's been bothering me every day multiple times a day and he will not get the hint that I don't want him bothering me with the inappropriate stuff he says. I told him I am willing to talk with him.......if he cuts out the inappropriate speech/behavior. He refuses. I can not talk to him. Everything I say to him.....he twists it into something very inappropriate. I don't know what to do.

I WANT HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE! Either that or cut out the bad behavior and talk to me reasonably. He won't. I can't stand it anymore...... How do I get him to leave me alone? He doesn't know what personal space is either. He gets way too close to me. I tell him to back up, but he doesn't. I've tried talking nice to him.........doesn't help. My protectors had to beat him up before because he grabbed me. I don't know what to do. He seems to be getting worse....and I'm too scared to ask our therapist what to do. (I do not want to have to tell them what he says. Nor do I want my protectors telling them either. It's way too inappropriate and I'm ashamed.)

So yeah.....I'm back to not doing so good. Plus on top of that............the others are still bothering me as well.

His ability to leave you alone is kind of limited. I mean you share the same body and head. I get that you don't like the way he interacts with you but does he know a different way?

NyxX wrote:His ability to leave you alone is kind of limited. I mean you share the same body and head. I get that you don't like the way he interacts with you but does he know a different way?

I understand what you are saying, but he does know how to talk to me appropriately.....He did, one time only, when he first apologized to me and said he would change. Now for some reason he is back to talking the way he used to......plus worse. So he is able to talk appropriately......he just refuses to do so. Like with the bully ones that mock me.........I can deal with what they are saying to me because it is mainly insults towards me, etc. David on the other hand is well.....very inappropriate. I rather not say the word. Let's just say he is super obsessed with me, and will not leave me alone. The stuff he says to me is way uncomfortable and inappropriate to me.

I just want him to cut it out. I do try to talk to him...... It's just he's too hard to talk to.

2 of the bully ones humiliated me in my dream last night.


Not happy about that.

How I'm Feeling Right Now:


Extremely depressed. My mom went to the hospital. Very worried and Depressed. Was crying.......but now just feel awful and yeah.....just sick to my stomach. I feel like some or all of the others, I'm close to, are worried too......Especially Blue.

Ponyta wrote:How I'm Feeling Right Now:


Extremely depressed. My mom went to the hospital. Very worried and Depressed. Was crying.......but now just feel awful and yeah.....just sick to my stomach. I feel like some or all of the others, I'm close to, are worried too......Especially Blue.

OH MY! MY DAY JUST SO..... SO MUCH WORSE! I don't know what it feels like to "split" but I sure feel like we're going too. My protectors can't protect me from this. Usually they make a delay somehow so that the stuff doesn't hit me so hard......but with everything going on..........they weren't able to. Weirdo is stressed to the Max as well as my other protectors trying to handle this.

Trigger warning
sick family member, hospital


My uncle has been in the hospital since labor day.......his condition worsened. He is deathly sick.


End trigger


I'm so sick right now. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm having a major panic attack, depressive episode, and major breakdown at the same time. My knuckles hurt so bad. Weirdo said he's sorry he was punching his punching bag extra hard to try to relieve stress. He said it must've affected me somehow.



SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEPRESSED right now.

Our host wanted to post on here about another thing that's breaking her heart but since no one bothered to even ask about our uncle or our mother- which just had to be taken by ambulance again today- I told her not to say anything. Very upset about that.
She only has us to talk to then and right now- it broke her heart even more that no one bothered to ask her how she's coping- but yet how many viewed her posts. here and on the how y'all doing thread (whatever it's called).
At least a good friend and their protector sent her a private message on here. If she wouldn't of had them to talk to- that would've been very bad.
Yeah- not happy that no one bothered to say anything on the other thread- other than- about it being a bad day. At least they acknowledged somewhat how she was feeling. you would've thought someone else would've at least wrote too and said something along the lines of I hope they pull through- despite the odds- etc.- or just even say anything

I know she said no one had to respond on this thread- but that's not the point. She was going to let it go and post again anyway. But I CAN'T Let Her (it'll just upset her more because I'm sure no one will bother to reply to me either) If anything I'll probably get some mean response about venting on our host's thread. So what!? Not a happy protector right now- nor THAT day.


-Weirdo