Inner Worlds

So I know there's threads about this (I've found one or two), but they're long "dead" and I didn't want to bring up an old thread (unsure if that was against protocol or not)… 

I've read this page recently (http://did-research.org/did/alters/internal_worlds.html) trying to figure out the "lives" my alters have had for the last many many years. My wife says it's sometimes hard to believe this condition and that I've got it b/c it all sounds like "days of our lives" stuff (soap opera drama for those that don't know the reference), with marriages, life events (including traumas like family deaths, car accidents, pregnancies, and having kids), and the way they age over this period (about the last 10 years). It was like they were always there, but 10 years ago suddenly began aging… 

Best I can figure is that when they began interacting with "the real world" (outside world, I mean), they began to take on a more literal life, including aging? That link certainly seems to indicate that that is possible… but I don't get why they wouldn't really age much or suddenly appear at the young-mid teen ages they were years ago. If they were always aging, it means they would have been basically infants from about the mid-90's until their point of taking action and making themselves known- which would be just a few years after the traumatic time in my life that I THINK may be the cause of this, about the age of 11-13 (though not NEARLY as traumatic as you'd think for something like dissociation, at least it surprises ME this would be severe enough).

So I am trying to make sense of why they would sit around dormant and not aging, not changing and being the 13-14 age until they made themselves known and got active online and "met" me… then started to age and talk about their lives that were happening over the many years… I don't understand this, and I know it's hard for others to make sense of, too.

Wow. Thanks for sharing that article.

Our experiences.

Kitten is the core. Delilah broke off and became a self-aware person when Kitten was 5 or 6 (we don't remember the exact age, but we now all have access to the memory of Delilah becoming herself). Lilly was split off either at the same time, or slightly after. We think this because neither Delilah nor Lilly can remember a time where the other was not existing... holy crap I just had a thought... they're sisters, twins, and one aged and one didn't.... um....

Ok, sorry... Weird moment of clarity there.. getting back on track.

So, Lilly is 5.5, which is how we know Delilah has been around since Kitten was 5 or 6, because of Lilly and Delilah splitting off at or around the same time.

So, Delilah aged with Kitten. She doesn't really identify as an age, so we all just assume she's 39 like the body. Lilly stayed 5.5.

I'm 17. Like Delilah, I remember when I became self aware, but it's more of a general time frame rather than one distinct memory.

Little Wolf came out about 2 months ago. We don't know how old she is. She sometimes sees herself as a silvery-grey small wolf (like the runt of the litter), and other times she sees herself as a young girl with wolf ears and a wolf tail and wolf eyes. She doesn't talk, and she communicates by flashing pictures at us (if that makes sense). She has no idea, or concept of time or age. Her only concerns are base needs... food, shelter, safety, and occasionally sex.

The newest, Val... no idea about her. None.

So... all that to say, we don't have an answer to your question. LOL. Because Delilah aged along with Kitten, Lilly and I stayed at the age we were when we first became "people."

I can say this.. the more Lilly interacts with the outside world, she does seem to mature a little bit. I don't think she'll ever grow up fully, and she'll always see herself as 5.5, but you know how you see little kids who seem mature for their age, but they are still age appropriate in other places... that's kindof what's going on with Lilly.

And I've changed. I've matured in the sense that I'm less insecure, and my mood swings have leveled out. But, I know I'm still 17. And I like it that way.

Britney

I don't really know what our inner world is like. Or our ages really I don't even know the body age unless I work it out because I always forget it. I don't have access to the inner world when I'm not in the body I'm just kind of off.

Pixie is a little she has the personality and emotional maturity of a 5 year old. But she is capable of doing everything required of an adult so her age confuses me. She has somewhere she goes inside but I can't follow and I feel like I'm not supposed to know about it so I've never asked her about it.

Z and backup spend most of the time sitting in the back of my mind watching and observing. They don't identify as a specific age either. I think backup has an inner experience. When I asked her she gave me a sense of an archive room but I don't know what its like.

Nixie says she is 4. The only one of us that can give an immediate answer when asked that question. I think she might be younger her vocabulary is very limited and she struggles to do basic tasks. She used to be isolated in our inner world trapped with our traumatic memories.

I have only had one experience of going inside, which was yesterday and I wasn't expecting it. The others have described the inner world as being lots of separate rooms, where they often can't leave their designated room but can send messages outside.

The others don't seem to remember much more than I do, which is very little. Our collective memory recall is absolute garbage. My partner has a theory that there's an alter controlling our collective ability to remember but I haven't met an alter that fits that kind of role. I don't think any of them see themselves as having had lives before now, and they don't seem to experience time the same when they're inside vs outside (the way they've described it is it's either being in a room inside or it's being outside at the front, when they're inside it seems like time has no meaning, so a stretch of a few months would feel instantaneous, that's my guess from what they've told me). My partner has described that in their system they have lots of intricate internal dynamics and past lives, so I have heard of that kind of thing before, however.

As for ages, none of the others know for sure but we've all made guesses or have a general feeling about it. Jones sees himself as a similar age to me. Both Bubbles and Werne are children. I thought that Bubbles was around 9 years old due to some context from family, but my therapist thinks she's younger than that because of how she speaks. I don't know how old Lain is, I thought they were a teenager but I'm not sure. I don't know how ageing works in this context, it's complicated.

Sorry that doesn't help much.

I lives with The Pixie. We lives in a big soft fluffy cave. And we burrow inside. And when we inside we seep. When we seep is no time. We stay same. I seep by door so can keep The Pixie safe. Always keep The Pixie safe cos I is biggest and strongest. Z says I should type proper. But I think I should type way I talk. Cos if I type proper I sound like her not me. And I am bestest so sound like me.

BIG ZUZU

Big word is hibernate

The inner world is a magical place that you can make what you want it to be, https://www.discussingdissociation.com/ ... unication/
Its very good to take control of that world and create what you need there. You cant change stuff that already exists unless you created it yourself, but you can make anything you want in new unexplored areas in the black void.

Its very good that they are aging, but dont be suprised if a trigger temporary may put their age back to what it was when that trauma happened.
Age is just a number they say, but for alters it is just a part of their selfimage.
Are they stuck in a trauma at a certain age then they will have that age, but if they can get past that then they can age too, or slide to different ages depending on the circumstances.
So, age doesnt mean so much for alters , a 2 year old toddler may have a PhD in philosophy, while a 100year old introject has the mind of a 5 year old.

Lilly wants be friend for zuzu and pixie!!!!!!

I have internal places. I have a large meadow where two alters talk. They also have a place where those two cuddle up for comfort. They have a story. But this all comes from when I did past life regression so I don't know if its the same sort of thing but it's an internal imagining.

I have created internal world's out of "the void" - blackness. The void is limitless and can have anything coming out of it so I try to keep it all happy and nice.

I have castle, that came from a very vivid dream. It's round and has a water fall in the middle round court yard. It has a draw bridge. The water fall is deep , it runs down under the castle and out to the sea where there's dolphins which comes from another vivid dream I had where I could breath underwear and talk to Dolphins.

The castle is in the middle of an expansive forest. To get from the castle to the outside I fly on a broomstick. I had a very vivid imagination as a kid.

There's meadows, hills Moors and mountains where one alter lives. There's goats, other animals, other people living in villages and towns. Imaginary people I'm guessing but to me it's another place even though it's internal.

After one bad trauma the alter that experienced it effectively died but we put her to sleep like sleeping beauty or snow white to rest until she felt ok to wake up. We tried waking her up a few times but she wasn't ready for ages, she didn't eventually wake up when she was ready and it took a while to believe she was actually back and we weren't fooling ourselves.

So I guess I have a big internal landscape. If we all meet to talk we meet in the void because we can imagine a chair or anything we need there without thinking about all surroundings.

When i was kid I was always retreating into day dreaming and very imaginative.

My alters though grew up with me it feels like although some are more immature than others and some are very old fashioned. And some regress to younger ages probably when trauma happened, but they regress and feel safe and cuddly probably because we've been comforting ourselves for years now. I hug myself, stroke myself and tell myself it's ok.

I also have a sofa under the sea where Neptune lives and there's a Shark who wears glasses and sits on the sofa next to me. I go there when I want to escape mentally and watch tv. That place came when I had hypnosis for labour pain relief. After a certain point I stopped listening to the hypnotist and I did my own thing - had a chat with Neptune, sat on my underwater sofa with the Shark wholeness glasses and watched TV while the hypnotist said stuff, someone was listening to him because we remember all the techniques he taught us.

I can mentally visit real places I've been like I'm there and watch the day or days I spent there. I can go to moments in my mind too and feel them, smell them. I don't like taking photos because I can't experience the moment properly if I'm looking through a camera. I can't soak in what I'm seeing properly of feel the air on my skin. I don't do it all the time just certain moments I like to soak in.

But yes I have an internal world I guess.

ItsJustUs wrote:Lilly wants be friend for zuzu and pixie!!!!!!

I'm sure they would like to be friends as well but they are sleeping again now. When they wake up I'll ask them to post in the little thread for lily.

So here is our inner world, as far as I know.

When we co-conscious, it's like a big living room with a couch and chairs. The couch and chairs face a large, very clear, bay window which looks out into the "real" world. Anyone who is in that room can look out and watch while whoever is in control is doing their thing with the body.

Each part has their own room they can go in. Sometimes the door is locked, and you have to knock to get their attention, sometimes they leave it open a crack. When it's open a little, we (all the other parts) can hear their thoughts and even glimpse them. If we knock, and it doesn't open, then there is an intercom where we can leave a voicemail, or put memories in. That way that person can get the message, or will have access to things that happened while she was asleep.

Then the Little Wolf showed up. Sometimes she sees herself as a small silvery-grey wolf, others as a young girl with a wolf tail and wolf ears. She "lives" in a forest. She doesn't like the dark, so it's always dusk in her neck of the woods (*giggle* pun intended). She doesn't talk, she communicates by flashing pictures at us. Lately Britney has vacated the "house" and lives with Little Wolf.

Val.. we still don't know anything about her, other than she's a female. I've never seen her, I've only heard her a few times. So I'm not sure if she's formless or just likes to hide. I can't communicate with her directly, she has to initiate.