How old where you when symptoms showed up?

madness00 wrote:What did you think it was before?

Or did it just not exist in your mind at all?

I wasn’t sure. Didn’t know if it was my imagination or just some weird stray random thought or what. Largely I tended to ignore it as if it were some “outside” influence or bizarre imagination thing. But looking back at the last 10 years and seeing how these were things “just like (whomever) would say” it makes sense that these a possibly (perhaps most likely) attempts to talk to me that I was missing or suppressing. That may be part of why they went online to talk to me for all I know (if you see this, Pixie, please do enlighten me).

madness00 wrote:Now, again, this is probably just a lack of identity coupled with a chameleon like personality, but i've always been interested in DID nonetheless. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody, but the idea of it, dare i say.. sounds kinda cool.

madness00 wrote:It's only "cool" to me because i feel like it explains things. If i couldn't personally relate to it i would just see it as another disorder that causes pain and suffering.

I think you might be right about the lack of identity and chameleon like personality (just say whatever's convenient at that moment).

DID is not a condition that cáuses pain and suffering, it's the result of a lot of pain and suffering caused by others.

I had symptoms my whole life, but had mostly explained them away or not noticed them entirely with some exception of certain "resistors." So if, say, 50 out of 50,000 alters notices that you have other selves etc., it still doesn't really count honestly. The first alter to notice something was up came around when I was 5, then alters from when I was 8 really put things together. I was only able to tap into that knowledge they had accumulated until AFTER the rest of me figured a lot of stuff out, about 3 years post-diagnosis.

But as for when I can point to it tangibly manifesting in my life in a way that was visible to others, would be in my final college relationship. My littles kept coming out around my boyfriend. There were two particular ones - one would switch out with me when I went to sleep and would harass my then-boyfriend for food and tea. And then another would just come out and act cutesy and cuddle with him. I had almost complete timeloss for the one at night (I explained that away as me sleep walking,) and I was partially aware of the other one and couldn't understand why their associated behaviors kept happening. I remember my ex would say "You're so cute! I didn't expect you would be such a cutesy person" and in my head I was thinking "Me either, I have no idea where that's coming from." So that would be around the time I was 21, which is also just before when I started going through my first wave of memory processing and was around the time my PTSD was starting to become overt.

I remember having panic attacks at night from when I was maybe 6. I used to think I was seeing ghosts and that they came to scare me to sleep because of the floaters I'd see. Also all through my childhood the doctors kept diagnosing me as asthmatic and then saying that no I didn't have it which as I still get the shortness of breath and difficulty breathing I recognise as being connected to my anxiety.

As for the specific DID symptoms. For as long as I can remember I've had an awareness of 2 others, I'd refer to them as my outside and inside self. Z is the outside self and I thought if her that way because she is the one who takes over in a crisis and protects me. Pixie is the inside self she because she is the one we hid inside so she would be safe and protected.

Occasionally when me and my SO would have a falling out Nixie would come out and I would have a complete meltdown completely out of proportion to what had happened and would end up having how I was being because I felt like my behavior was emotionally manipulative but wouldn't be able to stop it.

My overall self image was of a broken porcline figurine that had been broken and glued back together but doesn't fit together properly anymore. we never used to communicate directly and the switching always seemed appropriate to the situation so I never thought much of it.

A few years ago Nixie because a more constant presence in my mind and I displaying delayed onset PTSD symptoms. Since then I've had 2 T's the first I told about the inside and outside me but I never mentioned it to the second, so I've not been diagnosed.

The last T told me alot that I disassociate to much so I started looking into that to understand what she was trying to tell me better and so if it came up with other I could explain it better. So that led me to reading about DID for the first time and it really resonated with me and I discovered multiple personality disorder is not like its displayed in fiction and could be me. So I asked inside my head if I was alone and it was like opening a can of worms and the others started communicating directly with me.

From what we've learned from our mother, we were probably showing symptoms by age 7 if not earlier. 7 is the earliest we can 'confirm' though. As far as when we became aware of it, that's more difficult to answer.

The earliest we know our previous host was confronted with obvious evidence of others' activity was in her 30's. And we know she took over from our 'first' host around age 18, but she had some handwavy explanation for how that all worked so it didn't mess up her denial.

Then things started spiraling out of control in 2015 onwards, till late 2017 when previous host disappeared and V1 woke up in her place. Then I emerged, and others, and it's been ongoing since then. Went into therapy, got diagnosed, and now just living /dealing with it.

Or in other words, the symptoms have been there probably most of our life. We only just noticed them / were no longer able to ignore them at body-age 48.

V2

K, here. I’m 39. I had no idea until about two years ago when my little decided to show herself to my now husband, who I was dating at the time. We were on the phone late at night and she completely blacked me out. When I “came back” I thought I had just fallen asleep. It was after the second time this happened that my husband told me about her. She continued to see him.

Not long after that the second one , B came out. She was different though. She moved to the front, I could see, hear, and feel... but I wasn’t in control and kept thinking “why am I doing this????” About the third time, my husband said to her, “I see you.” She said “of course you f*****g see me. I’m right in front of you.” He said, “No. I see YOU. I don’t know who you are, but I know you’re not K.” She retreated and didn’t surface again for like a month.

The third, Delilah, who made this account and started posting here... she REALLY surprised him. I had been drinking. The little one had left. I had passed out. B was drunk off her butt. And then all the sudden, husband hears a very soft, very SOBER, “Hello.” (We were in the phone.” He said, “and who the hell are you?” Lol

Looking back, I know D has been with me since I was 5 or 6. B showed up when I was maybe 15 or 16. Pretty sure the little one has been there since Delilah, because she (little one) is “five... AND A HALF!”
But I didn’t know all this then. I actually remember B being there. Mostly because she’s the one who would take over but make me watch. A lot of my memories from times I didn’t know why I was acting up and couldn’t “help myself,” I realize now were B.

Since I’ve become aware of them I’ve gone through denial, fear, uncertainty, grudging acceptance, acceptance to trying to work with them. Getting to know the little one and D and working with them was way easier than B. She hated me with a passion.

I attribute almost all of my healing to my husband who was very accepting of everything, and who worked on building relationships with each personality. And who knew what B was doing when she tried to push him away.

Sorry this was so long.

K

Thanks to everyone else who has posted!

I enjoyed reading your stories, and wish the best for you all.

All in all, it seems like symptoms should be present at an early age or at least earlier than the time of diagnosis. In my case, the only things i can explain are liking to switch usernames online, having another account on different websites named "Alex" and one named "Johnny", not recognizing myself in the mirror at times, seemingly out of body experience i.e. watching myself as if in a movie.

I will continue to keep an eye out for any other signs, and in the meantime again i hope you all are doing well.

I don't mean to undermine the issues at hand with my petty problems.

Madness00-
Just wanted to say thanks for the response. Re-reading my response, i may have overreacted. All is good.

Seventeen, eighteen? I had a large shadow haunting me, standing behind me, on my back. He'd hold me down.

just bumping this incase there more ppl.

no trauma, 28 yr old, no loss of time.

possible?