Goal: healthy multiplicity

Hi!

I said in my intro: I manage my system like a corporation. Everyone has tasks, free time and every night, before to sleep: feedbacks and debrief about goals of life, graphs (self estime, efficacy, fears, lost remembers, etc).
In France, therapists are locked on: Psychoanalysis Lacan, So DID are hystericals, or weird schizo (they don't explain that word "weird", just say "you are so atypical") then give neuroleptics.....
"French touch" haha

So I can't trust therapist to rise my comfort level up in my life.
And I refuse to try integration, I'd like to keep my multiplicity, just deal with trauma to heal alts.

I expose my "stress down" routine:

Track everyday triggers in my bullet journal, then report consequences in a notebook.
On my diary, I track my global self esteem, my collab perf.
Everynight, meditate to chill out, then internal feedback, if conflict between alts, we deal with, then debrief for tomorrow (in bullet journal) every tasks, dates, goals...

I'll engage the next month papers to change my identity card, to add hosts alts names on. Did someone do that?? My alts breaks my brain with that since many months (maybe years?)
Trying to make me Singleton-like drives me to hard stress in society, but when people calls me with my different parts name, I feel better and calm so I can work, deal with friends, etc. So now, I want to stop to play singleton role as a bad theater, and want to say to world I'm multiple, not disordered, just multiple.

Then my only one question: if I want me to assume multiplicity, how to do? How to explain that to my family?

I feel as struggled in a singlet role...

Hi ! =3

We didn't thought about changing our body's name, because it's the only one everybody will answer to. It's like a family name for the system. The Littles don't remember our true family name, so...
Also, even if we want to educate people (we're gonna end up teatcher...), we're also still in the "if you want to be safe, be invisible" thought process. So letting people know, okay... but just the ones we trust a lot or the ones that are directly affected by our behaviors (close family and friends).

When I told my family, I tried to not make it a big deal and to keep it simple : when there's a lot of stress during the childhood, the phenomenon of dissociation, who is basically a way to separate everything in your brain to deal with stress, became so strong that it leaded me to have differente personnalities with their own traits.
My grand-mother and her partner (which is in the family since my mom is 12, so he's like a grand-father for me) take it far better than my mom. But no one was really surprised... We still live at my mom's house, and we often spend a month or more to my grand-parent's home for summer holidays, they saw us in our daily routine, so it was an explaination to a lot of things.

But no one in my mom's family was directly involved into the abuse we lived. They even tried to protect us and to stop my father when he was violent in front of them (it wasn't really effective because we saw them only once a year as we lived in another part of the world at this time).
The only thing I can blame my mom about would be the fact she assumed we weren't affected by the way my father acted. But now we've talked about it, and she knows it wasn't the case, and I know she was in denial about the violence she lived herself with her own father, so this was why she thought we weren't affected.
But that's why she was greatly sceptical at first : she was blaming herself and didn't wanted to believe she letted my father hurt us to that point + she was in denial of her own trauma. And dealing with that, plus breaking her misconceptions about being multiple, was hard to do. Not because she didn't believed me, she believed me after some explaination, but because it kind of hurts.

I didn't told my mom's father, and we don't have any contact with my father or his family so they don't know and will never know. Also, as he lives with our father, I didn't told my brother. But as he seems to be as dissociative as the rest of the family, I think I will have to talk with him one day.

Telling family isn't like telling friends. Your family have more ideas about yourself, and it will be hard for them to discover you're not like they thought. It can be harder if they are involved in the abuse in a way or another.
To be clear, I don't say "don't do it", but "be prepare to all kind of reactions".

At the end of the day, if you ask me, I would say that it worth it. We don't say "hey, someone else is there" but my family isn't surprised anymore by the "weird changes", the child-like behaviors, or by the micro-amnesia. Now it has an explaination, it becames normal and we don't argue anymore because of it, we even laugh about it. But my family is quite open-minded and accepting. I know it's not the case for everyone.
I've lost some close friends, and as I said, we were carefull about the people we told in my family.

Vallfundr wrote:I'll engage the next month papers to change my identity card, to add hosts alts names on. Did someone do that??

Hi Vallfundr! We've recently done this. We didn't 'add' names but changed our legal name completely. Our previous host had her name on our ID for 25 years but she has been gone since November.

Now there are two new co-hosts, and we both use the name Violet. So we did the legal process and changed the name to Violet. We changed the last name too, to a name that our whole system identifies with. So our 'family name' is our system name.

I didn't think it was a big deal but we learned that a lot of people do think it's a big deal lol. Changing the government ID was easy - just filing paperwork, paying fees, and waiting. Changing everything else takes more time. Like bank accounts, business accounts, all that other stuff.

I think, if you want to do it, then do it. Make sure the rest of your system is in agreement first though.

V2

Of course, papers were easied last year in France, so I'm confiant about the acceptance from administration..

Thank you for your answers!

Dwelt, I don't want to use all the name in my professionnal life, you know me, I would like Bea to sign her-self the work contracts, and if she's not ready to work, I'll replace her, of course...Then just use another name than Axelle, to escape the global stress! French law is hard about "false papers using"... If I sign any paper with an alter name, I could have many problems...But my e-mails and contracts, would be easier to manage if I know who signed it
Then in associations, when we fight against the French System, the little is over-stressed, Jim is agressive...If everyone in the association could call me Myleen, it would be better for the others...
About Family, it's because the far family it's a BIG TRIGGER just to be aside existing lol. So if Beatrice could not be called it's safer..Etc etc
It would me to juggle, ok, but it would be less stressing than heal the weaks...

Thanks a lot too!