Dead parts *obvious TW : death and the dead*

Do any of you have dead parts?

We have 2 that are dead, and one who is just either dying or losing consciousness. He's like the mixture of a part and a flash back, not sure which one.

Other dead one feels very alive. But he believes we are dead. When he comes, he talks to me and tells we have died about 2 years ago now. I should not hang in here anymore, but just let go and leave where the dead go. He says we should accept the fact we died and the light will come, and we should go there. It feels very real, I totally loose reality when he comes and believe I no longer exist, I just thought I did and continued "life" like I was living.

He's different from other parts, since I can feel him outside off me. He has sat next to me and spoke those things, touched my arm. I "saw" him and "felt" his touch, but those feelings were inside my head, I knew there was no one there for anyone else to see, but I do believe I'm dead when he tells me we are.

It feels very peaceful, and little sad. The fact that we were murdered feels sad. Sometimes I've felt I'm still not ready to go, but I've tried to go also. Once in the hospital I climbed to the chair, cause only light I saw was the lamp in the ceiling, and I wanted to try if there really is a way to where dead go. Well, it didn't work. (Surprisingly..)

He was born when we had our brain damage, and he believes we died then. You can see his head is not like it should be, so he can't be alive like that, but otherwise he is like living people are. He looks like me back then.

I have thought him a lot, and the reason why he may exist, and I'm thinking he might be our ultimate protector from killing ourselves. We don't need to do that, if we already are dead. With him comes depersonalization as well, I feel I'm not real. Obviously cause I'm dead. So I have walked straight to the wall and to the couch, not understanding I still have a body. It feels very stupid and unnecessary to do anything, or speak out loud to someone. It's very weird they can hear me. I kind of feel I'm just floating, feeling bit sad but in harmony. I call him simply the Dead Boy. He's 13.

The other dead one is very different. It feels terrible and horrendous when he's in me. I describe it here, if you are sensitive about that kind of stuff, don't read what's between the stars.

***He's smaller, shorter than me, but when he comes to me, inside me, his face are where mine are, so his foot don't reach the floor. He's just hanging there in the air. He feels cold and he's wet, I can feel the water slowly dropping and it's VERY scary. like a horror movie in real life. He doesn't breath, he's like dead are. He doesn't move, he can't think, he's not awake or in sleep, he's just dead. His body exists inside mine, and I would want to run away, but moving is hard because of him.***

When he comes to me, I certainly can feel the difference between me, living, and the actual dead one. I don't know why he is there. It feels like he's an actual ghost, you know, the kind you should stop feeling fear for and feel empathy and ask what does he want. But I don't believe he's able to answer. He doesn't think, he's just completely dead. Maybe he just doesn't want to be forgotten? I do not know.

The one who is either dying or losing consciousness has come from the same situation than where the second dead one was also created. So they are kind of the same, one just before he died and then the one who is dead.

I can understand maybe the living one is just a flash back. But I have no clue why there is the one who died? I won't tell their names, they could be triggering, since they have describing names, not human names. They are both 12.

Have any of you had same kind of parts than my 12 y o dead part? Have you managed to help them? What did they "want?" Do any of you know why there are parts like that at all?

He visits me very rarely. I can't see any clues when or why.

Well, thinking about it now, it always happens late at night when I'm alone in the room. He has come when I was gonna have a shower (but couldn't because of him there, it would've been terrifying to be naked with him there!), and he has come when I have been in my own room alone. I can't sit when he comes, I have stand but if I would have been sitting, I think I would've stand up. And then I kind of freeze there, and feel him, and I would want to run, but it's hard and it would be more terrifying not to be able to get away when trying, than just staying in there "willingly".

Dear PlanetIcarus

Very haunting Post

When I saw the title I instantly saw my own part that is sort of like that.

Mine was first in a dream last year, and was very scary. And then again while sitting at my Mother's Bedside while she was dying last year. She had the same exact face of death. More in facial expressions than in decay like mine was, but was identical and even overlaid that horrific image from my dream over her face for it matched.

Come to think of it my Best friend whom I was his caregiver had that same look as did my Father the week before they passed 4 years ago too. Perhaps I have been too close to death these past 4 years and it just imprinted upon my mind and became a part of me? I don't know, but it's gruesome.

When I saw the image at first in my dream last year, it was in the reflection of a shop window and at first didn't know it was me. I didn't even know I had died much earlier in my dream and that I had been lying and rotting on the ground for a while in the first part of the dream and then it hit me that the way I looked was because i had rotted in that position and was going on as if I was still alive but didn't know it. The entire experience was much like that movie "The 6th Sense". The intense experience of watching the end of that movie and realizing that he had been dead since it began, but didn't know it until the end. Suddenly it all made perfect sense in a way that you don't understand until the ending.

I had it a day or two before seeing my T and told it to her and she said that she also had one so very much like mine the past few days as well! Spooky!

I'm not sure if it's a "Part" or what, but it comes to me at times. And when it does it is very unsettling for it also comes with all of the same faces of my family and friend in the past few years as well. But more than anything else is that very intense realization that that face is actually my own looking in the reflection of a window! It's so very graphic and real I don't dare give any more details here.

Another very odd thing about it besides just how realistic and graphic it is and feel it, is the intense sensations that went along with the entire dream at different parts of the dream as it progressed.

In my Dream, at first, I was fighting with 3 other guys around my age which I would put as late teens or early 20's? One of them was naked and only wearing a bear skin cape. The other two were wearing regular clothes. I can't remember exactly what we were fighting about but they were hunting me and I was at times chasing them and was back and forth for the whole dream.

One of the guys I was fighting was on the streets of a small town and although I didn't understand at the time, he killed me on the sidewalk out in front of a shop with big windows. That happened early on but thought I had gotten back up and kept fighting. But in "Reality" I had died and was lying face first on the side walk which was why my lower jaw was like pressed downward the way it was in the reflection later.


***Trigger Warning***
At the end of the dream I caught the naked guy wearing a bear skin and took his knife and gruesomely cut his head off. This was very scary and intense for me for I NEVER do anything violent in my dreams ever that I can ever recall.
End ***Trigger Warning***


Right afterwards he stood up as if it hadn't happened (he was fine) and the other two came up and cheered me on and clapped!?!?

I was so baffled, shocked and confused by all of it and especially how they were all acting as if it was the closing scene of a play!?!?

Oh I just remembered something else too! Right as they were clapping and such, I suddenly felt so very Embarrassed that I had acted the way I did, and they just laughed like we had all been best friends forever.

They acted as if we were all actors in a play that had already been written and that we were all "Actors" in it all along and playing my "Role".

They had explained to me seeing how confused I was that, Not only had I died much earlier, but they had all as well. That is I think when I looked down at my corpse which was very decomposed on the sidewalk and then saw my reflection in the shop window. Their's were about as well too.

It was a very haunting experience and had shaken me ever since. But at the very same time, I felt somehow that they were there to try and show me that my "Traumas", were safely in the past and that we were all safely past it and that we were "Acting" them out without knowing it. And that NOW we can see that and everything is all right although may have seemed very scary, but was nothing to be afraid of after all.

That was as best as I could describe the feelings of the dream, I wish I could express myself much better like you do.

But that aside, that "reflection" of me being "Dead" is so vivid in my mind as well as that intense realization that it is actually me, it's very unsettling regardless of the seemingly happy ending .

I sometimes see it in the Mirror late at night in passing in real life.

The message that they were trying to teach me hasn't sunk in, but the shock of seeing that reflection haunts me constantly. When I remember the message the other dudes were trying to show me, I just feel confused and in shock of it all. I mean I sort of "get it", but only a tiny bit.

I'm sorry PlanetIcarus if I mis-posted here on your thread.

It started in that dream over a year ago, but has been with me ever since. I don't know if it is considered a "Part" of me or not? But I can tell you it sure feels like it when I walk past a mirror and see that image of myself at times. Because it IS ME!

I just get flooded with images and flashbacks to all I have seen in the past few years on top of that strange and haunting dream. I still remember vividly seeing that image on my Mother's face the day before she passed. Knowing that it was my own face overlaid over her real dying face was very disturbing to me on many levels. But tied to it was also that message that I struggle to grasp that it is all in the past and is all right. Hard to put into words.

Sorry if it's not spot on to your question bro

It's a very intense continuous experience for me and never seems to lesson in affect. Your post brought it all right to here and now and instantly wanted to post about my own as well.

It's very much the second "Dead One" you describe in the post as far as how it actually feels.

As best as I can describe it is Shock, Horror, Sadness, confusion, curiosity, out of body, as well as that other confusing sensation as in realizing that it's something from long ago and just now start to understand it a tiny little bit but is not so bad as I thought it was before I knew?

It's very intense and complicated. I don't really understand much of it. And yet there are other parts of me that do. I just don't have access to them.

I know how "Clinical" that last part sounded but that truly is the overwhelming experience I had at the end of the dream before I woke up. Like I literally had been "acting" in a play that was already written from beginning to end, but had somehow forgotten it was just a "Play" and that I was just an "Actor" in it and that they were reminding me? Does that make any sense at all?

Warmly
Lumps

Hi PlanetIcarus,
The first one you described seems to be protective. The second one is strange and scary. A thought? Acting dead is an instinctive response when death seems inevitable. It is to slow the metabolism and dull the pain. Maybe "becoming dead" protected you at the time.

I have a "dead" part that first appeared when I turned 18. Nothing seems to have triggered it. I thought I was possessed by a wolf ghost and flooded by memories. It affected me deeply. The wolf was with me for some years and I could "see" his ghost beside me sometimes. And then I envisioned him as a rotting carcass and thought he had finally passed to the other side.

The wolf was dormant for maybe 15 years. I never understood what happened. Then I learned about dissociation and started trying to find parts. I was trying to reach an alter named Tdae and she sent her alter, the wolf. That was a surprise. I felt almost as awful as rotting death. He said inside my mind, "I'm still right here where you left me, rotting in the woods. But I don't mind being dead. It's better than running for my life or being alone." He revealed that he was actually one of four baby alters, but he still prefers the form of a dead wolf. My guess? It seems that a baby-fragment became encapsulated, then later accessed the mind to create a troubled animal spirit. As I learned about dissociation, the wolf alter also learned and came to new conclusions about his origins.

Hi PlanetIcarus,

It sounds sad and painful.

I have a part who believes she killed another part. The "killed" part stopped fronting for many years, and I think that was the purpose of her being "dead". The other part believed that she wouldn't be able to handle our reality at the time.
The good news is that once I got in a safe situation, she started to front again and doesn't seem to know she was ever "dead". (However, the other one still feels guilty).

the Dead Boy does indeed sound like a protector. I think the most important thing for everyone in a system is to make the present as safe as possible. Having regular meals, sleep times, social contact, school, exercize, time to reflect and/or engage in hobbies - but most importantly being around safe people. (And not harming yourself). It's difficult when you're a minor because you can't control many things in your environment. Even as an adult it is very challenging to do all of this. But I think that once everyone feels a bit more okay, then you have room to take care of each other more - like with these dead parts. You could ask them to express themselves more to you, but if you are in an unsafe/unstable situation it's maybe not the wisest thing to do because it can be very upsetting.

Generally, parts do indeed want to feel heard and get their needs met. It's speculation, but maybe the Dead Boy wants Safety - after all, no one can hurt you when you are dead.

"Dead alter: Some alters endured “such horrific abuse that they believed they did die.” If there is no one that can help the child “assimilate the experience and to recognize that they lived through it,” [4 p.64] then the part is in essence dead. An alter cannot be killed however, and can always be found and helped back to “life.” "

This is something I found. So maybe the completely dead, scary one, would want to be saved and helped back to life. I have no clue how to do that though, how to help.

I have an alter that was created during a near death experience so she believes She is dead. When she is around I usually become very cold and go completely numb physically.

I have a dead alter. There is nothing about him that would make you think he's dead, but we know he's a dead boy. He has a form of pure white. Like you, it is from brain damage when I was eight years old, and the dead boy lived to be 10.

We have alters that thought they died. They experience themselves as ghosts, detached from human life. They were split during near death experience. We also have alters that were knocked dormant due to trauma, who are more traditionally dead in that they are unwilling or unable to front anymore (although they can obviously be revived, it is not a true death, merely dormancy.) When one of the knocked out alters gets brought up, they are plagued with a sense of inadequacy, for having failed and having to be knocked dormant.

Can someone please explain “dead parts” to me? I have been told parts cannot die. And I do not understand how/why a part can be created dead. I’d bet much like to understand this.

Thank you.
Delilah

I always feel like those parts aren't necessarily dead it's just a metaphor visual metaphor and they're actually just deeply disassociated