so tough at-times balancing outward identity/history

it's tough. we have our own unique preferences and trains of thought and we are pretty amazingly agreeable to everyone else in-system
BUT
the outside other-bodied world. inconsistencies 'you sand that you hated that color last week; now you say that you love it.'
'you agreed wholeheartedly to do this thing a month ago; now you don't wanna.'
this life is full of challenges, to be sure. delegating specific interactions to one of us alters at a time is a possibility, but cannot always happen; we get overtired, we need each other to step in. it's okay, but makes us not even want to conversate with otherbodied people because of the inconsistencies they will notice and their subsequent wariness of us as a presented person/identity.
just a vent; i know that someones here will understand.

-- Sat Apr 21, 2018 11:18 pm --

as a whole, to otherbodieds, we come across as insecure, sometimes maybe just going with the flow or being contrary to be a punk, or (most enragingly) 'confused' about our own perceived self-identity since they don't know that we are multiples in one. very frustrating at times; so very.

Hi Lindseysays,

Host says the hardest thing is to act the same all the time so other people won't notice. It's also the stupidest thing for us because that means having to do stuff just because we did it before. I get it though. Things could go really wrong or Host if he's like super inconsistent and people notice.

Iain

Hi !

I can relate a lot :/
The inconsistances are part of the why I break up with my ex-girlfriend. I was the only one who loved her, the others were suspiscious or didn't liked her, and it wasn't easy.
I remember once, it was Alexis who was co-present and the more in control, and she said "could you please stop doing that love/hate thing, I'm really tired of this."

Also, now my mom know about my system, when "I" give an answer which seems weird to her, she wait a day or two and when she's sure it's only me, she asks me again... and usually, I don't even remember she asked "me" that question before.
But when she didn't know about my system, we could went into "passionate" talks (the kind which looks like an argument but is not ) about it, because I didn't remember and she though that I wasn't keeping my word. That's why I told her about us.

We can hide pretty well from people usually, but it starts to be difficult when a person is close to us.

I think that it is important to remember how common it is for a singleton to be inconsistent.

I, for instance, could easily tell you my favorite color is blue - only to tell you it is yellow next week. And if a friend told me this, I would simply think that on that particular day, another color suited them better.

And most people don't like someone 100%. There are things they like and things they don't like about a person. Depending on how I am feeling, I could talk about the positive things about a relationship or the negative things. Each could give a very different impression. If I had a friend do that, I would simply recognize that they were ambivalent about someone.

And it is very normal to want to do something one week and then feel completely different the next.

I'm pointing these things out because it is easy to forget how complex the inner world of a singleton is and it is easy to forget how much in flux the average person can be.

My point is, I wouldn't worry about being perfectly consistent because most people aren't. In fact, if I had a friend who was perfectly consistent, I would find them very odd indeed.

Singeltons aren't consistant too, I'm agree, but to me, it's different than the inconsistances you can find with multiples.

I mean, the general tastes of someone don't change that often. They can evolve, but in general, the basis stays more or less the same and it's a slow process. Suddent changes are rare.
Between alters, that basis can be different. Suddent changes among a system are common depending on who's fronting.

For exemple, if you like only black and white male-like clothings, you'll not suddently say "yes I like it" if someone ask you about a bright pink-and-blue very feminin t-shirt.
Unless, like me, you weren't alone when someone asked you if you like that t-shirt, so now your mom is bringing you a bright pink-and-blue t-shirt she bought for you. You know you'll never going to wear that, she sees it on your face and all of this end by her telling you : "but you told me you liked it, and now you don't ? Gosh, I knew it was weird for you to say that !"

Of course you can like a person then be irritate by them later depending of the context and the person's acts.
But if another alter who don't like them is fronting, it will not be a matter of context and the behavior toward this person will be different.

Those are the inconsistancies people complain about the most (well, in my case at least). Not the common "I changed my mind", but really the suddent changes.

Some of my friends are multiple too, and the differencies between them and my singleton friends are pretty clear :
-> Singleton people can be predictable a lot. I'm rarely confused by them.
-> Unless you know their system well or unless they are experienced and stable enough, multiple people aren't predictable, and it can be confusing as hell.

But that's my opinion only

I agree that singletons are inconsistent, but I also understand what the OP is saying. The entity known as us, has in adulthood been 100% gay. But we have others inside who are not. One of them keeps getting on a straight dating website. If she goes out on a date (against my will, I might add), and runs into a co-worker or longtime friend of ours, it's not easy to go "oh...haha, I guess I'm not gay today!" There are huge things like that where people expect one to have a definite leaning one way or the other. Very occasionally, one of us gets ready for work and will put on makeup. Later in the day I feel self-conscious because we are suddenly wearing makeup when everyone who knows us has never seen us wear it. So it *is* weird and feels inconsistent. Especially if we've said in the past "oh, I never wear makeup." It's one thing for people who don't know us well to notice inconsistencies (because they can chalk it up to not knowing us well), but if you normally never drink, and all your friends know it, it's going to stand out if you suddenly start drinking. And then the next day you act like you never drink. So yes...singletons can be inconsistent...but usually not about major things like sexuality, long-time habits, etc. And yes, I know there are bisexual people or people who don't identify as solely gay or straight. I'm not talking about those folks. I do find it hard, and I find myself not wanting to speak in anything close to absolutes to people around me (even though they're true for me who is in the front) because we as an entity might do something entirely contrary on the next day because I'm not in front. Sigh.

ty for your replies; sorry for taking so long to get back. reading these have really made an impact in a good way.

it gets easier I think.

I remember this being an issue when I was younger and now I could not give less ###$ about it.

OP aren't you on stage sometimes? it might be a bigger issue for you because of exposure to so many people.

my best bud of 15+ years has tried to explain to me that he just accepts the constellation that is me. but for other people, it's hard when you aren't consistently the same you.

but I don't remember much so it's hard for me to get it.

Menagerie wrote:I agree that singletons are inconsistent, but I also understand what the OP is saying. The entity known as us, has in adulthood been 100% gay. But we have others inside who are not. One of them keeps getting on a straight dating website. If she goes out on a date (against my will, I might add), and runs into a co-worker or longtime friend of ours, it's not easy to go "oh...haha, I guess I'm not gay today!" There are huge things like that where people expect one to have a definite leaning one way or the other. Very occasionally, one of us gets ready for work and will put on makeup. Later in the day I feel self-conscious because we are suddenly wearing makeup when everyone who knows us has never seen us wear it. So it *is* weird and feels inconsistent. Especially if we've said in the past "oh, I never wear makeup." It's one thing for people who don't know us well to notice inconsistencies (because they can chalk it up to not knowing us well), but if you normally never drink, and all your friends know it, it's going to stand out if you suddenly start drinking. And then the next day you act like you never drink. So yes...singletons can be inconsistent...but usually not about major things like sexuality, long-time habits, etc. And yes, I know there are bisexual people or people who don't identify as solely gay or straight. I'm not talking about those folks. I do find it hard, and I find myself not wanting to speak in anything close to absolutes to people around me (even though they're true for me who is in the front) because we as an entity might do something entirely contrary on the next day because I'm not in front. Sigh.

This is very relateable; maybe not so-much for sexual orientation, but for gender purposes. we as a system identify as nonbinary; neither male or female, in gender. (sex is not the same as gender, of course.) It gets confusing because one of us is totally unconcerned with anything at all regarding gender identity and could really be termed 'genderless.' Just a happy spirit who has no conditioning from society on how one grnder should or shound not be, etc. another of is is a trans-femme nonbinary. add to this that our physical body is assigned-female (but has intersex traits,) and we are a verifiable sex/gender stew. it can be a LOT to deal with, but we have a good hold on it now because we finally understand why just being a woman never felt right.