New theory? About imagining conversations/situations

Dear fellow strong survivors,

A few weeks ago, I did an, so I thought, alarming discovery; found myself visualising a conversation I would like to have with a certain person I know. Found out I do this a LOT. At first I thought this was about fanatasy, then I thought this is how I 'create parts'; visualise mayby some skills or what not I'd like to have...

And I've read from other people who have DID, that they do this as well. Some call it 'rehersal', some call it fantasy, etc.

But then I discovered I also do this with situations that scare me or stress me out; why would I creáte such in my head?

My brain doesn't do psychosis, so that's not it.

Last night I found the answer; I think!

I was being co-aware of another part dreaming!! If I can think their thoughts, why wouldn't I be able to 'see' their dreams? I'm also awake in a sleeping body, from time to time, sometimes even hear myself snore......

Dreaming is how people process information, stuff that has an impact, stuff they want, fear, etc. Often it's symbolic, that's why it feels like 'imagining'.

What y 'all think?

That's a really interesting theory.

I do the rehersal stuff too. I do it all. the. time. For just about everything, really. It's silly too because stuff almost never ever turns out anywhere near like when I rehearse it. But I think it helps keep me calm. Like talking with our T about stuff, I'll rehearse it a dozen times first, then when we see her, I'm more comfortable to bring up whatever it was. And things go sideways and it's nothing like I planned, but at least I was confident enough to start lol.

I don't know if other parts of my system do the rehearsing too. I don't know if V2 does it, but I'll try and remember to ask her.

We also have a lot of imagery of stuff that would require a trigger warning. Stuff that, like you say, is scary or stressful. I don't know if we've ever stopped to question why. I get it, I'm pretty sure V2 gets it, and I know our previous host did as well. If that is actually from another part or parts, dreaming, that would explain a lot!

Actually... both V2 and I have been getting images in our head lately of Melissa appearing at a session with T. I wonder if that's Melissa either rehearsing it, or dreaming about it. I know she wants to meet our T, but she's shy and mistrustful of grownups... hmmmm.

-Violet (1)

Hi Violet! Thank you for responding! I'm thrilled to read that you find this intresting as well. Thought I was either going totally mad, or I'm truelly on to something:) I wonder why nobody came up with this before? Or maybe I didn't already read enough about this (like, 1000045794270283413403 hours per week, I read about this).

I hear you; rehearsing like crazy and you end up doing something totally different:) But glad it gives you confidence. That's great.

And wow, what if that's indeed Melissa dreaming, you've been receiving. Either way, I think it's a big step forward; I don't know how, but somebody or Melissa herself, is involving her!

I didn't realise it wasn't normal to do this until I left highschool. I spent hours in my room/in the car/classroom/public transport imagining that I was a character inside my favourite TV show at the time, for which I would create complex story lines and loose myself in the intricacies of acting out their lives, preferring to be lost in my imaginings than be social/sleep etc. The more disturbing part of the trend for me is that these characters were always broken, sick, vulnerable, and nearly always pregnant. I still have no idea why. At the same time as these character fantasies, I was also 'rehearsing', although I haven't ever heard this term until today. I do this all the time, and catch my face moving and myself making gestures as I walk through the street imagining conversations I'll need to have/will probably never happen. I find it embarrassing as people see sometimes and I realise how odd it is. I get lost in my head I don't like it at all.

The other thing I/we experience I think is related to your new theory but I'm not sure how specifically. The other kind of imagining we do is worst-case-scenario, but we must get some kind of enjoyment out of it because we do it so consistently? Like imagining a family member will die, us finding out, and again ending up crying walking down the street thinking about how we would react and what would happen. It becomes so real so quickly but I don't know why I let it happen at all. For me, I feel active in these experiences rather than passive, so I don't think it's dreams of the others, my best guess up until now has been that sometimes with trauma survivors the only way for them to really feel is in life/death/very intense situations and by acting out these awful scenarios inside parts are able to remove their blocks to being able to feel and process whatever it is they are trying to deal with (which I suspect would be completely unrelated to the imaginings). But honestly I have no idea.

Thanks for bringing all this up in your post. I have experienced other parts dreaming too and it's quite amazing, only while asleep myself though. It's kind of like the piggybacking experience of being co-con while awake, only you're watching them dream instead of live. I've also heard conversations this way, waking up to them and realising they've been talking while I've been sleeping. I think sleep + DID would make for one of the most interesting studies imaginable.

Interesting topic.

Have you heard of 'maladaptive daydreaming'? It's basically when someone has elaborate daydreams many hours per day.

Here's a video from someone who has experience with it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaxAHwo-kIk

The only thing that bothers me regarding this rehearsing is that I sometimes can't remember whether I spoke to my therapist in my head or actually told the real one. I hate it when people get inside my head like that. I avoid it at all costs because I feel watched by the version I get inside my head. They watch me and tell me what to do, give their opinions about what they see etc, and they influence who I am. It's like a temporary alter but more confusing because I have seemingly the same person to deal with in reality except they aren't the same person. Imagine my therapist visiting and talking to me while I'm perpetually afraid to let her in, but simultaneously do tell those things to the version in my head.

It feels completely isolating to have an intimate bond with a figment of my imagination while I'm avoiding the real deal. I still have my previous therapist in my head and she's been gone for over 4 years. She has no idea at all about me and doesn't really even know me, probably because I've been telling everything to the version in my head all this time and then chickened out. Like a substitute rather than a rehearsal.
Anyone ever see the (very) short film inside? It's basically the same thing. Triggering though. I have to say though that we're personally much less disturbed and chaotic but it's nicely done.

https://youtu.be/0tITzDjPf4g

Rehearsing is very normal, and often very healthy. Not everyone does it but those who don't do it are at a disadvantage in life, because those who do rehearse constructively, those who visualize how they want an interaction to go and work out how to help it go that way, are more likely to get the results they want. There are professional development self help books about how to rehearse.

What is different and weird in DID is that parts of us may do this and other parts of us sometimes may catch some or all of it. And we eavesdroppers may not know if what we are receiving is another part's private planning activity or a memory of an actual event that already happened.

Thank you all very much for responding. I can't reach the mindset I was in when trying to figure this stuff out. This always causes panic and insecureness. But I didn't want to just ignore you guys, so thank you and I will be back when I'm in the right mindset for this again.

Kindest regards

I can really understand this theory, Nathan likes to think of "Scenarios" and mostly over thinks, but ends up right most of the time. I also find times where I do sort of think in my head how a conversation will go and how'd I'd twist it to go a specific way so that I can be alright with the ending if that makes sense. There are moments where I am about to go to sleep and I can hear myself snore which is weird because I can tell I am still awake, there are times where I am sitting and I close my eyes to meditate, but I lose consciousness for about a second and then I am completely refreshed. This is very interesting.

I'm a maladaptive day dreamer. ...or so I think.

All i do is rehearsal and fantasize and pretend when I get a down moment . its so enjoyable. Idk if with me its someone else daydreaming. But sometimes I feel like its a cretive way to talk to one another idk


Everything is theory at this point.