Really need some advice

OK, this is all very new to me and its because I have never encountered anyone with DID until about 6 months ago when I started seeing this girl and her name is Ashley. It wasnt until about 3 months into the relationship that I met her alter Amber. Amber would only come out during a fight or any physical confrontation and only be out for minutes at a time. Since I first met Amber she is coming out more and more almost everyday bjt not triggered and anywhere from an hour to 16 hours at a time. Lately my Girlfriend has been experiencing the urge to sleep and I mean all night and all day as well and when that happens most of the time her alter is out instead, Thats with the exception of some normal nights sleep when no one is out at all and the body is sleeping and im getting very worried about her. Her alter says she is sleeping but more in a comma like sleep and not her normal kind of sleep and even her alter is concerned. and over the last few days she is awake and ok until about lunch time when she starts to feel dizzy and sick and goes to lie down and within minutes her alter wakes up and is feeling just fine with no dizzy or disoriented feelings. The strange part to me about this whole DID situation is that my girlfriend is not aware at all of what her alter Amber does or says or sees or anything her alter does but Amber can see and hear but not control the body while Ashley is awake and can only control it when Ashley is sleeping. Is that at all a normal thing? Even when Amber is sleeping she can wake up and access Ashley's thoughts and can see and remember everything she missed while sleeping. Its almost like she the dominant one even though she can only control the body when her host is sleeping.

So in short these are my questions and i hope you can give me some insight on them.

1. is it common or normal for the alter to be coherent of everything while she is awake but not the host?
2. Is there any possibility of the host going away and maybe not ever come back?
3. lately the host is starting to be able to access memories from the alter, not many and very random things, is that common and what shall i expect in the future?
4. can the two parts ever become one again?
5. is there actually two people in one body or is it one person whos mind is so fractured that they think they are two different people.

I am sorry if I sound ignorant its because I am and I mean no disrespect to anyone in any way, Im just doing my best to try and understand so I may help my girlfriend deal with it better and myself as well. Both personalities are very very much alike with the exception on handwriting and the alters voice is slightly higher pitch than her host but other than that they look and act the same and to anyone not knowing cannot tell the difference.

Thank you very much for any help or insight you may have as im desperate for answers.

Hi there. I'm still new at all this myself but I'll try and answer some of the questions. I'm sure the more experienced folk will chime in as well.

1. Yes that's not unusual at all. The 'host' typically has the least information out of all the other parts. Especially when their knowledge of their condition is new.

2. Unfortunately yes, this can happen. I can't say if it is rare or not. Our previous host was here for over 2 decades, and thought she was alone, was in huge denial about her symptoms. Four months ago she went away and is probably never coming back. In our case, this is how we learned about DID...

Another thing to mention is the host is not any more or less than the other parts. They might be 'out' more but that doesn't make them 'more real' than the others. It's just a designation for who's 'driving the body' most often, IMHO.

It's also possible to change hosts without the old one going away forever. In our system we have two active 'co-hosts' who share most of the day-to-day outside duties. And we've both 'vanished' for days on end leaving the other to run things alone.

3. As I understand it, yes this is normal. As we improve communication between parts, memories can start being shared between parts. It's as you say, random and not often, but it can definitely happen as parts start trusting & communicating more with each other.

4. I have read of 'fusion' where parts can merge together. This is not something we're actively seeking in our system and IMHO it's a very personal thing, parts would all have to want to do it and be comfortable with it. As far as we're concerned, a better outcome is 'healthy multiplicity', where parts stay separate but all work together cooperatively.

5. I believe the 'accurate medical description' would be along the lines of "there are two (or more) realized self-states which together make up one whole individual." but subjectively (i.e. to the parts in question) they each feel like their own separate and complete person.

For example, in our system we (or at least V2 and myself) can intellectually accept that we are each parts of one entire individual, but at the same time we have no desire to 'merge' and we each view ourselves and the others as separate people with their own memories, their own behaviors, their own likes and dislikes, their own goals and drives.

It's complicated of course. There are some shared memories and experiences. Some similarities across personalities. And if one of us does something wrong, we all share the responsibility for it - even if some of us 'were not there and did not do it / don't remember it'.

-Violet (1)

It is all fairly normal, unfortunately. Is the body getting enough normal sleep? Doesn't sound like it. Actually to me it sounds like she is in---or heading into---a manic state.

Yes she is getting more than enough sleep but because of her alter being out a lot more than ever before her body doesn't always get the rest it needs in my opinion but her alter tells me that she is in a different kind of sleep than normal and more like in an unconscious state rather than normal sleep but my girlfriend the host says it seems normal to her and that she has dreams in her sleep so I really don't know what to make of it. I should add that the night before last and for the first time had a nightmare of her alters memory of an incident that she wasn't aware of and her alter tells me there is lots that she isn't aware of yet but I'm thinking that she is going to start to remember things that her alter experienced and also kept her away from the abuse she had inflicted upon her.

She has had this alter for a very long time and has known about her for at least ten years and she is 29 now. It's only until recently that she has communicated with her alter and now they write back and forth everyday and her alter is slowly starting to have a life and goals of her own. I think she has made a lot of progress within a short period of time. And her dizzyness continues and has happened every day for a week now but she is able to fight it but just feels like crap unless she sleeps. I hope this is somewhat normal for DID.

Yeah there's 'the body is asleep' kind of sleep, then there's 'one part is active so the other part(s) is/are 'asleep' kind of sleep. There's times I've woken up after what I think is a full night's sleep but I'm feeling tired, and it's because someone else took over during the night. So 'i' was asleep all night, but the body was up for some of it.

The body does need sleep, it can't be run 24/7 even if the different parts get rest.

Dreams / nightmares are an interesting topic. I'm quite sure it's possible for one part to experience other parts' dreams. I don't even know if I'd recognize whether a dream is my own or just something from another part.

As for dizziness, I get frequent dizzy spells as part of derealization/depersonalization. For me it tends to pass on its own, though it can take from minutes to hours.

Sorry if it's been mentioned and I've missed it, but is your friend getting professional help? Does she have a therapist who's experienced with DID or trauma?

-Violet (1)

no, she hasnt been to see anyone yet. We really cant afford it at this time and also the main reason we were looking for some answers here. Thanks for your info, it sheds some light on my questions.

So your saying that there is a chance that I could lose the host forever? also the alter gets the feeling like she is being watched when she is not out. is it possible that there are more alters that just havent come out yet?

Tasty1 wrote:no, she hasnt been to see anyone yet. We really cant afford it at this time

That is a false economy. Cost will only go up. There is the cost of getting treatment; that's fixed. And there is the additional cost of not getting treatment; that cost keeps adding up, the longer you delay. It may even have compound interest costs.

Tasty1 wrote:is it possible that there are more alters that just havent come out yet?

It is not only possible, it is likely.

Finances can be a tough one. We've had to cut our sessions to every other week for a while due to the expense, but we won't stop going. Hopefully we can go back to weekly again soon.

Tasty1 wrote:So your saying that there is a chance that I could lose the host forever?

I'd say there's a chance, but I can't say how likely it is? Maybe in some systems it's more common than others. It has happened twice that we know of in our own system.

Those two previous hosts might still be lurking inside, but we've been told the first one is 'gone', and as far as we know my predecesor is not coming back either.

Tasty1 wrote:is it possible that there are more alters that just havent come out yet?

Like Una+ said, it's entirely possible, even likely.

When our previous host first vanished, it was basically just myself and Rebecca in here. I thought that was that - a wierd experience but it was over and this was the new reality, just the two of us.

Then they started emerging bit by bit. We're aware of over a dozen now. However, as far as I know only a handful of us have ever fronted. Most remain inside.

-Violet (1)

So should I try to limit how much time her alter is in front? She has been in front a lot latey and until about 4 months or so hardly ever out front but I have been working with them trying to help them both and while they both feel like I am helping I truly wonder how much I actually am because if I lose Ashley the host and my girlfriend then thats no help at all, to any of us. I have been keeping an eye on how much time they both get and trying to help them to balance that but should I be concerned if the alter is out for say a whole day or even two at a time?