How do you take care of your babies?

So, our Oliver is older, and has mostly emotionally damage, not physical, but first we let him talk about it, like you were able to do with sweet pea (and she may need to talk about it more in the future), but then when it was clear that talking wasn’t going to be enough, and he was determined to STAY upset and angry (not sure if he could have decided not to be), then we decided to just do something he wanted to do, while making it clear to him that we wouldn’t FORGET that he was upset.

We ended up putting a small bandaid over our heart and on two of the stuffies hearts, and then we went outside to do things in the yard.

Maybe there is a way you can symbolize her hurt on the outside, so she knows that you GET it, and won’t forget, and then take her to do or see something pleasant—like a walk in nature, or pretty Christmas lights, or whatever you can even glimpse that she might like.

I’m just throwing out ideas while taking a break from skiing, so I don’t know if this is even in the ballpark, but I really want to help her feel better.

me too. I keep playing dear little ones on you tube. she is fascinated by it.

I think the emotion is "betrayal". is that a feelings word?

I went on my lunchbreak and got a special baby snuggle. it's a rabbit blanket with satin trim. very soft. she loved it. and a counting baby book. and a bottle. but like a bigger baby transition bottle. if part of the problem was neglect and having her security items taken as torment then maybe replacing those and realizing that no one can take them away any more will help.

she is really drawn to aelen and Marga I think because of the anger and betrayal. I feel like she's already growing.......? so much anger.

I am going to work on some safe space imagery. I didn't take good care of her when she woke up and that's my fault. I should have done a better job. so I'm going to have to fix that.

maybe I am finally starting to figure out what caused the tailspin.

I like the rocking chair and the band aid ideas. hoping the baby stuff will help but I don't want my outside daughter to see it. too weird. I'll keep it in my room.

she is working on a new name and deciding on things. damn she is upset. all this throws me for a loop too. I had no ######6 idea. and I keep discovering younger and younger parts. more trauma, abuse, and neglect. my personal history is so different from what I thought it was.

I have to get back to ######6 therapy. I know.

I am so sorry. I hope that she notices that everyone, of the Bees and here, is trying to help. we all feel somewhat helpless though...
I get the sense that she is super smart and knows that what you are trying is not enough. it is ok to be honest and admit that it is not enough. but it is something.
we would probably start by asking her for forgiveness. not the easy way. more like using the 5 steps of reconciliation. that is pretty deep work. it can help you to understand her better.

kids are calmed by a sense of connection. that can happen in many ways, but it might be important to check if something hinders connection. as she seems to be pushing you away...
it might be trust that has to grow
it might be justice that needs to find a solution
it might be fear of being taken care of because in the past bad things happened in those situations (Asti is grown and she gets ugly when we touch on that one)
it might be blame, that needs to be redirected toward those whose fault it was
might even be fear of the unknown and she needs more explaining

maybe an imagery could help. we would use the "wall", where you imagine one part on one side, another on the other and a wall in between. by examining the wall, what it is made of, maybe what the material or items it is made of mean... and carefully asking if you are allowed to make changes. to lower the wall or create a window or door or climb over it or whatever fits. it is a slow way to build bridges and identify the relational problem.
you could also turn that around and use the "trench" and ask what you have to throw in to fill it up so it can be crossed. that is more needs-oriented.

I am basically only guessing as well. don't know if there is a helpful thought in it.
but we are thinking of you and have faith in you. you will figure this out.

(my emotion book says betrayal is not a feeling word it is an "analysis of the behavior of others", which is a thought. it hints away from the actual need that is felt in that situation)

Sad baby is hurt, mad baby is hurt. Puppies and hugs for baby.

I think a sense of something you would call betrayal is instinctive/emotional. It can be conditioned by culture or thoughts, but at its core it is the opposite of bonding. Betrayal is ripping a bond.

The body can help us cope with feelings but don't know if it's good for you. Host too disconnected from body and doesn't follow advice. But hurting parts can make feel sleepy and go lay down and we feel the body that becomes sore-feeling on our behalf and it is soothing to us. We rest in the body then feel better later.

BeccaBee wrote:I went on my lunchbreak and got a special baby snuggle. it's a rabbit blanket with satin trim. very soft. she loved it. and a counting baby book. and a bottle. but like a bigger baby transition bottle.

My littles and the ones who take care of them were very happy to read this.

BeccaBee wrote:I have to get back to ######6 therapy. I know.

You are such a strong person to be able to do all this without a T to support you. I couldn't even KNOW about my parts until until I knew I had someone to help me cope with the knowledge, let alone all the other processing that has to happen.

But therapy is also a BIG time and energy sink, and causes lots of stress on its own--I need a lot of support to be able to BE in therapy. So, lots of pros and cons, as you know.

Oh, and my littles want to send love and hugs to sweet pea--but only if that's ok with you and with her.