How often do you switch?

Question.......How often do you switch through out the day? My son switches all day long some times he will stay the host for an hour or so, much of the time he will switch to one of the littles and plays with his younger siblings. But there are days he will switch 30 times a day, just because he can almost like it is a game for him. Once cannot really tell what he is thinking, but there will be nothing abnormal going on per say that it is stress induced.

Another question he will mess with me by telling me that there is another alter, see my reaction, then bust out laughing saying he is just kidding....All the parts will go with it just to see the stress on my face.......I guess for a teenage boy he thinks it is funny as hell to mess with his mother but I have nicely explained to him, more than once that this is not an area to play games.

I just hope through time and maturity that some of these things may settle down some.....any thoughts????

Hi,

So it's not about how many times it's about why you switch. We used to start switching and couldn't stop. That's bad. And sometimes we'd switch into the wrong person at the wrong time like a Little at the airport. Also bad. These days we're trying to switch to reorganize to get things done safely and right. Colin drives because he's the best driver. I handle people because I'm better at it than Host. Host works because he knows that stuff the best. So the real question is does your son switch into more functional or less functional? And do the switched out parts communicate so stuff isn't lost?

Iain

Oh and it makes a difference if people don't know you're switching. That helps.

Many times a day. I think this is called "rapid cycling". Like Iain says, there is always a reason for the switch. We each have different jobs and things we like to do, so a normal day might require about a dozen switches just to get through our regular activities.

As for the mean tricks, I don't know what to say about that because I'm not a parent. Being rude to one's mom is a normal thing for any child. You need to find out how any other mother deals with it.

- Cullen

I’m honestly not sure how often we switch on a day-to-day basis. If we switch a lot, it would explain why I’m tired almost all the time.

The mean trick thing reminds me of my brother. He always treats everything as a joke, even at times when he shouldn’t, because he finds it amusing to himself, but no one he plays his pranks and jokes on finds it funny. But he won’t stop because he finds being serious boring.

IainEtc wrote:Hi,

So it's not about how many times it's about why you switch. We used to start switching and couldn't stop. That's bad. And sometimes we'd switch into the wrong person at the wrong time like a Little at the airport. Also bad. These days we're trying to switch to reorganize to get things done safely and right. So the real question is does your son switch into more functional or less functional? And do the switched out parts communicate so stuff isn't lost?

Iain

Oh and it makes a difference if people don't know you're switching. That helps.

He will switch when he is angry........Like when we were in McDonalds and a lady started honking at us to get out of her way in the drive through lane, like we could move. She started cursing at us, well out came the protector and out of the car he went, he matched her word for word.. I was able to real him in before any damage was done......

Maybe as you said, he will switch and the wrong part with come out, or out of control switching. We have very good days then we have very bad days with internal fighting with the parts. Like on Christmas they, the host and two littles, would not let the older part to come out "the protector" they said he did not deserve it. Hhmmmm I thought I encouraged them to let all parts enjoy the holidays. The littles and Luke, the protector, will fight a great deal and we go through an external verbal fighting war with the parts arguing with each other. So maybe the internal war is showing in an external way each bidding for control???

As far as I know we do not have memory loss, we broke down the walls from the jump.....But they do know how to block each other and will use it for good, such as the older ones blocking the little ones from knowing santa is not real as not to ruin it for them. But Luke did get mad and let the little know as paybacks. But I also know that they will use it for bad as well as one is really mad and block the others as to what is going on and will not allow a switch out......

We work hard on internal corporation and getting long and each helping each other and Hmm I know that some of the switches are more functional for sure. I will have to really pay closer attention to see if more functional or less and help him determine what is best for the situation.

thanks.

Here is a prime example.....Big was out, gave him vitamins that tasted gross, he gags saying how gross it tastes......Bam out comes one of the littles and says "Hi mommy I have not been out all day" He washes down the taste of the vitamins and out comes the host...........Now would one not think that he sent a little out to take care of the nasty taste and when gone he comes back again.......So I ask him and he starts laughing saying yes that is what he did he sent out the little to take care of the nasty taste. Now the little pops out saying Austin is a jerk for doing that.......This is a perfect example of what goes on all day long.

Hi,

When we were just starting figuring this stuff out we didn't know why we switched. We mostly didn't mean to and just did it because of pressure inside. We're safer now and there's less pressure so we have time to figure out when to switch and not be on automatic all the time. Your son my not be meaning to switch and it's just happening because of pressure inside or triggers outside.

Iain

I don't know-it sounds to me like the little was better able to handle the taste. It's pretty icky and distressing to gag on something, especially if someone has sensory issues (I don't know if your son does). Maybe that little isn't as bothered by things like that. And maybe your son doesn't really have as much voluntary control of switching as he wants to think? These are just ideas I thought of--I don't really know anything about it. Also, compassion, cooperation, communication among parts is the goal, right? All that is up to him to manage--you just wanted him to take the vitamins, and he did. As a mom, I would be bothered if switching was used as a way to avoid responsibilities or expectations on the outside.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I don't know-it sounds to me like the little was better able to handle the taste. It's pretty icky and distressing to gag on something, especially if someone has sensory issues (I don't know if your son does). Maybe that little isn't as bothered by things like that. And maybe your son doesn't really have as much voluntary control of switching as he wants to think? These are just ideas I thought of--I don't really know anything about it. Also, compassion, cooperation, communication among parts is the goal, right? All that is up to him to manage--you just wanted him to take the vitamins, and he did. As a mom, I would be bothered if switching was used as a way to avoid responsibilities or expectations on the outside.

Yes he does have sensory issues, but not for taste, not that they found anyways so that could be part of it as as stated prior the pressure, no matter how small it may seem may trigger a switch. Yes I agree the little really did not care about the vitamins. Cooperation and communication are my biggest areas we concentrate on but as much as he says he is control I am starting to think there is a lot more uncontrolled switches than I think. ..............Yes he has used switching to try to get out of things so I have found that we have set chores, responsibilities, and expectations across the board that is the same no matter what to help deter the manipulation that has occurred (as every teenager is so well at doing).

IainEtc wrote:When we were just starting figuring this stuff out we didn't know why we switched. We mostly didn't mean to and just did it because of pressure inside. Your son my not be meaning to switch and it's just happening because of pressure inside or triggers outside.

Maybe he does not have as much control as I think he does and it is more automatic than I think or he thinks..........

Iain

Thanks for all your amazing inputs as we continue down this journey....

I'm new to all of this. My alters are all fuzzy, I can't see them clearly. My T and I created a meeting space for everyone to come to so they could be heard. It's a big round table for everyone to sit at. When I look at the table, I see chaos. Little ones are crawling around, teenagers are trying to pull them back to sit down, other teenagers are angry with crossed arms, there are some who won't come out and sit at the table. It's a mess.

Because of that, I switch all the time. The first thing my T is helping me learn is to decide who drives the car. I've "come to" in the past and didn't know where I was and was lost. Sometimes I realize I've switched many times while driving. It scares me (and everyone inside me) because we're afraid we'll get in a car accident.