Balancing life and therapeutic work

I know people have posted about this, but it's been bothering me a lot lately. There is a lot of energy going toward listening to parts, journaling, taking time to meet their needs, getting insights into how different parts feel and wanting to spend time thinking about those feelings and incorporating them into my full awareness.

But part of having had this dissociative way of coping has meant not living fully and not being able to enjoy activities and connections with people. Now that I've found out about it, I feel like I'm missing more of my life by focusing internally so much--I see that I'm putting less energy toward those external activities that I was pursuing and enjoying before my diagnosis.

I know that the idea is that I will be better able to enjoy things in the future, but in the meantime, I'm avoiding calling old long-distance friends or initiating get-togethers with friends who live here. I'm spending less time practicing music. I'm not doing home organizing projects or weeding the rose garden (which is a relaxing, enjoyable activity for me). I'm not wanting to go see movies. I'm still responding to my (outside) kids' needs, but I'm definitely not thinking about them as much or being proactive about things with them. I'm definitely not sleeping as much.

And none of this is because I'm depressed--it's because my brain is buzzing with all this new awareness and wanting to explore it and let parts express themselves. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing right now that this is similar to being in a new relationship--where other things recede and all you can think about is that person. So maybe it's understandable and unavoidable, and probably a good thing? Am I excited about starting a relationship with myself(ves)?? Way back when I was dating, I certainly never saw this feeling as negative--it was more like a wonderful energy that informed everything I was doing.

Well, I will be thinking about this new way of looking at it. Thanks for reading, and I would love to hear how others have dealt with this phase (I hope it's a phase...).

I wasn't able to balance life and therapy.

I chose to be happy with my stability and postpone therapeutic work. it wasn't an ideal choice, but I couldn't handle both.

I am interested to see others take on it.

I think near the end there, you found a positive way to look at it. i feel like I went through that phase, too. and now I'm back to just living. only it's in an aware state. like awareness of parts. i understand myself(ves) better. things make more sense now. it's easier than it was before.

thegangsallhere,

I am not on the other side of things yet but I know the feeling of being mired in this whole thing. Sometimes I want to take the path BeccaBee has taken but I find myself too unstable. But at the same time maybe just some time away would make it easier to cope?

it seems like some all or none kind of thing, obsessed or neglected.

Ill come back because I forgot what I was going to write.....

Thanks, BeccaBee and Samsland.

It's helpful to hear how other people have dealt with this! It makes sense that it would be a phase and things will likely calm down when the "relationship" with my parts is less new. Of course, there will still be the ups and downs of the relationship with the T, which can take up a lot of time.

But I started therapy because this is a stable time in my life, and I have the support and time to focus on myself and figure things out. I can't really expect it to have no impact on my day-to-day life. I have a feeling that some of the teen parts are the ones who are especially impatient about this and don't want it to interfere with living. (Great, another thing to spend time asking about and figuring out...)

it gets easier when you accept that this therapeutic work IS your life now. they are one and the same, not something to balance between.
this is also one of the hardest things to accept.

birdsong87 wrote:it gets easier when you accept that this therapeutic work IS your life now. they are one and the same, not something to balance between.
this is also one of the hardest things to accept.

Well, all the parts have things that they love to do, some of which we mutually enjoy. I'm not exactly sure how you mean that the "therapeutic work IS your life now." I've got my relationships with my husband and children, friends, and people at work; my performance activities, my job, doing some kind of fun exercise every day, taking care of the three cats and the dog, chores in the yard and the house, errands, meals. That is what I think of as my life, only now there is a lot going on on the inside that I need and want to be focused on.

So I think there has to be a balance between the internal workings of my mind and my activities on the outside. I guess using the word "life" was too broad.

for us it is helpful to go for an integrated thinking, that all the things we do for us is part of that busy life as well. we will be doing this for a long time. we can just as well accept that and find room for it in our life. but i get what you mean.
the only solution we found is to be super intentional with what we do. spend good quality time on system work, good quality time with people and other outside tasks. being mindful and intentional seems to make small things bigger. so when we have to split our time and attention between so many, we at least got the most out of the experience.

I actually spoke about this with my therapist last week. She said that maybe I could think about therapy not being "one" thing, but rather a process to continually come back to. So, maybe I'll do a part now. And then maybe I'll do other parts at different points in my life.

Maybe this isn't quite what you meant, but it is some food for thought. It is okay to take breaks, or at least to go at the pace you feel is reasonable / sustainable for you. Often, especially with DID, therapy is more like a marathon than a race.

OMG! It's totally like a new relationship! Which is lots of fun except when Host gets tired of the whole thing and just wants us to stop or hold our breath or something. Except we can't stop it just maybe go off somewhere else which we can do but kind of s*cks. Then pretty soon Host feels like his whole life is like mushy and super dull and wants us back. Then it's like "Make up your mind won't you!!!"

Cody

Hi TheGang...

It used to be so confusing for everybody until Host figured out how to find places for us in his usual life. It wasn't easy and we still mess up a lot but it really helps. I remember when I first started showing up at work and Host was like "I suddenly have people-skills???" After that we've been working on how to help Host with stuff. Doesn't always work though.

Iain

IainEtc wrote: I remember when I first started showing up at work and Host was like "I suddenly have people-skills???" After that we've been working on how to help Host with stuff. Doesn't always work though.

Iain

Lol! Sh*t yes!!

Like the new relationship comparison too, only with us it was less fun and involved volleying between obsession to work everything out immediately if not sooner to FIX everything and tantrums of frustration and the utter doldrums of incapacitating "stuckness" - so perhaps more like a totally smitten teenager caught in a misunderstood and bizzare love triangle.
-Maverick