new part

How do you learn about one of your parts that is new? I have one that comes out a lot but neither me nor my therapist really knows how old this part is, what it holds, what it's purpose is, etc. Learning about my system is all very new to me, and the parts I DO know are pretty distinct...but this one is boggling me and it's really frustrating.

Does anyone have any experience or advice about this?

Hi Oceanwaves (neat name)

Sometimes parts don't know they should communicate with you because they don't know you're there just like you didn't know they were there. I didn't know I was multiple for FOREVER! Our T figured it out because I showed up in a session one day and she helped me understand about Host and the others. It was really freaky! I was DID and an ALTER! Blew my mind! Totally!

Cody

Hi Oceanwaves,

Perhaps other parts know about this part and you can find out things in that way. We have an internal self helper (ISH) who knows a lot about the system. He doesn't tell us everything because some things I need to find out on my own, but he helps with some clues or ways to connect and sometimes tells some details about the part.

Warmly,
Berta

How do I communicate with it though?

Sorry, I'm very new to all of this.

I'm pretty new to all this also, and I started out thinking that just because I knew that there were parts, then I would shortly be finding out all about them. It hasn't worked that way. Things are hidden and very murky, and finding things out doesn't necessarily happen on my timetable because that might not be what other parts want or need right now. That particular part that you're curious about might not even know the answers to those questions, or if it does, it might not want to tell you (and there might be good reasons for that at this point).

But to answer your specific question, the ways that I communicate with parts are by talking to them in my head (or out loud sometimes, especially to the little ones, who seemed soothed by an actual voice), or by writing in a journal. I will write questions, often as nonspecific as "does anyone have anything they want to tell me?" or I'll talk about the feelings I'm sensing, such as "someone is really sad about x. Do you want to tell me about it?" More and more of them have been responding. Sometimes I find that even if I'm just thinking about writing something or telling my T something, parts will express themselves and I'll find out more about them that way.

This part talks to my therapist...or doesn't talk actually. She's mute...for now at least. She answers T's questions though with a nod or shake of the head. But when I (Adult Self) tries to ask it questions...I get nothing. Well, I have gotten a little piece. That she's scared. But maybe this part doesn't trust or like Adult Self? Grr, this is frustrating.

OceanWaves wrote:Grr, this is frustrating.

Been there, felt that. Frequently.

I've found that it helps to stop focusing on it for a bit and just proceed with the life I was living before I knew about the parts. Every once in awhile you can send soothing thoughts and feelings to the scared girl, or try getting her a stuffed animal, or a special blanket, or something else that you might remember as being comforting when you were younger. I think it's great that she is willing to communicate with your T--that sounds like progress to me!

Just some thoughts, but some alters are confused and, if mute, can't ask helpful questions. It has helped us to tell younger alters where, when and who we are. Even if we've said it before to them, we repeat it.

Some haven't been aware, or at least not 100% aware who our T is, what street we happen to be on, that the rooms they're looking at is our house now. We explain that "John grew up and moved far away" and we all came with him. We make sure to include that we're all safe now, no bad people are here. We tell them who died.

Hi OceanWaves,
It can be very confusing and frustrating when communication is limited especially when you have a feeling that this girl may not like you. Have you tried creating a home in your mind where you all live and each one can have their own space just the way they like it (within reason). It needs to be positive and as healthy as you all can manage. If you create a space in your mental house, a bedroom/playroom for this girl and help her to feel safe, she may be able to open up to you. My two Little’s share a room. They have colouring stuff, toys and all of the adults, especially Angel look after them. They know they are safe now. That doesn’t make everything perfect, but it does help to lessen the frustration and with giving love to these precious little people. I hope this helps.