will this ever end?

yesterday was a very long day. we have been crying off and on and don't really know why. At one point, just as we'd left the pharmacy, we experienced a short episode of very strange dissociation during which we felt light-headed and far more floaty than we usually do. It happened very suddenly and lasted perhaps five minutes. We felt very disconnected with the world around us.

We don't know why we have been crying so frequently. It seems to come in waves quite randomly. Yesterday when we walked to the walk-in clinic we had to pass near where our primary abuser lives which increased our anxiety level significantly. When we were finished at the clinic we had to walk through our childhood neighbourhood while on our way to the pharmacy which made us even more anxious, so much so we could not bring ourselves to walk past our childhood home. This has never happened before and was very unexpected and disturbing. We do not know why.

Went to bed early, mostly in an attempt to forestall the urges to self-harm. We slept for maybe ten hours, the most we have slept for in days. Woke up crying. feeling pretty desolate. can't concentrate, everything looks and sounds strange. will likely be going to the suicide prevention walk in centre

you know, it sounds like a normal reaction to me...
we have not been in the village we grew up in in years.
even hearing our old address triggers badly.
if I imagine that I had to go back there or close to it, and seek help there, in a clinic or pharmacy or anything... that would be very confusing to me. it would not feel safe and i bet i would dissociate.

i have been crying a lot today too. not sure if its the season or something else.
please stay safe. use that prevention center when you feel like you need it. be around people.
and come back here and let us know how things are going!

it has been a few really difficult days for us. We are emotionally exhausted but are somehow functioning, who knows why. We went to the Wellness Centre this morning, then to a psychiatry appointment, and finally to see our crisis counsellor at CMHA.

We are not in a good state, to be honest. We are floaty, fuzzy, and sort of lightly nauseous and somewhat fearful. Too much has happened too short a period.