An alters friend and their relationship.

There is this girl in the real world who was best friends with a few of our alters.. From memory I believe she knew 3 of us well.

Long story short, i havent spoken to this girl for almost a year.

A year ago she had a fight with us over something stupid, and "I" decided a friendship with this girl was no longer in our best interests, and I cut her off.

She's still messaging me, saying she misses "me" terribly. She knows I have DID and I've explained that her friends aren't here atm. I told her she upset them for the last time and I have taken over to steer us in a different direction.

She sends me messages saying how much she misses me and I don't know what to do. I cant help but feel sorry for her. I've wondered whether I could maybe 'pretend' to be one of the alters she knows and turn up just for a coffee or something but I honestly don't think I could pull it off or sit through a catch up with her without saying something mean or rude. I don't like her.

I'm also worried thess alters will reappear (they always do, eventually) and will be super hurt that I've done this.. but if that happens I think this girl would forgive them.

Anyway, how do you handle your alters friends, especially the ones you can't stand?

Is there some kind of body share system you've agreed upon? I personally dont have many friends because i don't like people in general but I have some very social alters who would feel lonely in these isolating circumstances..

Ideas?

whose needs are you trying to meet?

would your alters needs be met if you met with their friend?

we are always very careful with this "needs" issue. and if we feel like someone just wants to meet any of us to meet their own need, we don't do it.

Hi,

Sometimes Host makes 'adult' decisions about staying away from people. I hate it but I'm not good at picking people because I'm only 14 and kind of messed up sometimes. I pick the wrong people or don't think about what will happen next or how it looks. Host has been mostly right so I mostly trust him about it.

It's all about why you decide to stay away. I mean is it because you're uncomfortable or are you trying to help the whole system? Makes a difference.

Iain

birdsong87 wrote:whose needs are you trying to meet?

would your alters needs be met if you met with their friend?

we are always very careful with this "needs" issue. and if we feel like someone just wants to meet any of us to meet their own need, we don't do it.

Agreed. Brockovich, we find your "friend"'s insistent messages disturbing.

MDs

Hi Brockovich

We have a few issues with friends. We don't have many friends. We had one who was friends with M and W who used to front all the time and haven't been around for ages - the friend doesn't bother us much but I have no interest in keeping the relationship going, if either M or W want to if they re-appear at some point then it will be up to them. She did visit recently and we (us) ended up with this weird kind of somebody inside dictating what we should ask for example if the conversation lulled someone would prompt - Ask her how her mum is? or Nod your head Worked quite well until she reciprocated with the mother question, M would have talked about the mother in some detail, all we could muster up was 'she's old'. It wasn't an easy afternoon, would not recommend it.

We had another friend who the littles got very attached to. This person was not good for them and so the adults stepped in and ended the friendship. This is hard there is some sadness and concern that the friend was upset when we ended the relationship but we have all accepted that it was the right thing to do. Lots of reassurance to the littles needed that the ex-friend is a grown up and is ok. That she didn't treat us very well so we are not responsible for her feelings.