How exactly are your little ones cared for?

Our littles are, for the most part, housed in Castle Sanctuary, our 'safe space', which is a fluid creation which changes depending on need. Pixie looks after the littles, as she is the only one of us who is generally happy and loves to be helpful, by holding them and giving them hugs. On the outside we provide them with juice boxes, crackers, their favourite Disney movies and cartoons. Also, internal (and when needed, external) dialogue can be comforting, and in fact, according to our therapist, is crucial and necessary.

The minors in our system are all organized into sibling groups. Older siblings care for younger siblings.

Of course, some people are better at this than others, so there has to be some flexibility in assignment. We have a group of helper teens called The Babysitters, and they oversee this function from a strategic level.

MDs

Hi Teri,

My son 13, the core, has an alter who thinks he is slightly older and a little one about 4, he is a slider......But "Luke" the older one has seem to really take on the caring role of the little. At first they hated each other and would fight non stop. Luke went after the little imaginary friend and the little would destroy Luke's room, in their world. Luke even tied the little to the refrigerator, don't ask. But we had a long talk, like you all are brothers and need to get along period. You all share the same body and mind and this internal fighting just is not going to get it. So at first the core created a VPK room for the little while he was at school. While my son Austin, core, was getting ready for school, Luke would get the little ready. Now Luke and the little get a long pretty good and Luke has really taken on the caring older brother role and cares for the little, sometimes disciplining him. But he also goes to the VPK school teacher and take care of things that little Austin has done in VPK. He feeds little Austin and puts him to bed. The little does the same thing my son did at his age, I am reliving toddler years all over again in certain moments.

So from the outside looking in I just treat it as a family of boys and make sure I create an environment that creates them to get along rather than fight. Sometimes I do have to talk to Luke as he sometimes takes the role "to adult like" and spank little Austin. Then little Austin will try to hit him. So really no different then reeling in a family of different age boys.

PS one thing I do is when my son eats I make sure that they all are eating, like all pay attention you are eating. There is a difference of physically eating and internal eating. I have found that one part will eat then another part will want to eat, I am like no you just ate, you all have the same stomach. So I make it a point to make sure when they are physically eating that all hear me and respond that they are paying attention.

But it is a big difference between mom and client, does not matter what part is out, I am mom and that part is my son and treat them as such. I have the privilege of observing, analyzing, changing my approach, 24/7 rather than one hr a week.

It really is a fast learning curve.

I would say it depends on the needs of those involved and the relationship between the internal world and what manifests in the external. One Example - we have a little who looked after another little. This all related to bed wetting being handled badly. The adults would not acknowledge the little concerned finding even looking at her on the inside world too disgusting - being frightened of what they would find. Once the older people started to acknowledge that the little person with this problem existed and that it had manifested itself in sleep disturbances and the need to wear a towel in case of 'accidents' even though 'accidents' never happened. This basically happened by the T being open to the littles and once they started to voice her distress to the T the adults listened - had to work out how to look after the littles concerned.

The fear needed to be addressed In the external world due to the distressing behaviour that was being experienced by everybody. We now have a plastic sheet on the bed (a modern one that feels soft as a normal sheet) if on days when the little is worried about having accidents we have to wear a towel we accept that this is ok and contest the voice that says it is ridiculous. We bought a washing machine - one of our adults is very eco friendly and we were not allowed a washing machine - this was making things worse for the little as they were worried about being smelly and staying clean. Now we are all beginning to learn the importance of basic self care. Sorry that might have been a bit of a ramble but the thing is just getting to realise this has taken months....our T has never pushed, she has always just reenforced that it is safe to tell her anything (with professional safeguarding) and that no one will be rejected. Enabling the littles to voice their fears not by pushing but just by the T accepting and being there has meant things that had not been spoken have come out and internal communication has improved.

We can imagine things on the inside to make things better i.e. providing safe spaces etc and for us it seems to be a balance between what is acceptable/doable on the inside that can also be reflected on the outside. For instance we can imagine our safe inside space but on the outside we have practical things to do if things are difficult = on the inside we can visualise a cottage in one of our favourite places with safe people - on the outside we have real stuffed toys that belong to different people and grounding techniques written on a poster in favourite colours with favourite pictures on it (unicorn and sweat pea flowers) this helps make the outside space safer when someone is scared.

The adults are having to accept that our home looks more like a nursery school at the moment whilst some internal repair work is being done (my take on things not my T's).

Sorry I could have gone on endlessly - we do talk too much.