abandoned by others

okay, so right now I have a weird situation. I am the only one that wants to be out front (no host, just everyone taking turns - usually!) It's okay for work since I am the one that has to handle that part of life, but afterwards it's like everyone else has disappeared into their own little space and refuses to come out. I need a break!! I think it has to do a lot with our support system not being actually all that supportive right now. It's like when I (Lisa) am around everyone is happy and "oh your feeling better!" kind of thing, maybe because I am the "normal" one (have a job, adult, responsible,etc.) They know about my DID but it's like they kind of think of it as a "problem" that I am working on and getting therapy for and when I am out front I am obviously getting a grip on solving said problem. When one of the others is out, it's like "oops, I see your having a bad day"...even had someone send me a card telling me they hoped I was "feeling better soon"!! We all know deep down they do love us and would be there if there was a problem in a moment's notice (one couple spent 8 hours in the ER with the little one not long ago, holding his hand and calling him by name- explaining things to the nurse,etc) but for the every day just need people in my life? Not so much. So...here I am trying to be out front all the time. Except what is happening is that I am getting exhausted so I find myself basically mentally shutting down. I sat this morning on the couch and stared at nothing for almost an hour. It was like I was inside my head going "come on, get up and get ready to go" but my body refused to cooperate!

I just want to let you know I can kind of relate. I'm sure you do realize how incredibly fortunate you are to have people close to you who will care for a little when they're in need. It doesn't help what's going on now but the curse of trauma-phobic or trauma-avoidant alters like you (and our two work alters) is that they don't get as much support as they really need because they don't seem to need as much support.

I will drop anything almost if one of my adopted son's alters is out and needs anything but I find I'm less accommodating with his older alters, even though I know intellectually they're all the same person. The older ones don't ask for help in the same open way and they don't accept help as fully as the littles and middles, who trust me way more.

That mental shutdown is real, for sure. I (Lindsey) generally handle our social obilgations when they involve groups of people... and i do not get tired, but our body itself (physical) sure does. it can frustrate me because i wanna keep going, but we get that feeling that you described; that Need to sit and rest/stop taking-in stimulation, etc.

that time... it can feel like we don't experience things like love/care for people that we know that we truly love/care for... it's like not being able to get in the mood because our moods need rest. rest does help. it seems that being in a more-rested state (however you like to rest) is helpful here; we also really keep in mind that this Will pass.

For me it seems like it's maybe a combination of physical and mental - but really mostly mental fatigue. I just can't stay present for so long!! Not being able to get anyone to come out and help right now is really frustrating. Anjyl (teen, protector) does for driving sometimes when I basically am at the point where I will zone out and drive off the road, but that's it. I don't know why they are being so withdrawn...maybe because I am so tired mentally that it is impacting them somehow? Like I am leaking my exhaustion to them? Maybe it is because I have to be present for so much that they just don't know how to step in. I don't know. I've never been here before - having all of these responsibilities for social engagement and such. I don't see it getting better. I am having a hard time hoping. Thanks, Lindsey, for saying it will pass. I know that, but sometimes I need to hear it.

im in the process of becomeing host now and it's exhausting to stay present and in front for so long. It's rough but from what I remember about being host for a bit in middle school, it gets easier when your mind adjusts. I find that taking a nap every day you can helps a lot...

On getting them to come out, well try writing to them and asking what's wrong and why they're so withdrawn. They may not reply immediately but keep in mind, you're stuck with them. They're your family and you all share the same brain, so exsation is felt by the whole brain so if you're exhausted they probably are feeling it too. It seems like you need a rest. Maybe a vacation. At the very least, take a nap. They're not just for kids and sleep is the remedy for exhaustion.

Thanks, ThatPerson. I think that's where we are really struggling. No one has ever been the Host before...everyone just took turns because there wasnt anything that had to be handled by any one of us really for any length of time - no job, no social obligations, etc. Even in school it was just whoever was there (which explains being in Special Ed!) We've pretty much just lived alone or in hospitals / residential facilities until recently This is new...having an "adult" life with all of the things that go with it. I think I like the nap idea