New here and new memories

Just a brief introduction of myself. New here, suffered with Dissociative Identity Disorder since abuse at two years old. Primary symptom has been Dissociative Amnesia, due to primary abuse which was mind control for nearly 4 decades. The mind control included sexual torture, other tortures, multiple types of mind control used for decades. The mind control was arranged by my abusive mother because I couldn't lie about the rape by my grandfather. My mother told me years ago she had Psychopathy, though lies about her mental health to everyone. She is a Pathological Liar and Narcissistic Abuser, as is my older sister. Survivor of rape, mind control, sexual torture, other tortures, incest, stalking, physical abuse. Just went No Contact with abusers late last year. But not much has changed.

Memory is now working normally after over 2 decades of working on getting my memories back with the help of therapists, mental health clinicians, social workers, nurses, psych nurses, other survivors, support groups, support websites, and friends.

In recovery now, but still stalked by my abusers for life and their network of friends. It isolates me, because they prefer to hurt my reputation and make it difficult for friends to not be socially bullied by those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder who won't seek treatment. They also tend to stalk me online, on every sight eventually. And they tend to try to get close to me online sometimes, and try to lie and be my friends online. So I always have to be on guard. That is why I am new here.

Please don't be offended if we don't get too close. I tend to take time trusting people, and make a wide circle of friends, rather than close friends, for my safety. I mean no offense, truly.

Also, I was born with Asperger Syndrome, but again, have been in recovery of that for a very long time due to getting help from amazing people. But, because of the stress my abusers now cause me I can at rare times be too blunt or too stressed out. No besties while being stalked, means more stress for me. And I don't own a phone, very poor, so I have no way to call any crisis hotlines. Also, how do you dump your life stress on the good people you do know aren't stalking you when the reason why they are such good people is because they work so hard in life?

So, yeah. Stalking victim off and on for life. Right now, in the on stage. A girl in my city was just killed by a person she tried to get a protection order on a year ago, in a murder/suicide thing. So just really scared for my future, or lack thereof, lol. Yeah, I have a really dark sense of humor. I'm a practical person, and I know my upcoming years aren't going to be great. I'm already homeless because of my abusers manipulation and abuse, and I can't get law enforcement to care or protect me. So, yeah. Domestic Violence survivor last year, and was stalked at the only domestic violence shelter in my city. So, yeah...

But, I guess on the plus side, I remembered today the many types of mind control programs that were used on me with solid, clear, full memories with full conversations. So, I guess that's good. Not that anyone in my city wants to care. It's a pretty smallish city, that centers around gossip and normalcy. If you're not normal, or not normal life stress, it has to only be due to your mental health or your life failures. Yeah...it's a very conservative city. Dissociative Identity Disorder isn't even diagnosed here for poor people in the resources that are available. If someday I have the time, I have to call around to see if I can get treatment elsewhere pro bono. That would be the only way, now. Our resources for the poor have totally changed. They are no longer paid for by the state. It's part private funding that used to only treat drug and alcohol addiction. And part religiously funded, that used to only treat those who were religious. And when I say used to, I mean like just a few years ago.

Yeah, we are that messed up here. They don't even diagnose Fibromyalgia in non senior citizens in my city anymore, and my city is the capitol of my state. No joke. I was lucky to get diagnosed with Fibromyalgia years ago, right before the last doctor who diagnosed here pulled out and denied care. Now to get diagnosed with Fibromyalgia as a non senior citizen you have to go to the only other bigger city in the state and hope against hope. Nothing against senior citizens, though. Lovely people and I miss having friends who are older who aren't friends with my abusive mother.

Just miss my old support websites, where I knew people weren't stalking me. But was manipulated by police to delete them during a hack that they really didn't care to help me with. "Too busy with child porn." Riiiiight. When there is a known pedophile just a few blocks down, and I can point to his house and we all know it who are survivors. And we've all heard about his exploits for decades, with survivors coming forward, and still no police help for survivors. Because he's connected and published. Yeah, that's my city. Always has been, always will be.

So, I don't face much of a future. And there's more. There's always more with Dissociative Amnesia and my family. But that's for another day. Or another law enforcement agency. I wish, lol. God, the local Feebs are exactly the same here. Loyal to the state gov't and only the state on some things. I know this from my crappy research that is my life.

Anyway, life sucks and then you don't die. And that's supposed to be a good thing, even when you keep losing friends and you can't trust who comments until you've spent a lot of months on a sight unlike others. My wish for my life? Just to be able to have one day where I could know you haven't seen the $#%^ on the dark net of my hacking. Sorry, there's always more. So much, much more. I needed someplace to dump today. I don't have anyone right now. Ended up in a stupid arrangement with a Narcissistic abuser who is friends with my mother, just to get off the street during the winter so I didn't die. Because the shelter for domestic violence was only for six weeks, and I can't get anyone else to care because my life is so stressful for others. It's the only life I know. I would have fled the state if I had a chance. I still will if I get the chance. But with a lot of health problems, I seem too high maintenance for other people. That just adds to the problem.

So, that's my life. It sucks butt. Wait to be abused again, that's about it. And not be able to get anyone to believe me or help me much.

Sorry to bring anyone down. But criminal networks suck. Protect yourself online. Isn't that what you want to hear, that there's light for you in your life? Sorry, the technology to protect us online isn't here in my country yet. It is in the UK and Europe. But we still can't lawmakers here to agree on hacking, if it's a problem or not. And we can't get lawmakers here to agree on stalking if it needs protecting or not. And I've tried everything, every tool. Ironically, used to work in IT as a system admin. Lol, I kid you not.

Life's full of irony.

Peace out.

Welcome to here. We're sorry that you've been through all of that.

We understand not wanting to get too close to people.

MDs