perpetuo27 wrote:i think that even if certain images are not real, the feelings behind them are. but my concern is partly also due to the fact my mom's sister falsely accused my grandpa of abusing her when it never happened. what did happen was consensual between her and my now deceased uncle (they were step siblings and young teens). before my uncle died, he told my mom what the truth was. my mom's sister either had it confused because she went through trauma (accidentally ran over her two-year-old daughter who died) or didn't want to admit the truth because it was more taboo. so, she ruined my grandpa's life basically because she didn't allow her kids to visit, and she would only talk to my grandma over the years, but rarely. so, it's things like that that really have me on edge with memories even though who i know hurt me (to a degree), none of them are in my life and thankfully were not family (not blood related anyway).
but overall, i know the feelings are real, just not so much the images at times.
Oh, I understand your concern. It's a valid concern.
One of the things I read about memories and "confrontation" is to understand the reasons for confronting a perpetrator. Why? Because many times an abuser will not say "yes I did it", will not say either: "I'm sorry". So it's important to understand why confronting an abuser. To search for validation? which they might not give, or to back up ourselves, and tell them "I know what you did, and I will not stay silent. I am empowered." There may be other reasons. To prevent someone else to being hurt, etc.
So in your case, memories don't have to be used for confronting someone else, but to help process and validate the feelings you have regarding somethings.
Sea
Taking myself some time away from PF. Sea (Dec, 2016)