real versus unreal memories *may be triggering*

i think a lot of us have probably struggled with not knowing what are real memories and what are not. how mine started coming back to me was bits and pieces that would randomly come into my head, take the breath out of me, and fill me with fear. some felt familiar.

***Potential trigger***



my concern right now is bits and pieces of things coming into my mind the last few days that are more confusing. i have been over tired and not actively actually trying to remember anything..the dissociation was very bad for weeks until yesterday where i finally had one day without it.....and these random things have come into my head of childhood things with a friend. i can remember one time she told me a secret i wasn't supposed to tell anyone. no idea if that was something bad or not. i don't remember what it was.

she was quite manipulative even at five, six, seven years old, etc. she told me i couldn't be her friend if i was friend's with this one girl. she did do things to me abuse (s*xually) at one point, would sometimes pinch me (if i was going up the stairs of the slide at school too slow or other things too slow), and other things. she was the type who wanted attention whether it was from others her age or adults and would do anything to get it.

when i told her about something that happened with a neighbor boy that was not okay, she told me to dress up sexy for him (i was about seven) instead of what you would think a child that age might do and say to tell a parent. i stayed friends with her (we moved away twice, once to where she also moved to and then away from where she lived) until i was 14 or 15 or so.

i did not like her as a person as we got older and started to really actually despise her..and i always thought it was just related to how she was a person..until these random things started coming into my head this year involving her..but nothing clear...and i can't ask her either because i could be really, really wrong...and even if something did happen with us together when we were young, i don't think she would remember.

so, how do you know when a memory is real versus not if it hits you with a similar fear you have had from ones that you know are real? it is very confusing, and i would never want to make things up. do you try to just ignore it and hope it goes away?

*Sigh*

This is where I'm at right now..

My therapist tells me all the time that whether it's real or not is irrelevant, because it's real to you.


But, if it's any comfort it happened to me exactly how it did for you.

Update if anything changes if you can, it would be helpful to me.

If you want I can do the same.

~Kayden

It is impossible to tell a real from a fake memory, the brain itself makes no distinction, in fact the brain can't even distinguish between the imagined and reality, responding with just as much to either. The only way to confirm a memory is to corroborate.

I had this problem before as well, and then I started text based roleplay, and in doing so allowed outsiders to interact with our inner world. Be careful with that, because the brain treats that as if it were real, and it can cause trauma as quickly as reality can. The point of that is to say the text based interaction is treated as reality, so will all memories, whether real or imagined. There is no way to tell the difference because the brain believes them all, and as a result may or may not be traumatized. The important part is not the memories valididty, because if it caused trauma, it's valid to your mind. Rather than trying to descern the source of the memory, deal with the trauma associated, because whether or not it happened in real life, the trauma must be mended.

I've had this problem as well. The only way I've uncovered that some memories I had were unreal was by asking someone who was involved in the memory if it happened. I have a lot of false memories and it wouldn't surprise me if I have a lot more.

I also do text based roleplay and only once did I do one that involved our inner system. Never again since that really upset everyone, especially Cynthia. But the other text based roleplay I've done has not involved the inner world at all.

for me I rely on what sticks around. If something keeps coming up time and again over months and years I assume that the basis of its right even if the details aren't.
If it comes up but gets dropped I assume it's not a real memory.

thanks for all your replies.

i think the issue i have when certain things come into my head (not a lot really does anymore image wise related to trauma) is the fear associated to it.

i have times where there are random images flying around in my head (not traumatic) and words, etc. and can ignore them because there are no feelings really attached to them.

the mind is strange..that is all i know.

regarding my friend, i cannot have her corroborate anything because we have not talked in years, and i wouldn't feel comfortable messaging her and just randomly asking anything.

but in general, other things i do remember have been corroborated by family, things they were also there for anyway.

i guess i'll just keep trying to ignore these recent things and if it keeps coming up then figure something else out or something.

perpetuo27 wrote:i guess i'll just keep trying to ignore these recent things and if it keeps coming up then figure something else out or something.

Why ignore them? How about if you work with them?

I believe images of memories (whether "real" or not) are a way of something inside yourself (whether an alter, your subconscious or unconscious mind, or even your soul or higher self) to communicate with the most conscious part of you.

So these images can be useful to healing or understanding.

How about if you draw them if you like drawing? Or make a story and tell a taler? Or how about if you talk about them with your T? Or write about how you feel and explore the feelings? Or you lack of them if you don't have them?

I would encourage you to use them, might be useful.

Sea

Seangel wrote:

perpetuo27 wrote:i guess i'll just keep trying to ignore these recent things and if it keeps coming up then figure something else out or something.

Why ignore them? How about if you work with them?

I believe images of memories (whether "real" or not) are a way of something inside yourself (whether an alter, your subconscious or unconscious mind, or even your soul or higher self) to communicate with the most conscious part of you.

So these images can be useful to healing or understanding.

How about if you draw them if you like drawing? Or make a story and tell a taler? Or how about if you talk about them with your T? Or write about how you feel and explore the feelings? Or you lack of them if you don't have them?

I would encourage you to use them, might be useful.

Sea

i think that even if certain images are not real, the feelings behind them are. but my concern is partly also due to the fact my mom's sister falsely accused my grandpa of abusing her when it never happened. what did happen was consensual between her and my now deceased uncle (they were step siblings and young teens). before my uncle died, he told my mom what the truth was. my mom's sister either had it confused because she went through trauma (accidentally ran over her two-year-old daughter who died) or didn't want to admit the truth because it was more taboo. so, she ruined my grandpa's life basically because she didn't allow her kids to visit, and she would only talk to my grandma over the years, but rarely. so, it's things like that that really have me on edge with memories even though who i know hurt me (to a degree), none of them are in my life and thankfully were not family (not blood related anyway).

but overall, i know the feelings are real, just not so much the images at times.

I'm so confused...

What does corroborate mean? And what is text based role play??


I'm so lost guys..