for the protectors [venting and advice]

I'm a young protector too

*Morgana

It is irritating when they insist on doing stupid things that are unsafe.

Z

NyxX wrote:It is irritating when they insist on doing stupid things that are unsafe.

Z

Or like insisting on doing something or going into a situation that's gonna be like totally not cool for us. "but it's something I have to do"
Yeah, and stopping you from doing something stupid is something _I_ have to do, too!

{\Pixie/}

Ok so like I need some advice here, I know Zor will see this but he's got a hint of it already...

I got some information recently about something regarding like childhood and what happened to us. Only three of us know what happened and suffered from it directly at times- and we've never told Zor... but he's been asking questions and stuff, and he is kinda close to like getting stuff I haven't wanted to share or tell him...

And one of the ppl he talked to, his mom, sent me some information for us... to me cuz it's private and safe... and he said she could if she wanted to like tell me without like his wife seeing it before he did or so they could like talk about it... and I saw it, and it's basically gonna confirm his suspicions of who (we didn't have a name but I had an idea of the person and it is who I thought)... and will lead to "what did this person do?" kinda stuff... and IDK that I wanna get into that, telling him and like opening old wounds for Angel and I... and like letting Zor suffer that like we did....

Help... Please.

{\Pixie/}

Hello {\Pixie/},

I am not a protector, I apologize if I should not be writing here. Among other things, I control information in our system.

Were I in your position, my decision would be based on whether or not I felt the others had a need to know rather than merely a desire to know, and whether or not I felt that knowing would cause them, and consequntly the system at large, any immediate problems or damage.

The Violets have asked me a great many questions over the past 12 months, and I have kept much from them, because it was either dangerous for them to know, or it was unnecessary for them to know.

I also feel it is safer for them to learn things at their own pace. If they arrive at the correct answer on their own, or uncover some historical information on their own, to me that is an indication that they were ready to learn it. Whereas simply handing it to them when they ask, can be more dangerous.

For your system, if you are the arbiter of this information then only you can know whether or not it will be for the overall benefit to share it with Zor. If you feel he is not yet ready, perhaps you could hide the information. If he presses, tell him he is not yet ready to know it.

Rebecca

ok so I have a question. Our doctor has called me the protector becuase I watch out to make sure he's not hurting anyone, especially the kids. So but I'm real mad right now because one of us who is 12 just has been talking about the bad things that happened to her and I'm really mad about it and I cna't do anything about it and I can't fix it and I can't go back to fix it for her or make it not happen!!! I did crack his ribs way a long time ago but I didn't do anything else to stop him when she got hurt lots of times over and over and I don't think I was around or knew the other kids when they were getting hurt when they were even lots younger. It makes me so mad to see her cry and shake and I don't know what to do. And why I wasn't there to fix things. Or to beat someone up. why did I wait until just that one time.Now if anyone comes up to me and touching me on the neck I deck them. And I make sure the doctor does't get to close to us. But I did shake his hand one time. That is ok. because he respects me he says. And so far he hasn't done things to hurt the kids, even though i used to think he was going to. One time he hurt someone's feelings but he apologized. He doesn't make mistakes very much but he always apologizes. I am not afraid of the other doctor who is a therapist because she is a really old lady and I can take her if I need to. And we can out run her. But the doctor guy is really tall and strong. I think he lifts weights and stuff. So we gotta keep an eye on him and be ready to run or fight. But anyways I don't know what to do about Krystal cuz she is so sad and got really hurt and I am SO MAD. Why couldn't I be there to help her ? - Damien

-- Mon Nov 26, 2018 9:03 pm --

and it just makes me want to HURT someone bad. But all the bad people are dead. Or old and no one will let me hurt him they feel sorry for him because of the brain damage he got from the car accident and he doesn't remember anything and he is like a different person now, like a young person, but I stilol want to mess him up bad. But mostly i want the kids to not hurt.

VioletFlux wrote:Hello {\Pixie/},

I am not a protector, I apologize if I should not be writing here. Among other things, I control information in our system.

Were I in your position, my decision would be based on whether or not I felt the others had a need to know rather than merely a desire to know, and whether or not I felt that knowing would cause them, and consequntly the system at large, any immediate problems or damage.

The Violets have asked me a great many questions over the past 12 months, and I have kept much from them, because it was either dangerous for them to know, or it was unnecessary for them to know.

I also feel it is safer for them to learn things at their own pace. If they arrive at the correct answer on their own, or uncover some historical information on their own, to me that is an indication that they were ready to learn it. Whereas simply handing it to them when they ask, can be more dangerous.

For your system, if you are the arbiter of this information then only you can know whether or not it will be for the overall benefit to share it with Zor. If you feel he is not yet ready, perhaps you could hide the information. If he presses, tell him he is not yet ready to know it.

Rebecca

So I decided to like show the doc the info I got from Zor's mom... which if you've seen our other thread you know she's now like trying to deny was even possible or anything... He decided we should let Zor read it... so he's seen it... still doesn't know a lot but we don't either cuz of the age and stuff. But it's an idea... and that was hard enough for him.

{\Pixie/}

This is so timely for us. We have guardians and protectors. Just learned the difference. My T described a guardian he met as a secret service agent! Always alert, total aware of surroundings, allowing host to do his/her things in safety. Protectors are action orientated, perhaps aggressive even. Had an incident where another Doc.came in during therapy & sat on sofa with us. Knew a limit had been set. If he moved two inches closer physical action would have been taken to remove him. A line had been drawn, action was imminent. Just starting to know them. Just learned they exist.

Menagerie wrote:ok so I have a question. Our doctor has called me the protector becuase I watch out to make sure he's not hurting anyone, especially the kids. So but I'm real mad right now because one of us who is 12 just has been talking about the bad things that happened to her and I'm really mad about it and I cna't do anything about it and I can't fix it and I can't go back to fix it for her or make it not happen!!! I did crack his ribs way a long time ago but I didn't do anything else to stop him when she got hurt lots of times over and over and I don't think I was around or knew the other kids when they were getting hurt when they were even lots younger. It makes me so mad to see her cry and shake and I don't know what to do. And why I wasn't there to fix things. Or to beat someone up. why did I wait until just that one time.Now if anyone comes up to me and touching me on the neck I deck them. And I make sure the doctor does't get to close to us. But I did shake his hand one time. That is ok. because he respects me he says. And so far he hasn't done things to hurt the kids, even though i used to think he was going to. One time he hurt someone's feelings but he apologized. He doesn't make mistakes very much but he always apologizes. I am not afraid of the other doctor who is a therapist because she is a really old lady and I can take her if I need to. And we can out run her. But the doctor guy is really tall and strong. I think he lifts weights and stuff. So we gotta keep an eye on him and be ready to run or fight. But anyways I don't know what to do about Krystal cuz she is so sad and got really hurt and I am SO MAD. Why couldn't I be there to help her ? - Damien

-- Mon Nov 26, 2018 9:03 pm --

and it just makes me want to HURT someone bad. But all the bad people are dead. Or old and no one will let me hurt him they feel sorry for him because of the brain damage he got from the car accident and he doesn't remember anything and he is like a different person now, like a young person, but I stilol want to mess him up bad. But mostly i want the kids to not hurt.

Sometimes protection means running away and hiding and sometimes it means letting something bad happen so something worse doesn't. And sometimes protectors aren't around because parts feel like they deserve what's happening like its there fault.

Whatever the reason you weren't there it's can't be changed now because it's in the before. You can only change the now and the future. So if you feel bad because you don't think you were a good enough protector make sure you will be a better one in the future.

Sometimes protection means running away and hiding and sometimes it means letting something bad happen so something worse doesn't. And sometimes protectors aren't around because parts feel like they deserve what's happening like its there fault.
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May we ask questions? Don't wish to offend. The system is just learning about the part guardians & protectors have played. We were very separated. Unknown to others in the system. Doesn't mean we weren't active. T says every system needs to operate for the welfare solely of that system. But can't help comparing how it is for us to others here.