Don't Want to Be Real (Trigger Warning)

I had a very good session with our T last night. Unfortunately, I've forgotten a lot of what we talked about.

I know that we talked about what I posted here. And about how past experiences influence self-esteem. But I can't remember the important points that I figured out and wanted to take away with me.

It's in my subconscious somewhere. I don't forget things. I know that this is probably my way of protecting myself while I digest it all, but I wish I could move faster.

Charity

It's really good to read this!!

Maybe you can take a pen and a notebook with you, to write what you want to remember again?

Any how, it's great that you figured out important points, and that they are there. The mind keeps processing stuff.

Good to know.

Sea

I second taking a notebook. I tried to do this too but I seem to keep forgetting committing to it lol. I brought it with me to every appointment for 6 years, lol, but right about the time when things with the 'new' t got moving (1.5 years now) I started forgetting the notebook :/
But maybe it works for you. I don't try to force it because I understand this self protection thing all too well and I don't want to overload any members by forcing knowledge.

MakersDozn wrote:

VikixxLouise wrote:I know how you feel.

The more we learn about each other, the more I start to realise that I can't be the happy inocent little anymore. I just want to walk my doggys and play with toys and act my age but our T is tlaking about making us all one person and ten I won't be able to be the perosn I want to be. I will have to be a little of me and a little of everyone else. […] I don't want to be everyone else. I want to be me.

I'm sorry you are sad Charity *hug hug* My T said it will get better but I don't know. It's all so hard and scary. I hope it gets better but I want it to get better without me becoming someone else and feeling unsafe.

Thank you for writing back to me. I’m sorry that I don’t know what your name is; I’d like to recognize you for who you are. Do your bigger people want all of you to come together, or is it your T’s idea? We can talk about that in a separate message topic if you’d like.

We have chosen to remain a team of 47 members working together. It’s not easy, but it’s our choice.

It's Lucy My bigger people don't know. They don't want us to come together but we want to be happy and we don't know how to do that how we are now. Our T wants us to come together, hes nice but I don't know. He thinks it will happen when we start to become comfortable with our emotions. It's all really new. How do you stay happy? I know you probably aren't always but our lows are so bad.

-- Fri Jun 05, 2015 7:06 pm --

TheCollective wrote:I second taking a notebook. I tried to do this too but I seem to keep forgetting committing to it lol. I brought it with me to every appointment for 6 years, lol, but right about the time when things with the 'new' t got moving (1.5 years now) I started forgetting the notebook :/
But maybe it works for you. I don't try to force it because I understand this self protection thing all too well and I don't want to overload any members by forcing knowledge.

I agree with not pushing too hard and trying not to force it, I did that for a few weeks at the start of my dx and everything is a mess now. Everyone is just a mess. Everything is just a mess really haha, We'll get through it though and I hope you guys do too
-Daniel

Hi everyone. And thank you, Lucy, for telling me your name. I hope that your T will understand that it's important to respect your wishes to not come together if you don't want to (or whatever your wishes turn out to be later on).

I appreciate the notebook suggestion. We've never been big on taking notes. We generally have a very good memory, and most of us are very detail-oriented. I am more of a big-picture person than a detail person, but we all have access to an internal memory bank.

I'm sure that I'll remember what I need to remember when it's best for me to remember it. It will probably be when we're at home alone, free of distractions like work.

Charity

It's really cool to know oneself that much. And yes, what you say it's true. You'll remember when it's best for you to remember.

It is too much the burden, in your case.
In my case if through the now and here I reach myself I have too much fear to stay this way, because the breakdown was functional to avoid the violence of the psychopatic that hates my good being, my health and.. my simply being and now that my decomposition creates too much flaws in my life and she reached too much power I have too much fear to receive again her immediate actions and machinations.
Even if for now I am farwaway (for a limited time) and I try and try and try. Like I know that if I reach myself one time its forever.