Telling family

I have begun telling my family about my DID and how I must protect my self. Also telling them I wont see my father again. Some consensus was made to do this from the ones who care. It has been put off for a long while now. I needed to finish the semester first, we wouldn't have been able to handle all that stress.

I am not doing to well. An alter is shaking pretty badly, feeling pretty bad, it is showing physically on and off. Things are getting chaotic. I know this has to be done, it sucks though.

Any support would be appreciated.

Hi there, I've only just been diagnosed, and got the guts up to tell my family too, it's a hard process, but I hope for both of us, and others in this (or similar) situation[s] find it helps in the long run, I hope your family is loving and supportive about it...feel free to send me a message if you need anything, and best of luck for the future...x

I understand an alter having anxiety. Recently one of my alters kept panicking, to the point where I had to leave work a couple times. One day, I forgot how to drive because I was so panicked. It gets better. I'm in a much better place today and I'm taking it day by day. I've only told a couple family members, and I'm not sure they believe me but they're being supportive anyway. I've had to distance myself from my estranged husband. I've recently learned he triggers an alter. I haven't explained this to him though and I know it will be a difficult conversation. I applaud you for protecting yourself and placing the boundaries you need. That takes bravery!

Thank you cuddlebunny. I appreciate the support

I told one of my brothers a while back, he is out of state and I suppose he is supportive. I didn't tell him about not seeing my dad anymore though. I don't really expect my family to understand what DID is. I don't know what I want from them. A good number of alters would rather not see them again. I feel like nothing will change. They will treat me the same, and they are not healthy relationships.

When I told my mother about my DID yesterday, I also told her she should learn about emotional abuse and how it is affecting her. She got really defensive about that. ... I feel like this whole idea I had about who she is has always been completely wrong. I told her about not seeing my dad and she defended him as well.

I don't know why I though she would be compassionate or apologetic. She did apologize though. It doesn't seem sincere though... I don't understand what some of the alters expected, but I suppose... it was for us to move on. She was never supportive growing up... I don't know why she would change.

I still need to tell my sibling. It seems like an alter is scared that my brothers are going to beat us up and hurt us. Its a child alter, I was the youngest brother so the alter must have been really scared of them when we were young.

In my mind it seems like they are going to react with anger, but seeing how my mother reacted, I don't think they will. The are probably are just going to discount what I am telling them. I know that there is lots of narcissism in my family, but figuring out that condescension has been directed at me for a long time is rather heart breaking.

Thank you newtothis1234.

Its good to know that it gets better. The anxiety alter has been difficult for me to understand, but I am starting to learn to trust what the alter is indicating.

I know it would be very unwise for me to see all my family at once, well basically any of them for long periods of time. I can't put down my defense around them, It would trigger out alters that need protection. I don't feel that we are ready for that situation.

I made a huge error in judgement telling my mom and sister about my diagnosis. I'm fairly certain they didn't take the time to understand and dwell on things like myself, but I shouldn't have told them that early in my journey. Of course, you do whant you want to do. I think it depends on your stress levels how in tack are you. What I mean by that are you visiting crisis centers /ER? What actions are you doing that could end up with grave consequences. I think its perfectly okay to tell them before it gets to that point hopefully. That way they can keep in contact and try to intervene when needed. Also depend on what other support you have available .

This is between me, myself, and God. Wife doesn't want to hear nothing about it. It'll blow her fantasy about me, or something. Sorry this is WAY older than our momentary marriage. Whatever.

I might tell my sisters. why not? Were all effed up! i just pretty much nailed my dad with the bipolar dx. If you woulda cared when I was 6 instead of busily beating my azz.....things would be different. I wouldn't have skated prison, been a pin cushion, a loveless romantic. being sucking down antipsychotics like candy....or probably that.

At this point, my dx is like a pet rock. A thing. Play with it. I've always played with it. Hope you find your way

Good for you for setting a boundary with your father!!
I have told my mom who probably doesn't remember and it's like whatever...
Never told the others. I have my own family now. No point in telling my family who wouldn't engage anyway.
Hope it goes well for you. Take care of you and do what's best for you. Xoxo

I am very very selective of who I tell. Telling the wrong people, I.e. non-supportive can cause a crisis and frankly I feel very few need to know. I have established boundaries with the family members that are the most triggering and see no use in telling the remaining family, friends whatever. I'm the same person they knew before I was diagnosed and they aren't qualified to support me. I've told one close friend who is the most supportive person in the world and she still slips up because of a lack of experience. My partner knows, and two friends outside of my therapist. People like doctors or friends who know I have therapy just know I suffer with depression, anxiety and a few also know a dissociative disorder. That's all they need to know.

If you want to proceed with telling your family, which sounds fairly unsupportive, just make sure you have everything in order to help with a crisis if one is triggered but I encourage you to think about why you need to do this. If it's to prove that your childhood sucked and your parents must now acknowledged that, I'm afraid you will be set up for a great fall. Just be careful...

>> going batty

Love the nickname.

Our stance on the matter is similar to yours. Our parents and siblings were not abusers, and our mother was multiple. We felt it best to let them know, but we don't tell many other people--outside of our therapist and pdoc, only three friends know. The rest of the world only knows about the MDD and the GAD.

MDs

Hey thanks every one for the advice and support.

buter8137

I feel like I already made mistakes in telling my old terrible friends. They don't have empathy for other people, being pretty big narcissists and one being a sociopath. I thought they cared, but that was before I understood.

I think my stress is pretty good, I don't know though... my only support through this has been my therapist, but he is a very good one. I am so lucky that he is one of the good ones, although dissociative disorders are not his specialty.

so far, my sister and mother have reacted exactly like your situation. They don't understand why I don't want to see my father, or that I even have DID. I am in no crisis center or the like. Honestly alters stronger that me are the ones who want to deal with this and move on- they have been more open to our therapist for many months now.

MeWeUsThem

I like your perspective on this. It really made me think. I think the "this is between me, myself, and God" is something that I am finally understanding- that I don't have to tell anyone unless I want to.

Journalgirl

Thank you for the encouragement. I really appreciate that.

going batty

"I'm the same person they knew before I was diagnosed and they aren't qualified to support me."
man that is a good point. I feel like I need to give them the benefit of the doubt. like I need to give them a chance. I know it wont go well, but at least I tried.

"If it's to prove that your childhood sucked and your parents must now acknowledged that, I'm afraid you will be set up for a great fall"

I want to do this so much. I know it will be exactly like you say. I'm so angry about that. It wont accomplish anything.

MakersDozn

"We felt it best to let them know. . ."

Thats how we feel, it just has to be done to move on with our life.