Is There Any Medicine To Help The Fusion?

HI,

IT'S NORMAL FOR "US" NOT TO REMEMBER PAST TRAMA. WHATEVER HAPPEN WAS SO BAD WE BLOCKED IT OUT, AND FORMED ALTERS TO FUNTION. I THINK I REMEMBER PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, AT LEAST MOST OF MY ALTERS DO, I THINK. YOU NEVER KNOW. I STILL HAVE THINGS COME UP ONCE IN A WHILE. IT CAN REALLY ROCK YOUR WORLD WHEN IT DOES. IT'S LIKE BEING THERE ALL OVER AGAIN. VISUAL FLASH BACKS WITH EVERY DETAIL. YOU REMEMBER SOUNDS, SMELLS, AND PHYSICAL SENSATIONS. IF IT HAPPENS TRY TO TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE SAFE NOW. IT'S CALLED GROUNDING.

MY ANGERY CHILDREN REMEMBER EVERYTHING, AND RELEASE MEMORIES WHEN THEY ARE READY TO, A LITTLE AT A TIME. I DON'T THINK THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM. THEY SAW EVERYTHING THROUGH CHILDREN'S EYES. THAT'S WHY IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE WITNESSING IT TROUGH SOMEONE ELSES EYES. NOW THAT I'M GROWN, I CAN EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED. I DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE UNTIL IT MADE SENSE TO ME. MORE OF THE MEMORIES FIT TOGETHER SO I COULD SEE MORE OF THE BIG PICTURE. I'D SUGGEST YOU KEEP IN MIND SOME PEOPLE THAT CARE, AND FEEL YOU CAN SHARE WITH JUST IN CASE. BREAKING THROUGH THE DENIAL YOU'VE CLUNG TO FOR SO LONG, CAN BE VERY TRAMATIC AND UNEXPECTED! DON'T FORGET YOU ARE NO LONGER ALONE, WE'RE HERE!

BENNY

SORRY GUYS,

MR. KNOW IT ALL GOT ON HIS SOAP BOX. I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS TAKING TO. PROBRABLY JUST TRYING TO IMPRESS EVERYONE.

BENNY

Benny,
I sure can identify where you're coming from. Monday night in my therapy session I experienced an abusive episode from a 9 month old baby who was preverbal. It was like I was on the floor, crawling, trying to get away. The baseboards looked like they were six inches tall, and I felt like I was only 3 inches from the floor. While crawling her hands slipped and she got a rug burn on her chin, boy did that hurt me! The sensations were so confusing--I was my 5 feet tall self sitting on a couch, but felt as if I were on the floor crawling like crazy trying to get away. (We know, of course, that babies can't crawl away from adults, but sure did try!) The irony of it all is that the abuse happened at all. I think this is my first memory of abuse, that is the youngest memory I have had. It was a very difficult one to absorb and put into my memory. It has settled in now for two days. Mary Catherine realizes now that it wasn't something about her that caused the abuse. That she wasn't a 'bad' part. The abuse happened anyway.
Well, it's 3:00 am where I'm at so I'll close for now.
Cathi

HEY CATHI,

YA, IT CAN GET PRETTY FREAKY. IN ONE OF MY EARLY MEMORIES I'M ON THIS SLIPPERY BLANKET TRYING TO GET AWAY. I CAN REMEMBER THE COLOR ( GROSS, DRAB, PURPLISH ) THE SATINY FEEL. HAVING IT PULLED OUT FROM UNDER ME. THE BUMPPY GOLD CARPET UNDER IT. RUG BURNS. THE GREEN SOFA WITH BEIGE AND GREEN PILLOWS. BEING DRUG BY ONE LEG EVEN THE WARMTH OF THE SLIMEY HAND HOLDING MY ANKLE ETC... MOST OF THE TIME IT'S THE DETAILS THAT LET ME KNOW HOW OLD I WAS AT THE TIME. SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE HOW YOUNG I WAS WHEN IT HAPPENED. I NEVER FELT YOUNG. WHEN I SEE CHILDREN (BABIES) THE SAME AGE, I CAN BELIEVE IT. I HURTS SO BAD THAT SOMEONE COULD DO THAT TO SOMEONE THAT LITTLE. I THINK THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS I NEVER COULD HAVE KIDS. IT REMINDS ME TO MUCH OF WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

HOPE THAT DOESN'T FREAK ANYONE OUT! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS NOW! WE WERE MUCH STRONGER THAN THEM, HEART AND SOUL! I'D RATHER BE ME THAN SOMEONE LIKE THEM ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE! SOMETHING IS VERY, VERY WRONG WITH THEM!

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS
BENNY