secret personality or imaginary friend?

Lately Nini has been talking to someone that she keeps calling “big brother.” She’ll talk to him both when she’s not fronting and when she is, both aloud and inwardly. I have no idea who she’s talking to.

I’ve tried to ask her who she’s talking to, but she won’t tell me anything. When our boyfriend asked her about it while she was talking to “big brother” one evening she told him “it’s a secret.”

I’m not currently in therapy (I’m on a waiting list) so I don’t have any way to get a professional’s help with this one, so I’m wondering if any other people have had this type of thing happen?

Is “big brother” another personality that I simply don’t have access to but she does, or is he just some kind of imaginary friend?

I am aware that no one can give me definite answers but I guess I’m just looking to see if anyone else has experienced anything like this and what the outcome was?

- Nokomis.

Hi, Nokomis. In many persons with DID alters talk to one another outside of the host's range of awareness. If from hearing Nini you can tell that a reasonably full conversation is going on, Big Brother is likely to be an alter or separate personality. It's completely normal in early stages of awareness of DID to know about some alters but not others yet.

If you have any amount of communication, and even if you don't, I would ask Nine or Big Brother to tell you more. Ask Big Brother if he is there and if he has a name. Tell them you don't have to know more than that for now but it would help you feel better and maybe you could all become friends eventually. Building communication and trust between parts in DID is necessary for healing.

There were a few inward conversation between two alter and not myself/host front that had me perplexed. Nice to know that I'm not alone in trying to gain a better understanding of our systems. I tried to journal as much as I could at the time of those conversations between my alter identities when I heard that way.

We are not in the early stages. We've been knowingly multiple for ten years or so.

I've tried asking Nini throughout the last few weeks but she keeps giving me excuses. I've received no contact when attempting to get through to "Big Brother." I don't know if it's because he can't or because he won't but it's really stressing me out.

- Nokomis.

Communication is always a two way street. There is the communicator with an intent to communicate and the one who listens with intent to hear. If communication isn't happening, there may be a problem on either or both ends.

Maybe the hardest step, but the only one you actually may have any control over, is to make sure your end of the communication is open. You may believe it is, that you want to listen with open mind and open heart, that you want to hear from the other person or part, whatever they have to say, but look closely. Are you actually ready to listen and hear virtually anything, including the most difficult things, information that you really do not want to learn or deal with, at least right now? Are you willing to discover that you have been wrong?

I'm focusing on this here because it's what I've been facing myself recently. My T told me today that I have an answer ready a lot of the time, that I am quite sure about a lot of things, of why things aren't working, and I'm logical, articulate, sometimes passionate in my reasoning. But I may not be as good at listening as I think I am. Something along those lines. That was my take-away, in any case.

I'm not sure this is even on topic but I'm going to post anyway because I'm tired of writing things, then deciding not to post for some reason. I've done that several dozen times.

Thank you for your advice. I don't have a decent response right now as I'm incredibly frustrated about our current situation.

We've been having blackouts recently and besides "Big Brother" Nini has alerted me that there is an alter that's calling itself Jinx, but she doesn't have any information about Jinx for me. I'm not sure if it's because she doesn't know anything or because she's doing the "it's a secret" thing again.

I'm wondering if the other alters - or at least Jinx, since Nini seems to have a relationship with Big Brother - are intimidating or manipulating her into not telling me or the outside about them.

- Nokomis.