Medicine Amnesia/ Self injury/Feeling like disappointment TW

Therapy takes a toll for those of us with dissociative identity disorder...Difficult memories and our selves emerge and how we deal and cope with ourselves is very important. For me, I'm trying to get back to work possible at least give it another try before I take ssi really seriously. I've lost a whole lot past jobs and have gone through a whole lot of retraumizeing since I'm a sensitive person.

I recently had an incidient to where I forgot and took too much medicine. I started feeling bad and I had to go to the crisis center. Of course they reminded me of the crisis center I visited when I had a mental breakdown at the beginining of this year. Adding insult to injury my ex spouse who is also has been my abuser in a 10 year marriage has gotten our daughter during this time I was in the crisis center the other day

I entered therapy for what I thought was freedom and not to suffer in silence like I done for the past 31 years. Therapy has been very bad for me. I believe partly because I lost my support system individual and group because of some sort of misundertanding. I honestly beleive my support system was very understanding to poeple like myself and could was very confortable place to speak about our problems.

I know in therapy safety outside of therapy is very essential in continueing the healing journey. Due to therapy my health internally started to deteriorate, so I had lost my job, had a mental breakdown, and was evicted twice.

My kids are with my ex husband who has gotten better with our kids, his main target for abuse was myself. I really feel like he is the winner in all this as I can't hardly tie one shoe without having another major life change. My unemployment was cut off 2 month early for no reason and the county assistance offices in the last two states act like it is an insult that I'm even applying for benefits giving me the run around

Of course, my ex spouse is very narcissistic and very blind to his own abusive nature. If I try to explain or give examples of his wrong doings or explain to him that he needs counseling he immediately starts to tear me down with insults about how I can't keep a job or how I'm a dissappointment to our children etc. Mind you the only reason I went into therapy was because of this abusive marriage domestic violence in my marriage. It was much later after I went into my childhood of sexual violence did I get diagnosis with PTSD, panic disorder, depression, psychois nos, and dissociative identity disorder.

I'm between two states after being stolen from from 2 male roommates. Somebody had enough trust to get two male roommates after my 2 eviction. I live in one state and my kids live in another state. I do feel like a horrible parent. I went into counseling to try and save myself from the horrible abuse and later figuoured out I'm on this self discovery journey that has been very painful.

I use to pick and poke around with my skin as a kid, not a whole lot. Only reason I beleieve I did it was out of boredom. Now I'm cutting just because if I'm going to cry I need to cry for some pyshical pain so I cut to satisfy that criteria. I don't want to be like this just resume my life working and taking care of my children. I have 4 and no more time to waste as a mother. Its like I'm toatlaly ruined. I got Dissoicative identity disorder, most think I'm crazy, bad credit, no job, no state assistance, 2 evictions, my children with who I think is the winner in this there Father. Why is that? He stayed out of counseling after I begged to attend to work out things. I can't hardly complain to him. my kids complain about there dads girlfirend. I can't tell who to take seriously or not. My children ask me not to say anything because they dad will get them if they talk about they nurturer, his girlfriend.

I honestly don't know where I keep everybody. When I enter in therapy everything is so bottled up inside it hardly ever makes sense to a counselor. My PtSD is also a problem too...

Please advise or encourage words are valued!

Thank you

What a very difficult story you tell. You have been through a lot lately! I can't say I have words of advice, other than to hang in there as best you can. Being able to reflect on recent events is good, because understanding what happened and why is an important step in knowing how to prevent similar stuff from happening again.

My best advice would be to speak kindly to yourself, in your head, I mean. Be gentle and understanding and forgive yourself. You have been through a lot. With self-compassion, you may get more and more self-insight. That usually helps me, anyway.

Take care.

Thanks for the similar encouragement.

-- Mon Sep 08, 2014 6:39 am --

Thanks for the similar encouragement.

-- Mon Sep 08, 2014 6:40 am --

Thanks for the similar encouragement.