We are going to Germany

Thank you so much for your words, for being there. I have many pictures of her with love in her eyes; I want them imprinted in my memory. I am doing OK. Not good, but better than before - I don't feel as exhausted, am not crying all the time…

niva wrote:Thank you so much for your words, for being there. I have many pictures of her with love in her eyes; I want them imprinted in my memory. I am doing OK. Not good, but better than before - I don't feel as exhausted, am not crying all the time…

That is good!! Do remember all those beautiful moments. Life goes one, and healing is part of it. I'm glad to read you better.

Sea

I still think of her constantly, all day long, but I am able to be distracted at times. I miss her so much .

The body is no longer losing weight, which is very good. We are sleeping and taking care as best as we can. We are exhausted.

We have been working a lot, but are now laid off for the season. I am so grateful for Aiden lately - he is helping me with so many things like planning for the winter (we do snow removal and have to organize our sites and everything - he's good at that kind of stuff, numbers and such), keeping life stuff going (he keeps reminding me that we need to get a driver's license, to apply for next summer's job, to prepare for the move in December, etc). He is letting me be sad.

I wonder about little n. She hasn't said a word; I just get this dissociated, bad feeling from her. I think she's regressed a bit with self-blaming thought distortion stuff. Stuff like 'i knew it would happen because I am bad/don't deserve to be loved/etc.' But she's not talking to me; it's just the feeling that comes through…

Hi N,

niva wrote:I still think of her constantly, all day long, but I am able to be distracted at times. I miss her so much .

Off course you do. She was/is a very important person in your life. :/

niva wrote:The body is no longer losing weight, which is very good. We are sleeping and taking care as best as we can. We are exhausted.

Hey, this is good news! Aiden, is been such a great guy supporting you all, trying to be there for you, allowing you to grieve. <3

Having a good balance between grieving (fully feeling it) and keeping busy, I think is healthy. So I'm glad you're having both.

Regarding little n, how about if you write her a letter? Or compose her a song (Dunno about your musical abilities)? Or draw her a picture? Explain her what happen, and explain her is not her fault, remind her of her good job, and how she was being brave and trying to let herself experience good things.

Still wish you lots of peace, and understanding of the situation, and fun things to do too, things that will bring you joy back.

Take care you all (Big N, Little n and Aiden)

Sea