For the teenagers!

hi... my name is dillan and i've never posted on here before. that kind of sounds like an introduction for like an AA meeting or something. i read the first couple of posts in this thread and the ones on this last page, so i could try to see what it's like. i'm not going to read the other 100+ pages. but i guess i have a question for the other teens on here or anyone really. i dunno.

i am really good when i am 'out' and don't get pissed off when people call me tooner's real name. i get things would go all weird and crazy if people knew she had this problem or illness or whatever, so when they call me her name, i don't correct them even if it drives me up the wall. i usually don't get angry at her, but i am kind of angry right now. maybe i'm not even angry at her but just in general. like, online, i could have a life, you know? i actually do have a couple of friends online, but tooner knows them too and they know the DID situation. i would like to do other stuff though and the overall worry inside is that i am going to make trouble for tooner. like if i told anyone i am a 14 year old boy and people find out technically tooner is a 35 year old woman. it's not like i'm going to try to hurt anyone; i just want a life of my own and the internet makes that so much more possible than real life. after reading the last few comments, i can see that my complaint isn't very important in the scheme of things. i guess i would be the selfish jerk keeping her from getting her work done, but it still sucks.

does anybody else ever just want to be themselves and can't be? does anybody know of someplace i could go to make friends that won't make other people in this system freak out?

i love how i am considered a disease, by the way, even though she is the one who made me to help her.

tooner wrote:does anybody else ever just want to be themselves and can't be? does anybody know of someplace i could go to make friends that won't make other people in this system freak out?

Yes, all the time I just want to be myself and I can't. So I get what you are saying. Where can you make friends? Maybe other people with DiD who have teenager alters, I don't know to be honest. And yeah it is all considered a disorder, however we are not the disorder, we are the solution to a crappy situation. I'll be your friend if you want, well as far as a friendship can go on a forum lol. I know some people on here try to see movies at the same time and talk about it later etc. So there are people on here that you could call friends. As far as hanging out goes, guess you just have to find people who get along with you and know about the DiD. Nice to meet you Dillan.

Welcome Dillan. Yeah everyone in our system wishes they could be themselves but it's impossible for us to do that without making the situation worse that we're in. Maybe start by getting involved with groups that have the same interests as you and see if you can form friendships from there. That's the only solution I can think of.

Hi Dillan.

Welcome to the forum. Having a life is a big topic for us too. Mostly Host and I handle it with projects for me to do. I like to build and repair things and there's always stuff that needs to be fixed. Host is pretty good about letting me just work without bugging me. I'm not very social though so that's not a problem for me. Iain and Evan want friends and spend a lot of time on the forum. I guess that works ok.

Colin

thanks for the support and it's nice to meet the three of you too. it is pretty cool that i can at least come here to talk to others like me.

Cynthia, i understand what you mean about making the situation worse. all of us are really respectful about answering to tooner's name and stuff, but it's just getting old. i think i already stressed that point. sorry about that. i'm kind of wary about going anywhere to make friends aside from places where people will know about tooner's disorder because like i mentioned in my post earlier, i don't want like the police and fbi and government and $#%^ knocking our door down because they think she's some kind of pervert. i will try to google it and see if i can find someplace else for DID teenagers.

Colin, i have gotten tooner in trouble financially a couple of times by using her paypal account to buy stuff i want. i guess that's kind of my way of rebelling sometimes but it's still making it worse for her. i guess i'm not doing a good job of helping her if i do what i want, but i want to sometimes anyway. we should be allowed to compromise and stuff, but the T keeps telling us, specifically me, that i shouldn't be going out and doing things on my own. i can't even remember the reason she gave now, but why single me out? i haven't done anything bad financially in a long time. i ordered a dvd at the beginning of the month, but that didn't break the bank or anything. i don't really have any hobbies besides playing video games. we have a thing like a cheap little console that plays NES and SNES games which is really cool for retro stuff. we have a ps3 too, but it broke. it was really old; like the first round of ones that were released. but there isn't really a socialization aspect with that and that's what i really want or need or i don't know what. it's what i crave, maybe, is the right word

Tyler, thanks for writing. i would like it if we become friends. i'm glad that i know i can come here to talk with you guys. i actually have a yahoo messenger id, that the T told me not to use, but i have two friends there. one is a teenager of a guy with DID, she's 13; and the other is a lady who knows about tooner's disorder. i don't know if we're allowed to exchange yahoo messenger info, but it's okay if we can't. i don't want to break any rules if i'm allowed to talk to others like me here.

thanks for talking to me and for the encouragement. i'm not usually always angry and whiny and crap; i just get so annoyed sometimes and restless i guess.

EDIT... so far, no luck on finding any other active DID social forums or chatrooms.

forgot to add my stupid color

Dillan you're TOTALLY invited here. We're all trying to figure this stuff out. Yeah I got the same speech from our T. I didn't like it but she was right. I used to reject everybody and go off on my own. I liked it but T says I got to think of the team. We worked it out and I'm pretty good with it most times. It's turning into a WAY better family than we had growing up. Oh and Host is cool with me having some money. When I fix things he splits the difference based on what it would cost to like get somebody to fix whatever.

Colin

Alright, my name is Raven, not the cockney one, she's now Jessica, blame Scarlet for the mess up.
Well, what can I say about myself, I'm 17 years old, I'm a protector. I'm your typical moody teenage girl I guess, I like heavy metal, dark clothes and make-up though I can't apply any due to dysphoria, hopefully won't have to wait too much longer before that crap fixes itself up.

I guess if anyone wants emotional support I'm happy to deliver, I'm likely older than many of you so I may be able to help more. Also, one of our system, Ari, hasn't spoken here yet but she has BPD and struggles with loneliness so if you any of you are willing to talk to her here or on our skype (abyssalscarletvalkyrie) that takes a load off my hands and helps her. Otherwise, I might not check in much unless somebody wants to strike up a conversation but II'm here if you do

-Raven

PS: please just say hi to Ari to draw her out, just be careful of her anger, her tendency to blame others and then herself instead and her general paranoia and of abandonment, it's appreciated.

Hi Ari! K wasn't a Dawson's Creek -type of teen herself so we know how it's like... She hated Dawson's creek by the way, (dunno if that show is familiar to you, but it was screened in Finland back in the time K was in high school). God, she hated the boring, middle class, plato-quotin a-holes, for being so normal (or being presented as "normal", with their stupid, normal heartbreaks). Yeah, sorry about the Dawson's Creek vent.

Anyway. I'm pissed. K hasn't kept her promises about limiting the eating (there should be max two days a week, when we eat sugary stuff and such.) AND I'm soooo bored with this stay-at-home-mommy thing that she does. Mommying is BOOORIING. Next weekend I was supposed to have fun with my bf and his friend but now I'm told that I can't. I have to go to see the witch and be with Mommy and her child. She promised me that we could go shopping (in the fleemarkets, wow). She likes fleemarkets. And crappy hippy stuff.

t: Miss T

Miss T, that sucks. You'd think she would promise you stuff you'd actually like to do, not just stuff she likes to do.

I haven't been out in a while. Madison couldn't really hack it anymore, she's still around but it's nice to be in charge. I'm glad it was me that came to front, at least I can take care of $#%^. Like, there's a point where cuddling and affirmations ain't gonna cut it anymore and you just have to suck it up and deal with whatever crap is being thrown at you. We're going to see a doctor in two hours because of our knee, and it was the incompetent physio & ortho giving us $#%^ advice in the first place that's the reason we're barely able to walk right now. Like, littles are UPSET because sure, Madison has all this hope and she's like a shining beacon of light but there's a point in the real world where you can't hope your way out of life being unfair. Sometimes you just need to grit your teeth and tell life to go ###$ itself.

It's funny, Madison worships an ancient Celtic goddess of war and death, you'd think she have a little more grit. Maybe that's what I'm here for, I guess. Do what she can't. Maybe I should check in with her goddess while she's out, that'd be real interesting.

-Rach.