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Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.
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by JuusanHime » Wed Apr 09, 2014 5:31 pm
Hello to everyone here! It is my first post and also the first time i talk about DID.My name is Juusanhime and It took me years to realise what is happening and psychodrs misdiagnosed me many times. I was in the brick of death mentally and physically. 2 of the alters dont let me share the full story and i dont know when and if they will. There are many of us and one of them is a psychopath. Another is a kid. I was waking up a different person almost every day. I was searching bipolar, depressed and nothing made sence. Then two years ago a teenage girl alter fell in love with someone who i am sure he is a psychopath and although the psychopath alter tried to stop her she took control for large periods of times and ruined my life, who i am the oldest personality. Now the psychopath left her after abusing her every way possible. As a result one of us constantly cries and another constantly has an uncontrollable anger and lives for revenge. There are some who take care of everydays tasks and problems.
I came here searching for a place where i could talk about everything openly and also hear others. I believe the psychopath may participate to the antisocial personality disorder forum. I have read a lot about this condition but personally i dont consider it a disadvantage. The alters have saved my life. I am not functional at all, and they perform things i could never dream about. I would love to hear from you, who can relate with what i say, i have given up on people around me to understand.
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JuusanHime
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by Johnny-Jack » Wed Apr 09, 2014 8:45 pm
Hi, JuusanHime, welcome to all of you. I think you'll find some very similar stories (and alters) here if you haven't already. I think most of us with DID have someone who holds rage. Desires for revenge are pretty common too. Not downplaying anything, just confirming you've found people with common experiences. It sounds like you already have awareness, it's good to finally know about the DID, isn't it, to have an explanation?
I think as communication increases, you get better at avoiding people who ends up being really bad for you. You see them coming earlier and can head the other direction or put up walls (some walls are healthy!) I think I've gotten better at that since I realized we had DID. At least I see how there's been emotional attachment to less healthy people in the past and why I let it happen.
The one of you you've labeled psychopath is welcome here too, though you'll want to include trigger warnings where appropriate. I think sharing the darkest thoughts may well feel easier on the other forum. But it's worth noting that in DID, an alter with rage and dark thoughts originally arrived to protect your system. Underneath the psychopathological thinking may be a very brave part who had no choice but to suffer the cruelest of abuse. That's not to say that the rage is not valid or valuable, because it totally is both.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Johnny-Jack
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by Angel of Darkness » Wed Apr 09, 2014 10:34 pm
Welcome to the forums! ^_^
We love to meet new people and talk to other alters, so if you ever need someone to talk to we are here for you. I was new not that long ago, so I remember how scary it is at first, but don't worry everyone here is awesome and super nice and just really cool. You'll probably meet lots of new people in no time. These forums have really helped us out a lot and I hope they help you out a lot too.
I have two littles as well as an assortment of various other alters. The main ones are listed in my signature. We all wish you well.
*Not diagnosed because I don't care enough to see anyone*
I either care too much ~ or not at all.
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Angel of Darkness
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by JuusanHime » Wed Apr 09, 2014 11:33 pm
Thank you both for your quick and kind responce. Awareness was so liberating indeed! I am most grateful for the fact that the angry vengeful anger wasnt rebuked! It feels like a miracle that i speak of alters and people get it! I dont know if its common the angry alter to be abused if any friend would like to share or direct me to links and stories about that i will make sure to read. In my case me (the older personality although not the most mature) was subjected in abuse all my life. Literally. My mother is an arch-narcissist and my father a condependent. My mother got pregnant so she could marry my father and always hated me deeply. I was beaten, forced to eat against my will and then be called fat and stupid. All the good qualities that may or could have been inside me got shut down permanently. We moved up every year and i was always bullied in the new schools because she dressed me like a clown and never gave me money or permission to play with other kids. The others took university entrance exams and i was able to leave home. If i could make an analogy with the book : the portrait of Dorian Gray, the alters are manifestation of what i could have been like if i was never abused. I am the monster portrait that is always abused. What tortured me the worst all those years is that many times the kid alter or the girl alter talked about the abuse. To relatives, to psychiatrists, to classmates. Every time they got one of those answers: is your fault, let by gones be bygones, you are crazy. Normal people arent open minded were i live.
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JuusanHime
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