how do you deal with lost memories?

Do you question them when found, do you look for evidence, do you want to hold someone responsible?

Do you question their value or their truth?

Or do you just accept they re there, and try to deal with them - if so - in what way?

Hi Nina

I try to examine whether they could be true but in a curiosity way not in a judgmental or dismissing way. I try to find out whether the memories fit into the actual timeline, which so far all of it is astonishingly accurate.
I try to believe that the others believe that the memories are true. Most of all I try to help them overcome it, whether or not I actually remember or believe them. But I try never to dismiss anything they say cause that I feel would be mean and hurting them and the trust we try to build. So whether or not I believe or remember it, I try to have sympathy and respect for their experience and their feelings about it.
How we try to overcome it is by being here for each other, i.e. giving neglected kids love and attention, or teaching and protecting safe boundaries, saying that it was in the past and that it was not our fault, making rules that help us stay safe so that they feel like someone is taking care of their safety now, just sticking together I guess.
It still is difficult though but we'll get through it, so can you

I had some doubts early on but in my particular system, memories and flashbacks have proven to be so completely in synch with known or discoverable facts or with known timelines, as TheCollective mentions, that I simply believe what I receive now. Since the majority have come with visual images, and details are never anachronistic (cars and fashion appear consistent with a specific time), it makes it hard for me to think there's any distortion. What I've found were not accurate were the many cobbled together memories I had generated to cover up the abuse.

Evidence has come from other people in the past few years, ever piece of which is consistent with the outline so far of what happened. Pieces of a huge puzzle that continue to fall into place.

Nina11 wrote:Do you question them when found, do you look for evidence, do you want to hold someone responsible?

Do you question their value or their truth?

Or do you just accept they re there, and try to deal with them - if so - in what way?

I wish to do all the above. I go through stages.

First, I question them. Look at the timeline to see if it fits. If it does, I'll try to contact an old friend from that timeline and see if they can add anything to it. If so, great, it must be true. However, not getting confirmation doesn't make it false. The nice thing is I'm starting to notice patterns in my lost memories that is allowing me to face them with more truth over doubt. But my current memories, the memories I had before, a lot of those were false and I don't know why I'd create false ones. Slowly, my false memories are fading by their own accord.

The next step is dealing with them. I ask myself do I wish to place blame on someone and if so who? Will they remember? Is it still fair to do so? I've went after one person and only one with blame. She said something I never thought I'd hear. She told me she was sorry. It all took place 10 years ago. I thought she would have forgotten all about it but she hadn't. In this instance, I placed blame, and then accepted the apology. In all others, I'm trying to forgive without blame to avoid fighting over things that happened so long ago.

I can t create a timeline for now

it s just

I can t think but some of those memories must ve let a psysical impact

I mean there is a certain physical impact yes

but I d expect it to be bigger? I m just scared that....if I share these with professionals they ll dismiss it....it s happened before.....for now I can t even be honest about who s in the session - as in the therapist wanted to talk about last session but that was Meridwen and I had no clue where they d left of, however I couldn t tell her that and just kept silent so we changed subjects, so I m on guard whether to tell or not to tell as in....if I get dismissed.... I dunno