What's your Story? *Possible Trigger*

The question "Why are you here?" is much too ambiguous.

If your intent is to ask "Why (or how) were you created?" please do not ask that, at least not until your guy has been in therapy with a good therapist for a few years and is willing and able to talk freely about his childhood trauma. Many alters don't actually know or are not able to speak the answer to this and those who do know are likely to be all too aware of all too much raw, unprocessed trauma. Some alters are created in infancy or early childhood and unless they have been awake and aware a lot over the years since, they have no vocabulary for what happened to them. They literally do not know the words. By asking them this question all you would be doing is taking the risk of triggering a flashback. Such a flashback is likely to be further traumatizing.

If your intent is to ask "Why are you here with me now?" consider how it feels to be asked that question by someone, especially someone you don't know all that well. Kind of off-putting, isn't it, like you're not welcome. And again, some alters won't have any idea why they are in executive control just then; they didn't choose to come out, some other alter(s) pushed them out front.

A lot of these things you all are mentioning, are things I had no idea about.

I have no support system, no help, no one to really talk to about any of this... at least not until now.
I've been going on a whim and going by text book definition. (Mine wasn't very detailed about the do's and don'ts, just the definition, and what can cause it)
And I do appreciate you taking the time to write me and help guide me through what not to say.

I really am sorry if I've pushed any of you. It's just hard to know what to look for, or how to react in different situations. If he does switch, I'm never really aware of it, other than he doesn't really act like himself, he does, but he doesn't... subtle differences, but he always answers when I call him by name, or ask him his name... I'm probably doing that wrong too...

He's told me once before that when he feels like he's about to switch he'll get really bad headaches and flu like symptoms.. but they only last for a few minutes to a few hours and then.... he's a whole new "him"
Again, that's what he's told me, and I've only experienced that with Vlad, that one time. Possibly twice (not too sure on the second time)

Like I mentioned before, I realized I could've worded this thread a whole lot better than I did.

First, let me tell you that I am not diagnosed with DID. I was in therapy, but quit going because my T seemed ill equipped to handle my situation. She did talk about my alters, so that is a bit of validation that I am DID.

I am a 47 year old female who has only begun to explore the possibility of DID within the last couple of years. I have been married for a very long time and raised two kids. I always new I didn't remember being a kid, but at some point it became obvious that I remember very little of most of my life.

I have little contact with my alters. I wish they would speak up more often. I have been told that there are 30 of us. I don't know for sure. I can safely say that I know of 10. My husband and kids are varied in their opinions. My husband says there are 14 of us. My son says I have 7-8 different "personality states". My daughter says "no one believes you have DID".

I have become aware of some of the switches. I can not tell you what triggers them. I only know that I suddenly feel very different. Sometimes I do not recognize my own voice. Sometimes I start saying things while thinking "please! Shut your mouth! No One needs to know these things!".

My husband does realize that I have switched sometimes. We have never discussed it other than him saying "you haven't told me anyone's name". I do not want to tell him. If I do, he will completely think I have lost my mind! I have told him about a few minor flashbacks. He seems to not want to discuss things too much. He "tires" of it easily.

I was talking to a fellow DIDer once and it was obvious to him that I was not me. Actually, I was Me. That is her name. He became very triggered and switched to a protector who refused to talk to us. That angered Me and we unfriended him immediately. The odd thing is....I was aware the entire time. I just could not control anything. It is difficult to explain how you can be fully aware and yet NOT be able to control anything you are doing. It almost feels like you are just giving in to some random emotion or behavior. But, there is NO WAY you can actually stop it. (unless you are one of those that can force an alter back in)

Anyway, I read through your topic yesterday. I wanted to comment, but now I am not so sure what your questions were. I hope I was at least a little help.

D

Thank you all for responding to my post.
I can't tell you enough how much I really appreciate it!

I am sorry to those that I have offended, triggered or have just made uncomfortable in general.
It most certainly was not my intention.

I don't believe I will post anymore, as I do not want to continue to offend, trigger or make anyone uncomfortable.

To everyone who has responded or have even PMed me, I really appreciate you taking the time to do so! I can't express how much it has helped me, not only with understanding my Boyfriend a little bit better, but understanding myself as well.
Thank you guys!

And I am so sorry again!


-Alyssa

Ms.B223 wrote:I don't believe I will post anymore, as I do not want to continue to offend, trigger or make anyone uncomfortable.

Please don't go! Discomfort is just part of our process, not anything to do with you. This thread is tremendous; it helps you by giving you new insight into your guy. It helps us by getting us to really dig deep and verbalize some very intense, complicated, important details of the subjective experience of DID from both sides. And it helps future readers as well, by putting so much fabulous experiential detail out there so openly.

Mrs. B,

You're not going to find out anything if you don't ask. You're doing fine asking questions; when I first starting learning about this, I offended a few people too, totally unintended, but you live, you learn. This is not a subject we're all experts on. The good news is that we become more aware of DID, and what it's really like, and that's a good thing.

You mentioned that you always call him by name. That's okay! That's the body's legal name. Sometimes alters do not have names. Guess what...? I don't know any of my BF's alters names either! They answer to one name and until he shares that information with me, it's okay. If for example one day he says, "That is not my name" , then feel free to ask what his name is then. Take his lead.

The best advice I can give you regarding the alters is to just "roll with it." Seriously...as easy as that. Sometimes it can be a total surprise. Like your BF, my BF's changes are very subtle..it's not until we're talking and all of a sudden he'll just pop out with a really dirty joke for example...and I know I'm talking with his teen. THEN, we proceed to yuck it up together, ha ha...don't be afraid to have fun with them and joke around.

I can tell that your questions come from a genuine desire to help this man. That is a GREAT place to start. Just be kind to him, and listen to him. Be a good partner like you would to anyone else, and I'm betting the rest will fall into place.

I feel Horrible!! This is MY fault- I'm the one who got triggered and there was a trigger warning. It happens- usually I know I'm being triggered and feel woozy, faint, sick, and the DP and DR kick in hard and I log off. But this time I didn't know and responded to a post. I would never want anyone to leave because I got triggered on a site - it's kinda what this is all about and you can see how easily it can happen. I can't imagine being an SO- I wouldn't have that strength or stamina. Especially seeing how innocently you can trigger a person with DID. It was a lesson for me that I wouldn't have seen and I'm glad it was pointed out

I know you care and you wouldn't be on here searching if you didn't.

Hi there,

Luvmycats, it its 100 percent not your fault. if you read Ms b. post's you will see she suffers big time from low self esteem and also almost others have replied with a harsh tone of knowing what is what is right and wrong and just telling this poor woman to basically sort it out. In contrast there has been much compassion which she could of focussed on.

You did a big thing and said sorry for being triggered, which is saying sorry for a random thing reminding you of some thing bad.you didn't have to do that asks she did not acknowledge your post, either of them, any way. So it's a two way street.

I have been talking to her via pm and she knows she is welcome here and more people have said that again and I have told her. Hopefully she will listen but don't blame yourself .

we have all been on both sides of the fence, triggered and been triggered or at least I cash imagine how easy it is to be.

Take care and be kind to alllllll of your self

Thank you!

Luvmycats, I am so sorry! I don't want you to think me not posting was your fault.
I do appreciate you posting and showing me how easily someone can be triggered. I would've posted back sooner, but I've been resting since I've just had 2 teeth surgically removed, that triggered a flare up of my Fibro, so I've been asleep for 2 days.
Riverside is right, I know that I am welcome, I do have incredibly low self esteem and suffer depression. I strive to try and make everyone happy. And I felt horrible that my post caused such a trigger for you. I didn't know how to respond, other than to just quit posting. I don't want to hurt anyone in any way. I am sorry I did not address your posts. I should have. And I'm sorry I triggered you.

Riverside, thank you for taking the time to PM me. It was a more secure passage for me. But I know that I need to get over my issues.

Snuffthroortr, Thank you for that information. it was really helpful. Blunt, but helpful. =)


Everyone, I really do appreciate all the information you've given, and things you've shown me without intending to. Such as, how easily it is to be triggered something so innocent.


I didn't mean to be so dramatic, just felt so badly. =( I'm sorry everyone.
I would still like to know whatever you want to tell me, but I completely understand any hesitation. No pressure