Dealing with an alter with OCD

i feel embarrassed for constantly posting my issues on here. both our doctor and therapist went on vacation and we're left with absolutely no resources or support, and everyone inside has decided that now's the time to wake up and become more active. i feel so confused and lost and out of control.

we discovered Myra most likely has OCD. she's been awake/active and near the body lately and the slightest little dirt on the floor or something out of place in my room messes me/her up so badly that we start crying and feel so hopeless. everything feels so filthy and we don't feel in control of anything. everything feels so filthy and tainted. we've scrubbed the floor, dusted, thrown away stuff, nothing we do is helping. we cant get anything clean around us, we can't feel clean.

its been going on for a week or something? i have no idea of the amount of time. when i first mentioned not being able to feel clean to our doctor he said it was psychological or trauma based, but that still doesn't help me figure out how to deal with this.

*trigger warning - self harm, ED*

feeling out of control is making it hard not to SI. i dont know how else to regain control but i can't handle this. i cant restrict my eating to try to get control because my food intake is being monitored. i feel so trapped.

we have severe ocd. i'm not sure what your question is, sorry i'm not out much but i saw this and thought i would answer. i know how it feels though and especially when you can't use your other coping mechanisms. is there anything you can do to help the part with the ocd? like talk to her about what feelings are coming up, if she's having flashbacks, what her thoughts are and what she thinks is going to happen (and then maybe talk to her about the realistic possibilities of what it is she's afraid of)? i don't know. it's helped us at least. i hope you're able to help her and feel better soon. it's good you post on here when you're troubled. it's no good dealing with everything alone. that's usually why most of us are multiple in the first place (and trauma but you probably understand what i mean)

sorry, my whole post was really unclear. im wondering if there's any way to feel clean/get things clean, even if the issue is just psychological (aka, things are physically clean but just don't feel like they are). i dont know if it even has an answer.

i tried talking to her, but its like there's a barrier between us. get so overwhelmed with the feelings of being tainted/dirty and how dirty our surroundings are, even though we just cleaned and i 'lose my thoughts'. communication in here has been getting really bad on all Levels. we're blacking out more, and ending up in random places having no idea how we got there, people are taking the body with no warning at really inconvenient times. we didnt use to be this bad when it was just a few of us, but the more that wake up seems to make our functioning go down/DID symptoms worse.

I'm not sure if I can be of any help but I have OCD so I can relate to that part definitely.

For me when I get into "clean mode", what helps is doing things in a certain order.
I will clean my whole room, and then depending on how much of a "clean mode" I am in, I may clean the living room, kitchen, and bathroom as well.
As a goal, I try to keep myself only to clean my room and the kitchen, unless the bathroom needs it.
While I clean rooms, I try to do laundry at the same time, so I can have clean clothes.
After I clean rooms and after I have done at least one load of laundry, I will take a shower. This helps me to sort of calm down, because I've gotten used to recognizing as the shower being a sort of "I am done cleaning" signal, due to saving a shower for after I've done all my cleaning, sort of like how one would shower after doing exercise or something.
Then, since I have done at least one load of laundry, after a shower I have clean clothes to change in to.
So being able to at the very least be in a clean bedroom, showering afterwards, and having clean clothes to change into and be in, along with using hand sanitizer (part of my OCD is I have to use it 3 times) after the shower and such, that is what usually helps me to feel clean when I get into a "clean mode".

Sometimes I will notice that no matter what I do, I cannot feel clean.
When that happens, I try to shift my focus, as hard as it might be.
I do try to feel clean and do my usual routine that I listed above, but if that doesn't work, then I try to shift my focus to something else, like watching a movie, or listening to music, or doing something that requires attention to detail like organizing my book shelf or doing pattern art, because doing patterns help me to focus on the detail of making everything match and continue the pattern and such. (Especially with using shapes, making sure they're evenly made and drawn with straight lines and such).


I have no idea if that was of any help but I hope it was somehow.
OCD can be tough so good luck to you.

thanks for explaining. we made this post where one of us talks a bit about what's helped for us. i don't know if it's any help but feel free to take a look we find that when you get into a mode of "nothing is clean enough" there really isn't much to do except sit with the feeling. it's hard but it does help in the long run too because you don't tell your brain to keep reacting to the ocd triggers. hope you find something that helps.

Thank you lifelongthing.



last night was complete hell. i realized i can't hear any bad news or i completely freak out. my SO was having a hard time last night and even though i told him i could handle it and he could tell me what's wrong, i couldn't handle it. i had to pretend i was fine, but then spent the whole night awake and completely stressing out over worries that some weren't even rational. Birch and i switched, hoping it might make things better. it sort of did, we got some sleep, but the second i woke up the panic resumed.
This morning has a 'doom is upon us' feeling and i cant shake it, but i have to go to work and can hardly keep myself together.

i hate being so weak worst is i'm not even sure if these feelings are coming from me, Myra or both of us. i feel like saying its coming from her is scapegoating, even though its true, so i end up feeling so guilty and like i'm not taking responsibility for "my" feelings.