Acceptance & Awareness *TRIGGERS*

Hi Journalgirl,

Thank you for writing.

Sorry it feels like you are slogging through a lot of difficulty. I also used to think my DID was "not typical." Now I know it is pretty average and have mostly made peace with that. (I have, but not all of me has.)

Sometimes the weight of new knowledge overwhelms me, too. I am thankful that I don't have to absorb it all at once. It feels really weird that what happened to me more than 30 years ago is the basis of so much trouble in the present. Talk about holding on to old wounds... I thought I had let go. But apparently I just repressed all of it.

When Host started counseling our T asked if there was 'any child abuse in our past'. Just a routine counselor question. Host said 'Sure' and told her about the t*rture stuff. 'But it doesn't bother me" Host said. Our T just looked at him like REALLY? Later T told us that's when she thought we might be DID. Of course it doesn't bother Host. It D.I.D.n't happen to HIM!

It's taken a long time for Host to figure out the reason he's so functional is BECAUSE of the DID not a reason to think he doesn't have it.

I'm glad you guys are figuring all this out. If something really bad happened to you as a kid and you aren't feeling it now - thank your people inside. Ok?

Iain

Hi all,
I've been reading this forum for about a year now and I've never commented on anything because I wasn't ready. I don't know if I have DID, but I have something. Your original post, journalgirl, is where I am at currently. Rather, I think it'll be where I'm at soon. So many lightbulbs went off in my head as I read your post, so many dots being connected. Possibly. I sat and wrote out all of the things in my life that point to SA or DID that have never added up for me. Last week in counseling, I mapped out my system as I know it and it was the first time I've had a sense of what/who is in my head. Immediately afterward, I thought I was making it all up. I go between knowing I'm going in the right direction and not believing any of it. How could someone so aware (too aware for her own good) be so unaware of her own life?
Anyways. I'm thankful for your post and presence on here journalgirl and I'm thankful for this forum.

A belated welcome to the DID Forum, Belt. I'm glad you have decided to delurk.

Belt wrote:How could someone so aware (too aware for her own good) be so unaware of her own life?

That puzzles me too. It seems to be just part of our human biology. I read descriptions of this in all the books about therapy for survivors of childhood abuse. We are hypervigilant to all kinds of threats and harms in our environment except we are literally blind to certain specific kinds, the kinds most like what was done to us in childhood. We have "sitting duck syndrome".

Hang in there. Keep posting!

Just stopping by to post an update. It was a little painful to revisit my original post here. I am somewhere near 4.5 years post DID diagnosis/post DID crisis. I am in a totally different place than when I used to visit this forum. I used to be in daily/pain/anxiety angst with processing the emotions of several younger alters. Most of that processing is done and I am somewhat stable. Take courage if you are still in pain as there is healing for those who suffer with pain from dissociated alters.

Life is going about almost normal. I am able to work most days. I am able to have a good relationship with my husband and children. I still see my therapist 1.5 hours a week in one long session. I seemed to get better when we realized that one hour a week wasn't enough. Now I may be able to transition to every other week or once a month.

One other thing I wanted to add is that I have experienced some benefit from changing my diet to a ketogenic diet. Basically this is high fat low carb and moderate protein. Some brain fog has lifted and I have a better overall mood. I am not sure if my triggers are less in intensity due to the diet or therapy, probably both. It's worth experimenting with diet, exercise or longer therapy times or whatever in order to make progress. I have missed reading here but also found I needed to be away from the forum because I was triggered by content here.

Anyway, that is my update. I am well and there is life after DID

xoxo

Hi Journalgirl,

Thanks for the update. I'm glad you're healing. Great work!

Iain

Excellent!

Journalgirl, now that you are feeling well, may I ask: Do you remember what was triggering for you here? And is it still triggering? I think these questions can be answered without mentioning what it was, if you don't want to go there.

I think it would be helpful for others here to gain insight into your subjective experience of reading this Forum, during your personal diagnostic crisis and now that you are back on your feet.