*Update, and yes, this is important*

I wanna die. I don't matter.
I don't. I never have.
I wish I could just go into the inner world and never come back, so Shadow could just tell the guidance counselor everything.
I'll continue to let them walk over me. I don't f--king care anymore....
I can't go into the inner world. Any tips on that? I tried meditating in the car, but I only ended up falling asleep.
Whenever I go inside the inner world, I'm not really in it. It's like I'm daydreaming. There's this overlay of what's going on inside, and I'm like, in there and everything, but whenever I try to completely go inside it won't work.
I'm not perfect. I wish I was, then people would like me. I don't think anyone likes me anymore. Can't think about anything good about myself. I mean, I'm smart. And I guess I'm pretty, in a nerdy way.
If they're right then none of that matters because I'm just a bunch of crap, nobody gives a f--k about me, and I should just die.
You didn't talk about me. I'm disappointed.
We didn't talk about you. The United Us of America has better things to do, like making sure Faith doesn't go insane. *vein pops out in neck*
There's a new alter, I don't think they have a name (either that or they haven't told us they have one) and they seem to be a little of an... This new alter reminds me a lot of Dallan, except a girl. So now we've got another self-absorbed hanging around.
Anyway, I've been out for most of the day, but I let Faith out because it seems like she really needed the extra time to mull over how unsatisfactory life is for her.
We don't know what to do, I haven't given up, but she says she doesn't want, need, or deserve any help.
-Shadow

I can tell you that you re worthwhile and a valuable part of this forum.

But that wont change how Faith feels.

Our host has been the same, was sick of bein out front, wanted to be sucked in.

But some choices were made without her willing and here we are.

I want you to know that death is a transformation so not the end you desire so much.

If you need advice, or think I misunderstood, please feel free to write more

Nina11

if you give up and say you don't matter and let 'them' (who's THEM) walk over you then you make yourself an easy walkover.
don't do this to yourself.
there must be a reason while you cannot 'withdraw' fully.
besides it is not like a safety-measure the DID's get when they get their DID bags and pamphlets and hats and t-shirts. switching happens, sometimes it does not. Faith, right? just keep it cool. you mentioned being pretty in a nerdy way. so being pretty is of value to you (d'oh, to most of the world) , thus plunge into that. get a new haircut, new nails did, splurge on getting a vanity fair or vogue or interview magazine and gets some inspiration, get a dress/something to wear you'd be happy with.

just for now get yourself off the suicide track thing and we will be quite grateful to hear you don't feel so desperate anymore. you matter. just make it seen you matter, catch what I'm throwing? (not by the fashion accessories, obvs, they are to boost your inner shiny light of divine or something force! kneel in terror of my light! says Desiria)

-- Mon Apr 22, 2013 10:17 pm --

PinkiePie wrote:if you give up and say you don't matter and let 'them' (who's THEM) walk over you then you make yourself an easy walkover.
don't do this to yourself.
there must be a reason while you cannot 'withdraw' fully.
besides it is not like a safety-measure the DID's get when they get their DID bags and pamphlets and hats and t-shirts. switching happens, sometimes it does not. Faith, right? just keep it cool.you are smart, check, so... you are smart, check. you mentioned being pretty in a nerdy way. so being pretty is of value to you (d'oh, to most of the world) , thus plunge into that. get a new haircut, new nails did, splurge on getting a vanity fair or vogue or interview magazine and gets some inspiration, get a dress/something to wear you'd be happy with.

just for now get yourself off the suicide track thing and we will be quite grateful to hear you don't feel so desperate anymore. you matter. just make it seen you matter, catch what I'm throwing? (not by the fashion accessories, obvs, they are to boost your inner shiny light of divine or something force! kneel in terror of my light! says Desiria)

Beauty doesn't concern me as much as others... Others have told me I'm pretty, but I don't think so...
Priorities (or, in other words, how serious things have gotten around in the parent's house)
The dad, has, in the past, threatened to kill himself (commiting suicide, I assume) and he's also threatened to kill his wife. He's been talking about commiting suicide again. I figure both of them are at their wits end.
First priority: Since they're both at their wits end, and are extremly unpredictable, this should be enough to get us out and into a safe home. So, pretty much, to get out and to a safe place.
Second: Hopefully we'll stay safe during this process, if not, then that'll be too bad.
Third: We've been really fuzzy lately, so I guess we'll get that stuff sorted out when we can.
I feel bad... I don't think Mommy and Daddy like us much... I think I need to be punished more... Spanked more, hit more... -Brook

I don't feel like I have an identity any more. Something of a realization, I suppose?
Mom's been limiting me from... Everything.
In a box. Can't move. Not allowed to move. Statues don't move.*metaphor*
They're pushing me closer toward... Something of a... Death?
no, not death. Somethingofit, I suppose.
Can't move. Can't speak
Feel myself going almost mute. Don't want to talk.
Don't live up to everyone's expectations. Why can't you be happy with me the way I am?
I feel so... Empty. Now that I know that I was never really... whole. Not allowed to do anything.
Broken. Horribly broken and shattered. Feel like it was something else besides abuse from my parents and teasing and being left out of everything and never getting to do everything always shunned and pain and everything else I never felt, like lost feelings thrown away.
I read, and write and do my schoolwork and play on the iPad, and have "fun" but it's not before now I realized I wasn't really anything, of an identity...? Don't feel like much.
"The porcelain plate needs to be smashed against the wall" and whispered words of such. I wish I could say with conviction, "use me how you want" but I can't because I'm not sure. What you did to Shadow was horrible. No excuse for that, *magic*. You treated her like an animal.
You're trying to shift focus.
I just thought of it.
From what you were saying... Will you treat me like you treated Shadow?
...
That's not an answer.
It's sort of funny how the typical "revelation" can ruin your life. Like what Shadow's discovered about her past, and what she's found out just recently... What you did to her was horrible, *magic*.

You deserve to feel like you can be yourself and that you have an identity to be. Even if some of the people in your life aren't happy with who you are, WE are, all of us here on the forum, and we don't want you to feel this way because you dont need to feel like your life has been ruined. This is the tough part, once you get out of this situation it will start getting better.

And you shouldn't let *magic* use you. You are a person, a fantastic person, and you shouldn't let anyone treat you as less.

*safe hugs if wanted*

If she allows herself to be liberated, though? Not saying I'd ever let her break that much. Just allow her to be breaked a little, shaped, formed...
Side note: I don't care how you're trying to help, you're still an ass.
To the mom (though we'll never meet): You don't know us. You don't know your own d--m daughter.
You've never been through anything we've been through, you a--.
Have you ever watching someone important to you get murdered right in front of your eyes? Have you ever been injected with a paralytic drug and had your f--king chest cut open? Have you ever had flashbacks so bad you can't even move? Have you ever killed someone before? Have you tried to commit suicide, and commited suicide about 10 times before?
No...? Because I HAVE. I've been the one having to deal with all the flashbacks, and the fuzziness, and the responbility and all that crap.
You have NEVER had to deal with anything I deal with. You've never dreamed of killing someone.
Now, have you ever had to deal with anything Ivory deals with?
Do you have 50+ cuts on your body? Do you have panic attacks so bad you feel like you can't breathe? Are you so scared of someone you can't even move when you're in their presence? (Though again, that might be your b--ch of a husband.)

So, now you see what we have to deal with. Not saying it matters, becuase we'll never get to see each other face to face.

You'll know it's me when I don't come to your funeral.

hey hun,

I know what it s like. I do. You won t believe me, so I won t even try to persuade you unless you insist on examples.

You live in a nitemare, and I have no clue what you can do to find a safehaven.

You can give up on yourself, your life is entirely yours.
You can try to find a way out, your life is entirely yours;

Whatever you re gonna try next, keep us posted.

I do care greatly what happens withyou

Much love

Nina11

@Nina11
Her (the mom's) insults make me laugh sometimes. Like one time we were eating at the table (the mom was across from us) and then Arie called for the mom because she was silent, and then the mom said, "it's not Mom, it's someone else," and then she looked right at us. I stared her right in the eye. I wanted to punch her in the f--king face or wring her little neck out, but I know I can't.
What about it was a nightmare? Maybe Faith's upbringing, all the restrictions and the fact that she can't even do anything, and I guess with what we've said so far...
My past? I'd say that's pretty terror inducing. When I started to get my first flashbacks, I literally couldn't move. I have a very high tolerance for blood, violence, etc. and even that was almost too much for me to handle. Felt like *trigger warning* throwing up, I was almost doubled over and everything. I just felt absolutely sick. *end trigger warning*

While I respect Nina's perspective, I dont think you should EVER give up on yourself. If you keep fighting then eventually you can get out of this, and that will be SO much better. For ALL of you guys. So PLEASE dont give up, any of you.

I know you've been through a lot, and that there's probably not much I can say right now, but Im hoping for the best for you guys in the long run...