Just freaked myself out on these forums*TW*

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Ok, I'm panicking!

I just made the mistake of going beyond this particular forum to some of the others on psychforums, specifically the sex addiction one (not me, was looking to understand someone else) and the rape one (me, was triggered yesterday).

Dude. There are some SERIOUSLY MESSED UP PEOPLE on these boards.

Ok, I know this is a board for mental health issues and you get all sorts but - ######6 RAPISTS POSTING ON HERE ABOUT THEIR FANTASIES AND URGES AND EVEN PLANS????

I used to hang out in the psychopath's section, somehow I like those chaps. Fascination of a car crash I suppose. But some of what is going on in the sexual assault related forums is just extremely disturbing. To think that some of these people might be just around the corner from me makes me want to hide under my desk (not the sex addicts, the seriously wrong 'uns). And I didn't even look at the pedos.

I really don't want to start a panic here, but the idea that some of these people are reading in this forum makes me feel extremely unsafe. And the idea that they walk around my streets and the police tell ME it is an offence to carry even ######6 pepperspray for self-defense makes me ANGRY.

Take my advice and be VERY careful what you read in other forums. I wouldn't be surprised if I just created a new alter or something.

###$.

Sorry you're feeling panicked. It can for sure be scary knowing that there are people with very serious mental illnesses out there, some of which would do us harm. On the other hand, there are those in this forum with alters who can be seriously disturbing to hear from- as someone with a sadistic alter, I guess I'm one of them so yeah... not that I'm talking about anyone here in particular, but I was so scared to post here when I first came after reading through some of the threads. That was without even looking at the other forums.

I'm not sure exactly which thread you got into that triggered for you, but I guess just be cautious going to that section if you feel inclined to do so. Ideally such threads should have "TW!" in the post title, since those of us who have been raped or sexually abused are generally going to trigger from reading things like that with relative ease.

As far as thinking any ole person might turn out to be, as you put it 'truly messed up'... well yeah. It's plausible that anyone could be. Odds are though, you're not just going to run across people like that out on the street. And if they read this forum... what of it? None of you should be sharing too much personally identifiable information over the net anyway. If you think someone is posting threats towards another individual or towards others in general, you can always report the post. I would say planning out a rape would fall under that category, but as I said I couldn't find the thread in question (which may be good since that would trigger me hard core.)

Hope you're able to get some peace and avoid those triggering places for a little bit.

Hi,

yeah - other forums don't seem to take it that seriously with trigger warnings, guess they don't expect any of their imagined/potential victims to read (or don't give a $#%^). I really don't recommend looking it up.

Re sadistic alters - there is a difference for me. I have sadistic/violent/abusive alters as well, I suppose most of us do at least until they can be healed in some way. It depends on how the system manages the offenders and whether they are at any risk to act out and actually harm someone.

Warning, massive feminist rant (nothing personal, Ithrean):

I guess what makes me angry (now that panic is giving way to rage) is that in the real world, as a woman I can have as many sadistic alters as I like, it is (statistically) very unlikely that I will sneak around town and rape unsuspecting strangers. I don't want to make light of SA towards boys/men and I know that some of the perpetrators are women. But on the whole, the predator/prey relationship out there is heavily gender biased, and a male abuse survivor has it a lot easier in our (rape) culture to identify with the aggressor than a female one. So most (male) rapists have SA in their past - but guess what, so do most (female) rape victims (and possibly male ones too). So why is it that for a rapist, SA is seen as "mitigating circumstance" while for a victim it is seen as "her/his propensity to get re-victimised"???

(a great example of this is this ######6 "50 shades of grey" book - so this guy was abused as a boy and that means we have to feel sorry and sympathetic for him when he is abusing a dependent, helpless woman over hundreds of pages until he magically turns into a prince? HORSESHITE).

I was abused, too, and raped. Still, I don't walk around taking that as an excuse to be an abusive asshole. Because to be honest, even if I felt the irresistable urge to go out there and rape someone, chances are I physically and culturally COULDN'T (at least not in the "sneak around the bushes" way this poster who triggered me was describing).

On the whole, the very option of identifying with the aggressor is a form of male privilege. Me, I'll have to find a different way of dealing with my trauma than projecting my inner victim on someone else so I don't have to feel so powerless and small. Sadistic alter or not is not the point, the point is, reading this fellows' posts I don't even have the option to identify with him if I wanted to (as in: oh, cool and somehow kinky), but I immediately and stronlgy identify with his potential victim because that is the place this shithole of a rape culture society puts me in.

so. that needed to be said.

Well I'm glad you were able to get it out there then- clearly it needed an outlet. As infuriating/hurtful/disgusting as it was to read as a male rape survivor, I hope it helps you on your path getting it out there.

I won't be reading/responding anymore due to how much triggering that stirred up-likely anything else I say will only make things worse. All the best though.

@Ithrean,

I respect that - though I want to apologise if you felt I was diminishing or invalidating your experience. This was not aimed at you, it was aimed at the guy in the other forum and the world at large.

I recognise that male rape survivors are in an especially vulnerable position not despite, but because of what I described. They are victims of rape culture as much as women, but they have no "sisterhood" to fall back on and their voices are even more silenced.

For me feminism does not necessarily just encompass women - it encompasses anyone who is a victim of predatory patriarchy, and that means male survivors as well.

I'm sorry I haven't made that clearer and again, apologise if I've offended you.

Well, in my opinion, although I have not read those forums, I think it is perhaps better that they live their fantasies in a way, because in many cases, they'd bottle them up instead, could eventually become overwhelmed by that retention, and act on their impulses. Even though it may be hard (just the mentionned forum headers make my teeth grind), I try to remember that, in a way different from us, they are here for support too.

In any cases, I have declared some subforums on here off-limits to me for now. I just hope each and everyone of ourselves in this body can respect that.

Yes, I agree to be careful.


Yet it is extremely interesting to be able to read certain forums. After what happened to me, reading the pedophile forum in paraphenalias is just... I just try to get it, how those people live... or how I lived with such people... I get a headache from thinking of it even now.

Some forums are so aggressive, people answer with venom...this for me is the strangest...

well. my two cents. this is a strange place on the net. i am glad our DID forum is kind.

Whew Pinke Pie - I don't think I could do that, even though I have this strange fascination with how these people's minds work (which is how all this got started today...)

...in the rape forum, a person described at lenght how they were sexually assaulted, which undoubtedly must have been extremely difficult to do, and asked if what happened to her was rape.

Only to be told by (some) other posters, no, it wasn't - get over it.

I mean DUDE! That person clealry wasn't asking for the legal definition

triibeofone,

DUDE, those people are bonkers to put it super mildly. I will go look for the post. I mean when the memories come back, or if someone is opening up and has doubts whether something sexually unwanted by them was abuse or even rape it is clear that it is a harsh thing for them, to accept, so many of us who were sexually abused DOUBT it and want to make it disappear from life and ask for validation
which is so crucial in such cases
then 'get over it' attitude is plain brutal and stupid.

yes the pedo forum... i really have somatic reactions when I read it and I can't always, but it's fascinating like I said. FOr example


TRIGGER WARNING (seriously, about pedophilia, read only if you can sit down and be calm or read not at all)


if they want to have sex with children now and what do they do about it.
most answer they want to but will not. they channel it and simple being amongst kids gives them uh, what, calming of the sexual desire? I know that having this particular disease is TERRIBLE and I read a lot about this topic- I am a volounteer at a suicide prevention and hear about THINGS- and view the disease as a curse for life. Those who organize the pedophila rings and enourage individuals via CP (chirl porn) boards to SHARE ('we share with you if you share with us, so get SNAPPING and do not freeload) which basicaly means: get a kid from your surrounding and make pictures, posing in sexual ways at least. And worst... I saw such pictures. One of my alters is very hardcore and able to take such things and not fall apart.
Thus I know simple people who could be okay maybe with supressing the urges are encouraged and... then some get caught, become scapegoats and the face of triumph of law over... nothing. The real horror goes on where people will not go.


END OF TRIGGER


So I am able to read it because I want to UNDERSTAND. I want to be able to see when wrong will happen to some child and fight for that child no matter what my relation to him/her is. I want to SEE and KNOW as much as I can for my own baby alter, I want to know for others. Also I want to understand how it is
to share such a awful disease

MILD TW

to sometimes share the decisions that made the disease a horror for some child
to see if I believe the words that 'being around children' is enough and they can cope


I am sorry if I am so intense about it
those forums are a burden and a blessing, i hope I didn't offend anyone with this post

-- Thu Apr 04, 2013 6:42 pm --

also I hope you are better. let us know how you feel.

hugs.

i have read other things, such delightful things

and that's all you get to say about it. (cassidy has looked around on the antisocial personality disorder forum before, just to clarify).

hi.

anyway, i just wanted to say, we've been on almost every forum on psychforums, and every one of them either has a general trigger up top, above every thread, or it speaks for itself.

a forum titled "sexual addiction forum", that's pretty obvious that if you're triggered by sexual stuff, don't read.

here, with DID, there can be a lot more triggers, we need to take a lot more precautions, and the mods make it clear that we need these trigger warnings because people can easily be triggered, dissociate, etc. whereas on those specific forums, the people who are most likely going to be looking there, going there, using that forum, etc., aren't going to be triggered by it for the most part.



so, no offense meant at all, but in my opinion, you maybe should've taken a step back and been like, "ok, so what's the title of the forum? is there a general trigger warning above everything put there by the mods? could i handle the topics that might be here in this forum based on the title of it?" and tried to mentally prepare yourself as much as possible, or realized that it might be too triggering and not gone at all.

(and again, no offense meant at all, but i don't think you "created a new alter or something"...)



as far as- wait, *Trigger Warning*

as far as rapists posting on THEIR forums, mind you, forums MEANT to HELP them, about fantasies and urges and plans, well, i see it like i see the twins of our system, l.c. and luna. they write about their fantasies, urges, and plans they have made with suicide. it helps them. it's an outlet. just because they make plans doesn't mean they actually follow through with them. it's the utmost form of fantasy, the utmost outlet, as they've explained to me. seeing that it's possible, knowing that it can be done, going over the steps in your head, and then getting all that out of your system so you won't actually do it by writing about it, perhaps sharing about it, etc.

*End Trigger Warning*


like lifepuzzle, i think it's better that they're here, posting and writing, instead of off actually DOING stuff somewhere. at least here, they can have a safe outlet. they can know they're not alone. they can be understood, since everyone deserves that, no matter how "bad" or "twisted" they may seem. (i've learned this just by having others like hannibal and cassidy in our system). and they are able to get support here, which might help them to not do stuff even more, if they feel heard, understood, and supported (but not in the sense of supporting their plans, in the sense of supporting the knowledge that other people struggle like they do and are like them. no one likes to feel alone).

i'm glad that people like that are posting here in other forums. everyone deserves a safe outlet, everyone has their own way of dealing with stuff, everyone deserves to be heard and understood even if you don't agree with them, everyone deserves to have support with their struggles/issues, and i say, better to have them spending time on here than spending that time out and about actually doing or trying to do stuff.


but definitely need to be careful when exploring these other forums.


- cassie (age ?)